


Hear Me Out

by 2_Ava



Series: Hear Me Out Universe [1]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Brian is Roger's number 1 fan, Deaf Character, Deaks is a bit confused at first, Early Days, Educational Fluff, Finished, Fluff, Freddie just really wants them to be successful, I know it's real shite at the moment, I really didn't update these tags at all while writing, M/M, Not really though, Roger is deaf, Slow Burn, Sorry guys, and now I feel it's too late, apparently, but i promise it'll get better, half-smut, he'll come around though, more tags to come
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2019-10-23 01:24:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 76,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17673752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2_Ava/pseuds/2_Ava
Summary: John is trying to tell them about himself and his bass playing; he wants to get into this band so bad. But, he can’t seem to stop his eyes from continuously flicking over to the blonde in the corner behind the drum kit. He’s staring at him, eyes watching him intently and mouth slightly agape, occasionally twitching as John speaks. He’s weird – but equally entrancing…//Roger is deaf. It’s something John slowly comes to terms with while Queen becomes more and more successful





	1. Chapter 1

John had been standing outside the auditorium for what he was sure was hours by now – probably not quite, but it had been long enough for his nerves to skyrocket out of control. He’d been wiping his sweaty hands on his pants for so long now that his pants were getting too damp to service him anymore. He’d resorted to discreetly waving them by his sides, hoping the cold air would dry them a little. God forbid John walk into the audition and drop his bass because he can’t stop sweating, because – why is he getting himself so worked up, he thought. He’d been to auditions before – some he’d gotten, some he hadn’t; nerves had never been an issue before. But, he really wanted to get into this band. He’d seen then play once or twice around his university and he was mesmerised; he was particularly in awe of the singer. He was something extraordinary. He just had to impress them; he had to play with them – no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Just as he could feel his finally dry hands starting to clam up again, the auditorium door swung open and a stocky young man carrying a case exited, followed by a rather tall and lanky man with a mop for hair. 

“We’re ready for you – John?” He said softly; voice was a bit deeper, but very sweet. John nodded eagerly – a little too eagerly, he thought. He grabbed his case and scurried inside after the other man. He followed him through the foyer and into the spacious auditorium; there sat two smaller men have a – rather flamboyant, John would say – conversation amongst themselves. The gentleman that had come to collect John cleared his throat to get their attention, and the dark haired boy, sprawled over a student chair turned, followed by the blonde boy sitting behind the drummer. 

“Oh, hello; John, yes?” the dark haired boy, practically sang, standing and walking quickly to John. John recognised him as the singer – the one with the unbelievable voice. John nodded quickly and stuck his hand out, hoping it wasn’t too sweaty. “Freddie; pleasure.” He smirked, taking John’s hand quickly and shaking it. If John’s hand had been a bit damp, Freddie was kind enough not to mention. “Brian; Roger.” He continued, gesturing to the tall man pulling his guitar over his head, and then the small man behind the drum kit, watching their exchange. John gave the other two men and polite smile and nod, and looked back to Freddie, hoping he could just get to show them his playing. 

“Have you got something you can show us, John?” Brian said softly. John nodded quickly and stepped back from Freddie to place his case on the ground. 

“Yes, yes; of course.” John muttered, clicking open his case and pulling out his bass. He slung it over his shoulder with ease and quickly checked to see it was still in tune – as if he hadn’t been tuning it every two seconds while he was waiting outside. Once he was satisfied, he looked up to see Freddie holding the end of a cable. John took it from him and plugged in, adjusting his volume, to make sure he didn’t blow the windows out. He looked to the PA system and noticed the speakers over by the drums, not pointed at him or where the audience would have been. He thought it strange, but not enough so to mention it. He looked up one final time to see all three of them watching him with expectant faces. He took a deep shaky breath and began plucking out a riff – one he’d written; one of his favourites.  
~  
As the piece came to a close, he kept his hands in the final position, even after the sound stopped ringing through the room. He didn’t want to look up – what if they all had horrified looks on their faces; what if they hated it? It wasn’t until he heard the over dramatic clapping that he looked up to see Freddie with arms raised above his head. 

“Fabulous; fabulous, darling!” Freddie sung, moving closer to John. “Just marvellous!” He grinned. “But…” he began. John felt his stomach churn; there it was: ‘but’. ‘Marvellous, but not marvellous enough’. John looked at his feet, not wanting to see his expression when Freddie told him to pack his things and leave. “We’ve got to make sure you’ve got the personality – we’ve been through enough bassists lately to know that’s bloody important.” He chuckled. John looked up, a bit shocked and not comprehending what Freddie was saying fast enough. 

“Tell us about yourself, John.” Brian added, seeming to make things a little clearer for him. John nodded and shifted his feet before looking between the three of them. He tried to fix his gaze on a spot that was betwixt them all, but without having to make eye contact with any of them. 

“Well…” he began, trying to make his voice sound as calm as possible. “My name is John Deacon; I’m 20 years old. I’m studying electrical engineering.” He spoke softly, trying to make himself sound as interesting as possible. Just based on the looks and so-far demeanour of the three men in the room, he was quite possibly the most boring of them all – except maybe Roger, who he noticed had not said a word so far. But, he was staring very intently at John. John shifted his eyes quickly, determined not to make eye contact and fumble over the speech he had not thought to prepare. “I was in a band back home… The Opposition. We played a few gigs, but I left to come to college.” He muttered; he was now unable to not focus on the way the drummer stared at him. It was odd, and John would be lying if he said it wasn’t making him a tad uncomfortable. He glanced quickly at Roger, noticing the way his brows were knitted together in focus and his mouth was slightly agape, twitching occasionally as John spoke. “I umm…” He mumbled, his focus thrown by the staring. “I guess I’m pretty boring.” He whispered, eyes dropping to his feet, fearing he’d just blown it. He was sure he could have kept it together and at least made himself seem semi-intriguing if Roger hadn’t been looking at him like that. He was weird… but equally entrancing. There was a beat of silence before Freddie spoke up. 

“Can you give us a moment, John dear?” Freddie said softly. John nodded and quickly removed and packed up his bass as quickly as he could, not wanting to bother the three men more than he must already have. He exited the building quickly, wondering when he entered the foyer if he should just leave; spare them all the awkwardness and just go home. He could feel his grip tightening on his case handle, trying to calm himself down subconsciously. He couldn’t hear them properly – only muffled voices. He then heard a gentle laugh and he froze – were they laughing at him? Oh god; was he really that awful? Suddenly, the laughter stopped – so did the muffled voices; before John could clear his mind enough to do a runner, the auditorium door open. 

“You can come back in now.” Brian said softly, his voice doing wonders in calming John down. John quickly slipped back inside, walking over to the group again, but remaining further away than before. 

“Congratulations!” Freddie said quickly, his voice high and excited. John was blank for a moment, taking a second to process before he got unnecessarily excited. “Welcome to Queen.” Freddie added. John’s smile grew quickly.

“Really?” he said softly, needing to be absolutely sure before he celebrated. 

“Of course, dear. You’re a fantastic bass player!” Freddie grinned, stepping closer to him before placing his hands either side of John’s cheeks. John’s eyes widened slightly, he’d not before met someone so relaxed about touch. “And, you’re adorable.” Freddie smirked, before winking and stepping away from John. “I think we should all go to the bar down the street to celebrate. Would you like to come, John?” Freddie smiled widely. John was a little taken aback that they were so sure that they wanted to invite him out. 

“Are- are you sure?” John muttered, looking between the three of them. 

“Well, I’m sure there’s much more to you than a 20 year old electrical engineer who used to be in a band in his small hometown.” Freddie said, a little more exasperated than John felt was necessary. That being said, he didn’t want to inform Freddie that what he’d just described quite literally all John was, out of fear of being forcibly ejected from his place in the band, before they’d even gotten to play together. 

“What about my bass?” John said quietly, eyes falling to the case in his hand, his grip no longer like a vice on the handle. 

“Give us a hand packing everything down in here and we’ll chuck it in the van.” Brian said nonchalantly, already putting away his guitar and beginning to unplug cables and leads. John gave a small nod and placed his case on the spot as Freddie walked completely away to begin packing up also. John was a little surprised and confused by how fast everything was happening, and he wasn’t entirely sure what he was supposed to be doing. So, he meandered slowly over to Roger; he figured the drum kit was the most elaborate thing to set up and pack down, so Roger probably needed some help. The small man was knelt down amongst the kit, fiddling with a screw in order to pull the kit apart. 

“Did you need a hand?” John said softly, his own hands locked in front of him, fiddling with one another. John’s query was met with silence, and a small frown spread across his face. He wasn’t sure if he perhaps hadn’t spoken loud enough – but, there was little noise in the room. “Roger?” He tried again, figuring maybe the man didn’t think John was talking to him. Still, no response came from the drummer, he didn’t even turn around to acknowledge that he was ignoring John. John was well and truly confused by Roger – the harrowing staring, the odd silences, the way his mouth seemed the flutter open and closed whenever John would speak. John was just about to step away to go and find somewhere he could be of use, when Brian walked quickly over and gently touched Roger’s head – more like caressed his hair. The smaller man immediately looked up, standing when he saw Brian towering over him. 

“John’s gonna help you pack down your kit, and then come with us to the pub, alright?” Brian said a little slowly, his arms moving about, obstructed by Roger’s head. John could feel the confused look still on his face as Roger nodded and turned to John, flashing him a sweet smile and gesturing towards the drums. John did his best to return the smile, but he could feel it was awkward and nervous. Roger just let out a quick breath through his nose, which John attributed slightly to a laugh. Before he could stare awkwardly at the man, trying to figure out what his deal was, Roger had bent back down to fiddle with his snare. John slowly bent down to assist; most of the pack up was silent, Freddie and Brian occasionally exchanging words about university assignments. Roger and John worked in absolute silence, and whilst John thought he was a rather quiet person – preferring nights in his room to raging parties – the lack of conversation between he and Roger was painful. Maybe Roger was just shy, John thought; maybe he needed to be the one to make conversation. 

“How long have you been playing drums for?” John said softly, looking at Roger as he continued to pack up the cymbals. Roger’s head was buried in a drum bag; appearing to be looking for something. John stood awkwardly, unsure if Roger was too focused on his kit to hear John. After a few seconds, Roger turned around and their eye met. His eyes brows were raised, as if to ask of John what he’d just said. “How long have you been playing drums for?” John repeated, trying to hide his nervous expression from Roger. John noticed how Roger’s face shifted, his brows furrowed again and he looked focus, like he looked when John had basically forgotten about his own life because he was so focused on the drummer’s gaze. Roger’s head tilted slightly, and John assumed in question. He let out a shaky breath and tried one more time, hoping this wasn’t just some cruel joke to make John look like a right trollop. “How long have you been playing drums for?” John said, in almost a whisper, a bit embarrassed by whatever trick Roger seemed to be playing on him. As he finished, he glanced down for a moment, before looking back up to see Roger’s expression shift to a knowing smile, his head nodding quickly. Roger lifted up his hands, holding up one finger on one hand and two fingers on the other. 

“Three?” John said, a bit shocked at the prospect of someone being so good after only three years. Roger shook his head quickly, a small grin on his lips before thrusting the same fingers forward a bit. “Twelve?” John said, a slightly confused look on his face. Roger nodded, his hand transforming to a thumbs up as he gave John a wink before returning to the kit. John stood there, not entirely sure what had just happened, but he had a strange feeling in his chest. John stood in silence for a moment, his hand just resting on the cymbal, rather than actually helping to pack it up. After a few moments, when the rest of the kit was packed up, Roger looked at John, who had still not moved. Roger shot him a thumbs up, his eyebrows raised into a questioning expression. John nodded slowly, hoping he understood what Roger was getting at. Roger again, let out what John could only assume was a laugh as air expelled from his nose. Roger reached down and grabbed John’s hand which seemed cemented to the cymbal; he lifted the younger man’s hand from the cymbal and dropped it, lifting the cymbal and packing it into the drum bag. John’s hand fell limply by his side. There was nothing wrong with his arm or hand; he was just so confused by the whole exchange that he was struggling to make his mind run as fast as the odd events were taking place. John could feel himself staring off into nothingness, his brain running a million miles a second, wondering whether he was entirely in his right mind in wanting desperately to be a part of the band. Thankfully, his thinking was promptly cut short by Brian and Freddie making their way to the space that was currently oozing with discomfort. 

“All packed up. Ready to go?” Brian asked John, gently running a hand over Roger’s back. Roger turned to look at him, their bodies squared up with one another. “Do you want to grab something to eat before we hit the pub?” Brian said softly, his hands and body moving around in a way that John couldn’t quite make sense of. 

_Yes; I’m starving._ Roger moved his arms and mouthed something John couldn’t quite make out. That’s when it clicked; and John felt like a real idiot – Roger couldn't hear a damn thing, because Roger was bloody deaf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is a little slow and probably not too exciting, but I promise I have plans that are far more decent, so I hope you'll 'hear me out' on this one - lol get it? 
> 
> Anyway, please let me know what you think, or if you have any ideas/suggestions. I'd love to hear them!


	2. Chapter 2

They arrived at the bar; it wasn’t too late yet, but the music was already unbearably loud. He felt bad about it, but John found himself flicking his eyes over to Roger, who – not to John’s surprise – what completely unaffected by the overwhelming sounds. Roger, Brian and Freddie made their way to a booth in the corner, without a word to one another. John was still looking around when he noticed that they’d walked off and quickly scurried to catch him. He slid into the booth beside Roger, who sat opposite Brian and Freddie. 

“What do you drink, dear?” Freddie asked, his head turning to John with a soft smile on his lips. 

“Uhh- just a beer?” John muttered; he wasn’t really a drinker, but he didn’t want his new bandmates to think he was soft – softer than they could already tell he was, anyway. Freddie gave a quick nod and turned to Roger, who was already looking at him. Freddie gave a slight flick of his head and Roger nodded. John watched the whole exchange, but it didn’t mean he understood exactly what was happening until he felt Roger gently shoulder him. He whipped his head quickly to look at him. Roger had a cheeky grin on his face as he flicked his hand in way that was telling John to move. “Oh.” John mumbled and quickly slid out of the booth, allowing Roger to slide out after him and follow Freddie to the bar before John sat back down. He and Brian sat in silence for a moment; he noticed the way that Brian’s eyes followed Roger and Freddie until they made it to the bar, and his attention turned back to John. Brian gave John a quick smile and John did his best to return it confidently. A lull fell over the table, and he really wished Freddie had been there to keep the conversation going. 

“Brian; can I ask you something?” John finally said as softly as the loud environment would allow. Brian’s eyes flicked over to him and he gave John a small smile. 

“Of course. What’s up, mate?” He asked, eyes scanning John intently. 

“Why…” John began, unsure how to approach the subject. “Why didn’t you tell me Roger was deaf? Why’d you just let me keep trying to talk to him like an idiot?” John muttered, not able to look Brian in the eyes as his cheeks went red. John looked up when he heard Brian chuckle. John gave him a slightly puzzled look, but tried his best to hide it. 

“S’not really fair on Roger to say: ‘John; this is Roger. He’s deaf.’” He said bluntly, but with a wide smile still on his face. “He’s so much more than deaf, and he doesn’t really deserve for that to be how I describe him – I don’t consider him ‘Roger, the deaf guy’, he’s ‘my best friend, Roger – drummer, and resident dickhead’. Should I have introduced him like that instead?” Brian chuckled, causing John to let out a small laugh at the way that Brian so unabashedly called Roger names. “Besides…” Brian continued. “That awkward encounter you had that made you feel kind of embarrassed, and nervous, and shitty about yourself… that’s how just about every conversation goes for Roger when he meets someone new. I figure, if you’re gonna be in the band, you may as well see things from his side of the fence from the get go.” Brian explained. John listened intently; Brian was right, and John felt like a bit of a dickhead himself for expecting Brian to ‘do him a favour’, and inform him that Roger was deaf. John nodded slightly. 

“You’re sure I’m right for the band?” John muttered, eyes focused on the table. Brian nodded quickly as he took his glass away from his mouth. 

“John, we didn’t even have to play with you to you were right for us – that really says something. You were the seventh person we’d auditioned to today… and none of them held a candle to you.” Brian spoke softly. “Chill out, John; loosen up. You’re good and we like you.” Brian chuckled. John let out a relaxed smile and nodded. 

“You know… my friends call me Deaky.” John said softly. Brian glanced over at him and nodded. 

“Deaky it is then.” Brian smirked. 

“Deaky! I love it – so rock ‘n’ roll!” Freddie smirked as he and Roger came back with their drinks. Roger looked at them with his concentrated expression, but John could tell from the low lighting in the bar that Roger probably couldn’t see much. Brian turned to look at Roger. 

“We’re calling John – Deaky; D-E-A-K-Y.” Brian said with a smile, spelling it out for Roger with his hands. A grin spread across the small man’s face. 

_It’s cute._ Roger signed. John glanced back to Brian, a smile still on his face. 

“What’d he say?” John asked quietly. 

“He said you’re cute, darling.” Freddie smirked; Brian hit his arm gently, chuckling, but didn’t correct him. John’s cheeks went a little warm, and he hoped it wasn’t noticeable. Freddie and Roger shuffled back into the booth, Roger handing John his drink. John mumbled a ‘thank you’, unsure if it was warranted considering Roger couldn’t hear it. The four men sipped on their beers in silence for a few moments before Freddie spoke up. 

“So, John; tell us more about yourself.” Freddie grinned. John had been dreading that question. He didn’t want them to know that what he’d told them in the auditorium was really all there was. 

“Umm- well… like I said, I’m pretty boring. It’d probably be better if you all talked about yourselves.” John muttered, trying to give off a chuckle, but it just coming off nervous. Freddie seemed to sense it, speaking before John was left in a flurry of anxious thoughts. 

“Well, darling; I study design, Brian is astrophysics and Roger is biology.” He grinned. “Tell me more about the whole electrical engineering thing.” Freddie practically demanded, moving the conversation back to John. 

“Uhh- well… I’ve always really like fixing things.” John began; he could see that Brian had started moving his hands, clearly signing what John was saying for Roger. For some reason, John felt even more self-conscious, watching his words be translated into another language right before him. “It just uhh… seemed like the most natural thing to do, going into electrical engineering.” 

“Do you like it?” Brian said softly, his body still angled to Roger, and hands still moving as he spoke to John. 

“Yeah, I do… but, I prefer fixing things in my spare time to what they actually get us to do.” John chuckled softly. He looked around the booth and felt so mundane in comparison to these clearly very interesting characters. He really wished they’d just talk about themselves. There was a lull in the conversation; it didn’t feel as if anyone else thought it awkward, but John sure did. After a while he saw Roger shift in his seat and begin signing. 

_Let’s go dance._ John wasn’t sure what was being said, but the other two men agreed, and their eyes flicked to John and his half full drink. It was then that he noticed that the rest of them had already finished. He glanced to his left to see Roger circling his hand in order to tell John to hurry up. John couldn’t help but chuckle, and it appeared the blonde man was glad to see John loosen up. Roger shot him a sly smirk and reached down – now standing – to grab John’s beer and lift it carefully to John’s mouth, slotting it in between his lips. He placed his other hand on the back of John’s head and began tipping the beer back and John had no choice but to skull it. He quickly reached up to grasp Roger’s wrist that had the glass, needing to stabilize himself. He squeezed his eyes shut, not particularly liking the taste. Once he’d almost successfully skulled the whole thing – only dregs left in the bottom – he glanced up at Roger, his eyes watering from the carbonation. Roger shot him another one of those winks and placed the glass down before grabbing John’s wrist and almost ripping him out of the booth and onto the dance floor. Brian and Freddie were close behind, Freddie coming up to John and leaning over his shoulder to whisper in his ear. 

“Roger’s a bit full on, darling. But don’t worry; you’ll learn to love it. Or die trying.” He teased, stepping away from the younger man and further into the sea of bodies. John stood awkwardly for a bit, not sure exactly what to do – it wasn’t like he frequented bars or clubs. He glanced at Brian, who had successfully retreated to standing by the bar, near the dance floor, just watching them. John let out a soft sigh, grinning as he began to head towards Brian. He didn’t make it more than two steps before he felt himself being pulled back, his body practically colliding with Rogers as he went flying. Once he was no longer airborne, he looked down at Roger, who was shaking his head with a devilish smirk and his hand still holding John’s wrist. John was not averse to dancing, but he would be lying if he didn’t question Roger’s ability to dance when he couldn’t hear the music. But, as the song began to pick up in vivacity, he saw how Roger was moving, his body rhythmically perfect, in time with the beat. John was a little confused again, back to thinking this was a practical joke – some sort of initiation where they manage to make him believe Roger is deaf just to embarrass him. He was so caught up in watching Roger’s small body move that he barely noticed when Roger was tugging at his arm, a slightly frustrated look on his face. John gave him a weak smile and began moving also, trying to let the music overwhelm him, rather than the day he’d had. They danced for a while, their equally thin limbs occasionally brushing against each other, but neither of them seeming to mind. John would occasionally glance at Roger, but he seemed lost in his own little world. John wondered what it was like inside Roger’s head – he was truly intrigued by the man. After a little while, John managed to make eye contact with Roger and gesture to himself and then to Brian, who was still standing at the bar. Roger nodded and flashed him a smile. John shot one back and removed himself quickly from the dance floor. When he returned the Brian, he was a little sweaty, but Brian quickly placed a beer in his hand. 

“How did you get out of having to dance?” John chuckled. 

“I don’t dance.” Brian smirked, sipping his drink.

“Neither do I!” John exclaimed, looking back out of the sea of bodies and seeing Roger and Freddie now together. 

“Sure you do! I saw some funk in there, Deaky.” Brian chucked, nudging the younger man gently. “I’d much rather stay here and make sure everything’s okay.” Brian stated simply, finishing his drink before placing the empty glass back on the bar. John glanced between Brian beside him and Roger on the dance floor, and thought before about how Brian signed the conversations to Roger in the booth, and then recalled he did the same thing on the way there – as best as he could while he was driving anyway. 

“God, Roger really trusts you…” John muttered before he was even sure it was a sentence he wanted to speak – it just came out. He glanced at Brian, whose expression soured ever-so slightly. John realised how that could have been taken a little accusatory, and he felt him bottom lip slide in between his teeth. However, Brian’s expression changed to a gentle smile. 

“I know.” He whispered. “It means a lot to me that Roger feels like he has someone he can depend on.” Brian stated simply. “It’s quite easy to be taken advantage of and manipulated when you lack an entire avenue of communication.” Brian sighed softly, his eyes trained on Roger. John shot him a slightly confused look, not entirely following what the older man was saying. Brian saw the look out the corner of his eye and turned his body to look at John. “I know it doesn’t make sense. Roger’s an adult; he can take care of him… and he can. But you think about how easy it is to mishear something someone has said to you; or misinterpret the context or tone of what someone is saying…” Brian explained his words clear and articulate. John wondered if that was from years of academia, or from speaking to Roger. “Now, imagine what that whole exchange is like when everything that’s being said it being taken, and chewed up, and jumbled in some else’s brain, and spat out in the best way they know how, and then compartmentalised into a form of communication that the speaker never intended their words to be turned into. Sometimes it’s like a game of Chinese whispers; and I just don’t think it’s entirely fair that Roger should have to navigate all that solely on his own.” Brian said sweetly. John smiled widely at the way the tall man glanced over at Roger on the dance floor. “Don’t get me wrong – he can hold his own. It’s just important to me that Roger knows I’m here if ever he needs something – no judgements.” Brian whispered.

“Roger is very lucky to have you…” John said softly, and Brian flashed him a small grin. “Are you two… umm- you know?” he questioned awkwardly. He had assumed the three of them were gay, just based on the brash flamboyance they displayed – and considering the complete lack of females in the pub they were in, but as soon as he opened his mouth, he felt like he was being a little too forward. Brian’s head snapped down to John. 

“As in are Roger and I together? God, no; we’d kill each other.” Brian chuckled, and John felt himself doing to same. “We’re just really good friends.” He added. As there conversation reached a lull, Roger’s sweet face popped up behind Brian’s shoulder, his chin resting in the crook of Brian’s collarbone as he peered at John with wide eyes. John shot him a sweet smile, which he returned. 

“So, how does your schedule work? We usually rehearse on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays.” Brian asked John, his attention not on Roger. 

“Yeah – that should be fine. I have classes until pretty late on Wednesdays, but I’m sure I could work something out.” John said softly, his eyes following Roger as he rested his head on Brian’s neck, his eyes fluttering half shut. “Does he do that often?” John asked quietly, eyes floating up to Brian for only a moment before returning to Roger. 

“Fall asleep on me when he’s had a bit too much to drink? Always.” Brian chuckled, glancing down at Roger, who wore a blissful grin on his lips. 

“No.” John chuckled. “Come over and stand there… but not be a part of the conversation?” He asked, hoping the question was too forward or offensive. 

“Oh.” Brian said, his voice higher pitched with understanding. “Yeah; sometimes he doesn’t really care what we’re talking about – just wants to be included.” Brian grinned, looking down at Roger with admiration evident in his eyes. “If he really wants to join in, he’ll let us know… usually quite aggressively.” Brian chuckled. 

“Yeah; I think I got to see that earlier.” John chuckled, rolling his eyes. 

“You haven’t even scratched the surface.” Brian smirked. “Roger is playing nice because you’re new.” He laughed. John let out a gentle chuckle, unable to tear his eyes away from Roger – so content and relaxed on Brian’s shoulder, clearly at peace despite the overwhelming atmosphere around them. The comfortable silence between them was cut short as Freddie came scurrying over. 

“I’ve met a lovely gentleman; and I think I’m going to go home with him. Don’t wait up, boys.” He smirked. “We’ll see you tomorrow at rehearsals, Deaky.” Freddie grinned, patting John lightly on the shoulder and disappearing back into the mass of bodies. Brian looked to Roger and moved his shoulder to shake Roger back to complete consciousness. Roger glanced over at him, his eyes a little wet from his sleepier state. 

“Ready to go?” Brian signed. Roger quickly nodded, running his hand through his hair. 

“C’mon, Deaky. I’ll give you a ride home.” Brian said softly, as he and Roger shuffled about ready to head for the exit. 

“Are you sure you can drive?” He asked nervously; he was under strict instruction from his mother to not get into car with people who had been drinking while he was away at university. Brian chuckled under his breath. 

“I’ve had one drink, John.” He smiled sincerely, placing a hand on the small of Brian’s back as he ushered him and Roger outside into the fresh air. The made their way to the van, and John got in the back like he had on the way the way there; Roger did too, despite there being the passenger’s seat. John smiled at him and Roger returned the expression. They drove home mostly in silence, save for John giving quiet directions and Brian asking about the university housing John lived in. He and Roger kept making eye contact; he really wanted to be able to communicate with Roger. He was so fascinated by him, and quite frankly – impressed too. But, he didn’t know the first thing about sign language, and he hadn’t managed to pick any up while they’d been at the bar. So, he settled for awkward glances and nervous smiles at Roger for most of the 20 minute ride home. When they stopped outside the dormitory, Brian got out and opened the back doors of the van. “Alright, Roger; in the front.” He spoke and signed, Roger climbing through the centre console to get comfy in the passenger’s seat. Brian rolled his eyes as Roger looked back at him cheekily. “I meant through the door.” He continued. Roger simply poked his tongue out at Brian, who chuckled quietly. Brian glanced at John, who had grabbed his bass and carefully gotten out the van. 

“Thanks for a good night guys – and thanks for letting me join the band.” John muttered, looking up at Brian for a second before diverting his gaze to his feet. 

“No need to thank us.” Brian chuckled, gently patting John’s shoulder. “We’ll see you tomorrow for rehearsals, yeah?” He asked. John nodded quickly. 

“Of course!” he grinned, looking back at Brian as he shifted further away from the van. “Goodnight.” John said quickly, before glancing at Roger. He quickly raised his hand to wave, hoping the gesture didn’t come across as too childish. Roger grinned from his spot in the passenger’s seat, head just sticking out in the gap between the front seats. He raised his hand and pitter-pattered his fingers up and down, rather than side to side, a wide smile on his face. 

“Night, John.” Brian returned, as he shut the back panel of the van and moved to get back in the car. John went inside and into his dorm room. The day had been eventful to say the least – but there was part of him that was absolutely buzzing; and he was pretty certain it wasn’t the alcohol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think about the differentiating between Brian or Freddie signing and speaking, and Roger's signing. Also, let me know if you think it's too slow and boring still :(
> 
> Thanks for reading :) x


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, classes for John were mundane and slow. He just wanted to get to the auditorium and practice with them. He couldn’t wait to hear them all playing together. So, when it was half-five and his class was still going, he was starting to antsy. They were all supposed to meet outside the auditorium at 5:15pm. John could feel his foot tapped incessantly on the ground, but he didn’t care; he just wanted to be dismissed. When the lecturer finally said they were done for the day, John had never felt himself rocket out of a room faster. He was quite literally running; it was difficult with his clunky case swinging alongside him. When he did finally reach the auditorium, it was 5:40pm and he peered in to see everyone already set up and sitting in a cluster by the seats. John sighed heavily; it was his first day as a member of the band and he was late – surely they’d be unimpressed; maybe even kick him out for not having enough respect. His hands were now shaking at he slowly made his way inside; the sound of the door opening caused Freddie and Brian to turn, Roger following after them. 

“I’m so sorry; I’m so, so, so sorry – my professor wouldn’t let us out and it’s on the other side of campus, and I- I’m really sorry if I blew it…” John rambled until he heard a soft laugh. He looked up to see Freddie standing and moving towards him. 

“Darling; it’s fine. No big deal at all!” He grinned, stepping right up to him to give him a hug. Now that he was close, John could see the dark bruises littering Freddie’s neck. He couldn’t help but smirk at the shorter man, and whatever it was he got up to last night. He saw the way Roger’s eyes rolled into his head. John grinned softly; he was far more expressive than most people John had met.

_You’re just saying that to cover your own ass when you’re an hour late_ Brian let out a soft chuckle as Freddie glared at him. John, for a brief moment, felt very left out – but, he couldn’t help but smile fondly at their exchanges. The way the three of them just gelled could have made anyone smile, and John just hoped there was a place in it all for him eventually. John shot Brian a glance that he hoped read ‘please translate’, fearing they might forget he couldn’t understand them. 

“Fred’s late a lot – in fact, this is the first time he’s been on time since… well I think ever.” Brian teased, turning and throwing Freddie a wink before turning back to John. “But, seriously John; it’s no big deal. You said Wednesdays might be an issue. We’ll just start later next time.” Brian grinned warmly and placed a gentle hand on John’s shoulder. John gave a nervous nod and finally placed his case on the ground, clicking it open. 

“So; what’s the plan for today?” John said softly. “Did you want to teach me some of your stuff?” He asked quietly, adjusting the knobs on his bass. Brian nodded and lurched forward, as if the question was springing him into action. He reached for his guitar. Freddie moved himself back over to where Roger was, beginning another conversation. 

“I’ll show you the riff…” Brian began, walking over to John and beginning to show him what the previous bass player had been playing. John listened intently, but it hadn’t taken him long to figure it out – it was rather basic. It didn’t take more than 20 minutes for John to feel pretty comfortable playing it. “Alright, let’s give it a go all together, then.” Brian grinned as he and John readied themselves, Freddie moving from his seat. As he walked by, Freddie gently pushed Roger’s head, shooting the man a playful smile as the drummer shot him a look, previous engrossed in twirling his drumsticks. When Roger looked away from Freddie, he and Brian made eye contact and Brian just gave him a thumbs up; Roger returned it with a grin. They all began playing; it sounded good – it actually sounded great. But, John couldn’t get over how boring his bass line was. He couldn’t believe that someone above the 8th grade had actually written it. Once they reached the second chorus, John figured that he had proved he knew the song and decided to play with it a little, hoping to impress the others. He tried putting a few little riffs and feels in the line; he thought it sounded pretty good and complimented the guitar well. But, before he could really reflect on the combination, the drumline became loose and out of time. He looked up at Roger, who had the most confused and freaked out look on his face. Soon, there was silence over the entire room. 

“Where’d that come from? That was fantastic, darling!” Freddie exclaimed, looking at John with excited eyes. John felt his smile widen. 

“I just thought- it was kind of boring before. Sorry.” John mumbled. “I didn’t mean to mess everyone up.” He whispered, looking at Roger, who was now looking at him with the same confused expression he wore before. 

_What just happened?_ Roger signed, drumsticks still half in his hands.

“Okay, right…” Brian said softly, walking towards John. John felt himself tense up, fearing was about to get reprimanded. “It was really good, John – like ten thousand times better.” He assured; John felt himself breathe a small sigh of relief. “But, the only way that Rog can keep time is with the vibrations of the bass line – he can’t feel the guitar or vocals in the same way.” He explained clearly. John couldn’t help but feel bad – he hadn’t thought about how changing things up might mess with Roger; he hadn’t thought too much about how the whole ‘music’ thing worked for Roger in the first place. “It’s fine – just means we have to figure out the new bass line so that Roger knows how to keep in time with it.” Brian muttered, moving closer to John and strumming his chords. “Play what you just did.” John obliged immediately, plucking out the riff. It didn’t take more than a few bars for Freddie to move closer to join them, making quiet suggestions and comments. The three of them – John and Brian mostly – fiddled with the riff for no more than a minute before a large cymbal crash sounded from the opposite side of the room. All three of the men’s heads whipped around to the source of the noise. Roger sat there with his drumstick raised in his hand, and a very disgruntled look on his face. Brian put his hand up as if to tell Roger to stop, but from the look on Brian’s face, John could tell it was playful. 

“A simple bass drum would have sufficed.” Brian said clearly, his hands appearing to move as diplomatically as his voice, only to be silenced by Roger’s foot coming down loudly on the bass drum. Brian rolled his eyes with smirk on his face. 

_I said – what the fuck is going on?_ Roger’s expressions were larger, and John really wished he knew what he was saying – he figured it would have been rather amusing. 

“Language.” Freddie spoke, and signed to Roger. Roger shot him another unimpressed look before flipping him off. Freddie turned to John. “Don’t need a translation for that one, do you?” He chuckled. John had tried to supress his laughter, but he couldn’t help but giggle a little. He looked over to see Roger was smiling sweetly at him. 

“Sorry for changing the bass line without telling you, Roger.” John said softly, noticing how organically Brian began signing for him – as if it was something he didn’t even have to think about. Roger shot John a wider smile. 

_It’s all good. I’m sure it was better than what the last moron came up with_ Roger signed, rolling his eyes. Both Brian and Freddie let out a chuckle, turning to face Roger. There was a moment of silence; John hadn’t understood what Roger had said, but it seemed that Freddie and Brian hadn’t realised. John felt his bottom lip slip in between his teeth, and he gnawed on it nervously. He didn’t want to have Brian constantly explaining things to him, but he even more so, didn’t like being left out. John noticed as Roger made eye contact with him, before grinning sweetly, his teeth separated enough that John could see the way Roger’s tongue rested against the back of his bottom teeth. He felt himself subconsciously smiling, until their eye contact was broken and Roger’s eyes flicked to Brian as he nodded his head towards John. Brian turned quickly, noticing John standing meekly. 

“He said that it’s fine. He’s sure it was better than whatever the last guy did.” Brian grinned. John felt himself flush a little; he nodded shyly. 

“Should we fix it, then?” John asked quietly, his eyes glancing at Roger, as if he wanted his opinion. He saw the way Brian signed it to him – he signed everything to him. John just wished Brian was as attentive about signing things back to John; he felt bad asking, or waiting for Roger to notice his discomfort. 

“Absolutely; let’s fix this one, and then you can fix all the others… and then you can teach us whatever song goes along with that fantastic riff you played when you auditioned.” Freddie grinned widely. John felt himself blushed bright red as he nodded, not making eye contact with any of them now. They fiddled with the song for a little bit. John was surprised at how little they did to get Roger on the same page. He felt pretty bad for assuming, but he thought it would have likely been a whole ordeal; but, it took John no more than a few run throughs of the new riff for Roger to be back playing the beat he’d had before. Once they had the song sorted out, they played it through a few times, before deciding to have a break before they started the next one. Brian had pottered off to the bathroom, and Freddie was engrossed in some lyrics. John stood quite close to the drum kit – probably a bit too close, in hindsight. But, he was trying to work up the courage to say something to Roger – well, not say something, but do something; anything that meant communicating with him. But, he’d never met a deaf person in his life; he didn’t know the first thing about striking up a conversation with someone who couldn’t hear you. He suddenly appreciated having Brian interpret everything, regardless of whether or not he remembered to interpret Roger’s words back. He watched Roger intently for a while as he twirled his drum sticks in his hand before pretending the play a run. John couldn’t help but smile; he thought it was sweet that Roger was considerate enough to not actually hit the kit, considering it would have had absolutely no effect on him. John glanced at the small table set up in the centre of the room; sitting on it was an ashtray and a notepad. He quickly went over and grabbed it, not wanting to draw too much attention to himself, before he messily scrawled on the pad. 

**I’m going to go to the café next door. Do you want anything?**

Before he could give himself the opportunity to overthink, he thrust the notepad before Roger, clearly startling the boy, as he moved back with wide eyes before he realising what was in front of him. Roger’s eyes quickly scanned the notepad, a wide smile forming on his face. He lifted his gaze to John, who wasn’t sure he’d ever seen a smile so bright – from anyone. Roger reached his hand out as he took the notepad; John quickly handed him the pencil, his heart rate not decreasing even slightly. Roger hunched over to scribble on the pad before handing it back to John.

**I’m really craving a muffin. Can I come with you? :)**

John could feel his own smile widen and he nodded quickly. Roger stood from his kit, placing his drum sticks on the seat and following John out into the courtyard. They reached the café only 50 feet away from the auditorium and stood in line. They were soon one from the front, and it was at that point that John realised he had put the pad and pencil down in the auditorium; there wasn’t time to run back and get it. He looked down at the muffins and saw there were a few options. He gently tapped Roger’s arm; Roger turned to look at him. John gestured to the muffins and waited as Roger pointed to the raspberry and white chocolate one. John nodded quickly to Roger as they stepped to the front of the line. 

“Could I please get one raspberry and white chocolate muffin, and one plain croissant?” John asked politely. The server nodded and began writing it down. 

“Did you want the croissant toasted?” He asked. 

“Yes, please.” John nodded. 

“And the muffin warmed up?” He continued. John’s lips pursed and he held up his finger before turning to Roger, who was watching the exchange, but judging by the look on his face, he hadn’t caught what the gentleman had said. 

“Did you want it warm? Warmed up?” John asked, trying to speak clearly, like how he’d watched Brian do it. John saw how Roger’s head tilted slightly and John bit his lip, starting to get nervous as there were people waiting. John took a step closer to Roger. “Warm; like…” he trailed off, before rubbing his hands quickly up and down Roger’s upper arms, like how you do when you warm someone up on a cold day. Roger laughed through his nose, his eyes closing for a brief second as he nodded, the smile on his face returning. The server nodded in response, also smiling at the rather sweet exchange. 

“That’s £2.50.” The server said quietly. John nodded and reached into his pocket to get out the £5 note he knew he had in there. As he grasped it, he saw Roger with his wallet open. 

“No.” John muttered, hoping his unamused expression, and his larger hand over Roger’s smaller ones would give Roger the idea. He quickly handed the man the money and got his change before being directed to take a seat. They both sat in a rather awkward silence, but Roger still had a sweet smile on his face as he looked John over. John wasn’t entirely sure what he was looking at or for, but his cheeks felt flushed and his stomach was flipping inside. Roger looked at him with a lot more intensity than John felt he’d ever been looked at. The way his eyes darted over John’s eyes and to his lip, his brow furrowed in what John figured was deep concentration. After a few minutes, the awkwardness got the better of John, and he had to try talking to Roger, whether it resulted in something or not. “You’re an amazing drummer.” John said quietly. Roger’s gaze zeroed in on John’s lip and his brows remained knitted together for a few moments before he watched Roger soften, sitting up a little more. Roger brought his hand to his mouth and pulled it away from him; John noticed him mouth something, but he couldn’t quite make out what. John shot him a nervous smile, his calloused fingers running nervously over the table top. Roger repeated the action; John tried to keep his focus on Roger’s lips, but he couldn’t make anything of the formations of the small man’s mouth. John’s nervous smile turned into a more concerned and guilty look only made worse by the way he saw Roger frown a little. “I’m sorry… I can’t read lips like you can.” John said, trying to make his mouth movements clear. Roger shook his head slightly, bringing his hand up to gently pat John’s nervously pacing fingers. John felt himself relax a little, letting out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. 

“He said thank you.” A familiar voice sounded. John turned to see Brian standing behind them, watching precariously. “Is everything okay?” Brian mumbled, not signing to Roger. John nodded quickly. 

“We’re just waiting on some food…” John muttered. He stood and moved towards Brian. For some reason, he felt guilty for bringing Roger – like he’d done the wrong thing by bringing him and not being able to communicate with him. “You guys can go back; I’ll only be a few minutes. Did you want something Brian?” John mumbled, his hands toying with the bottom of his shirt. 

Brian shook his head. “I’m fine; thanks.” He said genuinely. “Come on, Roger. Let’s go get ready to run Doing Alright.” Brian signed and spoke softly. Roger nodded and slowly got up from the table, his eyes floating to John, his expression still a little sad. The two men left and John was left standing awkwardly. He felt like he wasn’t entirely sure what had just happened; but he feared it may have been step backwards in being accepted by the band.   
~~~~  
The rest of rehearsals had been quiet and tentative. John couldn’t help but feel like he’d done something wrong or that Brian was mad at him. Brian had said he and Roger weren’t together, but he was clearly very protective of Roger. When they finished and everyone was silently packing up, John slowly approached Brian. 

“Brian… can I please speak with you?” He said, trying to sound as confident as possible. Brian turned to the smaller man. 

“Yeah, ‘course. What’s wrong?” Brian replied, cheerfully. John was a little hesitant, glancing around the room nervously. “It’s all good. Freddie’s outside packing the van; and Roger…” He trailed off, quirking an eyebrow with a smirk on his face. John chuckled weakly and nodded. 

“I uhh… I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.” John stammered out. 

“What on earth are you sorry about?” Brian said, a smile on his face. 

“For… for taking Roger to the cafe.” John mumbled. Brian gave him a confused look. 

“Did you tie him up and drag him there?” Brian chuckled. “Because, he might be deaf; but, last time I checked, Roger had legs.” John looked up at the taller man. 

“You just seemed so… tense when you came and got him. I didn’t know if I wasn’t supposed to bring him or…” John trailed off, unsure how to finish his apology. 

“John.” Brian said, now more serious than before. “I told you last night; Roger can take care of himself. I only came and got him, because I’ve seen him get really frustrated before when people don’t understand him. I didn’t want him to get angry with you.” Brian said softly, a grin on his face. 

“Get angry with me?” John frowned, glancing back at Roger as he continued to pack down his kit. 

“Yeah.” Brian laughed softly. “Roger’s a total hothead. I know he sometimes gets really annoyed when he’s trying really hard to tell someone something, and it just doesn’t work out. I wasn’t about to see coffee cups flying.” Brian laughed. John let out a nervous laugh and nodded as Roger made his way to here they were standing. 

_Are you talking about me?_ Roger’s face was teasingly interrogating, and it made John chuckle softly. 

“Yeah. You’re trouble.” Brian sighed and spoke, receiving a light slap in return from Roger. Roger reached for the guitar Brian was still holding, Brian easily letting go as Roger pottered off to put it away. “He appreciates that you’re trying; he likes that. Our last couple of bass players couldn’t even do that much.” Brian said softly, a soft frown on his face. 

“What do you mean?” John said softly, his eyes flicking between Brian in front of him and Roger packing up chords. 

“The last few guys didn’t really care much for Roger – you know, the extra time it takes to have a conversation with him. A bit too much for them – sign language isn’t rock ‘n’ roll, apparently.” Brian chuckled, but John could see the slight distaste in his face. 

“But, Roger’s the most rock ‘n’ roll person I’ve ever seen.” John laughed quietly. Brian returned the laugh and nodded slightly. 

“He certainly thinks so.” Brian mumbled, looking back at Roger who had finished packing up and was walking towards them. Roger shot them both a wide grin and two thumbs up when he noticed they were looking at him. Brian waved him over and Roger made his way quickly towards the two of them. Roger nuzzled himself under Brian armpit. John was still not used to the way the three men were so touchy-feely, but he did find it endearing. John watched them both with a small smile on his face. He and Roger made eye contact for a brief moment, and Roger shot him a quick wink. John let his eyes float up to Brian, mostly to avoid the way his stomach did backflips when Roger gave him those little winks.

“Brian…” John said quietly, waiting until the taller man’s eyes locked with his. “Could you maybe teach me sign language?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone for reading! Let me know what you think or if you have any suggestions or requests :) x


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the positive feedback so far! I'm so glad you're enjoying it! Parts of this chapter (the stuff about Roger's poor eyesight) were suggested by 'devereauxing' [I don't want to admit how much concentration wet into spelling that right]; I absolutely loved the idea and wanted to incorporate it. So, if anyone had any fun ideas of suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

John arrived at Brian and Roger’s flat a little after 10am. He had gotten a little lost with the directions Brian gave him, but he managed well enough, and he was sure Brian wouldn’t mind that he was a little late. John reached the front door and knocked; he stood for a while waiting, shaking his hands by his sides to try and shake out his nerves. John didn’t know why he was so nervous? It was just Brian, and it was just Brian teaching him sign language; the same thing he’d probably done for Freddie however long ago they met. Maybe it was because once he started to learn sign language; he’d have no choice but to communicate with Roger - and something about that made his chest tighten and his stomach churn. He really did want to get to know the older man, but John was terribly boring in comparison to the rest of them, and he didn’t want to hear - or more so, see - when Roger realised that fact. John waited for about a minute before he knocked again; he was certain Brian had said Friday at 10, but now he was panicking that he’d misheard or, maybe Brian was joking? John started to fiddle with his fingers, trying to focus on something other than his impending panic. He nervously lifted his fist to knock one more time, but before his knuckles collided with the door, it swung open. 

“Sorry; I was in the bathroom.” Brian said immediately, stepping out the way to let John in. 

“It’s fine. I was worried I’d gotten the wrong time or place.” John admitted, stepping inside and looking around quickly. It was small, but felt really homely; it helped in calming John down a little - not a great deal, but enough that he no longer felt the need to dig his fingernails into his palms. He glanced across the room to the living area, where he saw Roger leaned over the coffee table, putting things in a messenger bag. Just as he glanced over, Roger looked up from his bag and grinned at them before noticing the way Brian looked a little out of breath and disheveled, clearly having just run from the bathroom. 

_Was he at the door?_ Roger signed, his smile immediately dropping. Brian gave a quick nod, but didn’t dwell on it too much. _I’m sorry._ The way Roger’s face dropped, and his mouth curled into a soft pout made all of John’s nerves dissipate. He could guess what Roger had said, and he just wanted to run up and hug him; Roger looked so guilty. 

“Tell him it’s fine.” John said softly, not taking his gaze off Roger. 

“He knows it’s fine.” Brian sighed softly, clearly also upset by Roger’s guilt. 

“Can you please just tell him?” John repeated, a little more confidence in his voice. 

“All good, Rog. Don’t stress.” Brian signed before moving over to him. Roger looked a little flustered as he pushed hair back off his face. John couldn’t help but stare at him; he quite honestly thought his heart was breaking and he just wanted to tell Roger that he wasn’t even waiting that long, and it was fine, but he didn’t want to have to have Brian translate all his rambling. 

_Can I take the van to class today? I don’t wanna take the train._

“Are you gonna wear your glasses?” Brian asked, a smirk on his face. Roger gave Brian a disgusted face. “No glasses; no keys.” Brian teased. Roger rolled his eyes as he reached down and grabbed the glasses case off of the coffee table before holding out his hand. Brian pulled keys out of his pocket and plopped them into Roger’s hand. He pulled his bag over his shoulder and moved around the couch to head to the front door. He gently touched John’s arm as he walked past. John figured it was to get his attention, because that’s what he’d seen Freddie and Brian do to get Roger to look at them, but Roger clearly didn’t seem to realise how John’s eyes were already glued to him. John’s gaze followed Roger as he reached the front door, giving a quick wave as he disappeared out of the flat. “He’s not going to wear them.” Brian muttered once the door had shut. John quirked his eyebrow at Brian, who just chuckled softly. “Roger’s eyesight isn’t exactly a 10/10… the optometrist said he can drive as long as he wears his glasses; but do you think I can get him to put the damn things on? Absolutely not; he’s probably out there being a hazard to society.” Brian chuckled. John’s eyes widened slightly. 

“He’s deaf, and blind - and you’re letting him drive a car!” John exclaimed, his shock not as genuine as his sentence claimed. Brian laughed softly as he gestured John over to the couch with a shift of his head 

“He’ll be right. He loves that van too much to crash it.” John nodded slowly, still not sure that that made it any better. John reached the couch and they both sat beside one another.

“Did you tell Roger that I wanted to learn sign language?’ John said softly. Brian shook his head, curls bouncing around a little. 

“No - hadn’t mentioned it. I just said you were coming to hang out.” Brian grinned, reaching for a cup of tea on the table that must’ve been from earlier. 

“Good.” John said softly, watching Brian’s hand travel. “I wanna surprise him.” John mumbled. Brian placed his drink down and turned to John, a somewhat cheeky grin appearing on his face. Brian’s eyes flicked over John. They remained like that for a little too long for comfort, John beginning to get nervous at Brian smiling so genuinely at him.

“He’ll like that.” Brian said softly, his smile not disappearing. “What did you want to start with?” Brian asked, shifting to face John. 

“I don’t know; whatever’s most important.” John chuckled nervously, unsure why Brian was giving him the choice. 

“Alright: drums, beer, sex, cars.” Brian said, signing each word as he spoke before laughing quietly. John giggled in return. 

“Got it.” John grinned, trying to make the movements. He knew he was making a mockery of how nicely Brian signed everything, but Brian was grinning widely nonetheless. 

“Good try.” He chuckled. “And always say the words you’re signing. That way, Roger can also try lip reading if he gets stuck, or you don’t know a certain word.” John nodded quickly. 

“How long have you known sign language for?” 

“A little over three years. I started learning when I met Roger.” Brian said softly, standing and taking his mug to the kitchen. “Tea?” Brian asked, looking at John through the serving hatch. 

“Yes, please.” John said quickly before pressing on. “You learnt sign language just because of Roger? But, you’re like… fluent.” John said softly, unsure if it was the right word. Brian chuckled quietly as he went about making tea. 

“You do realise you’re also learning sign language just because of Roger?” Brian teased. John felt his cheeks flush. 

“Yeah - but that’s different. You’re teaching me… who taught you?” John mumbled, peering at Brian. 

“I taught me.” Brian chuckled. “I would go to the library and read about it; and then come home and try and have a conversation with Roger. Then I’d go read some more about whatever parts didn’t work. Eventually, I stopped having to go back.” Brian explained. John nodded along. 

“But why?” John questioned quietly. 

“John… why are you learning sign language?” Brian looked at him knowingly as he walked back with their tea. 

“Thank you.” John whispered, taking the mug as he thought for a moment about how best to answer Brian’s question. “I don’t know. I want to talk to him… I’m new to this, and I’m just trying to get to know you all; he deserves to be a part of the conversation.” John said, staring down at his drink. 

“God, you’re already sounding like me - preaching and all that.” Brian teased, nudging John softly. John let out a soft chuckle through his nose – not unlike the ones he’d seen Roger do – and shook his head as the room fell silent. “It’s not a bad thing.” Brian said quieter. 

“How did you guys meet?” John said softly, no longer wanting to dwell on his subconscious intentions of learning sign language. “You and Roger” 

“My old bandmate and I put out a notice for a drummer; then we got this call from some random guy saying that his friend was a drummer – he said he was deaf, but he could do it. At first we thought it was some prank call.” Brian chuckled. “But, we went along anyway - saw Roger play, and well… that’s it.” Brian grinned. 

“And living together?” John continued, hoping he wasn’t being too forward. 

“Roger and I were both looking for a roommate at the same time. He was struggling to find someone that he could actually communicate with; and I was struggling to find someone that didn’t annoy me. So, I said I would learn sign language and we moved in together.” Brian grinned. 

“And Roger doesn’t annoy you?” John asked, grinning as he saw Brian roll his eyes. 

“He annoys me more than any other roommate I’ve ever had.” Brian chuckled. “But, he annoys me with his love and affection… which is okay with me. He turned out to be my best friend; and I think your best friend’s allowed to bother you.” He grinned. 

“You really care about him…” John smiled, sitting up a little straighter. Brian nodded slowly, a slightly embarrassed smile on his face. 

“I like to think he cares about me too.” Brian laughed, his voice sounding jokingly offended.

“I’ve only known you guys for a few days… and I can tell you all really care about each other.” John said softly, his voice shaky with nerves. He thought again about how much he wanted to be a part of their little group - not just a part of their band. Brian gave him a soft smile. 

“Thanks, Deaky.” Brian said softly. There were a few moments of awkward silence, before Brian shifted and began speaking again. “You’re gonna fit in great.” He whispered, almost as if it was a secret. John would have been lying if he’d tried to claim that such statement didn’t make his heart almost jump from his chest. He couldn’t do more than nod with small on his face. As if Brian could sense his current state, he clasped his hands together. “But, you can’t fit in if you can’t understand Roger - so let’s do this.” He chuckled. John nodded and shifted on couch to face Brian directly. 

“Hit me with it.” John grinned, placing his cup of tea down to focus on Brian. 

“Okay. First thing – you want to always stand or sit facing Roger; hips square so he can see everything you’re doing clearly.” Brian said, moving to face John ever more; John did the same, turning so one leg was folded on the couch. “Eye contact is also super important – because he can’t hear you, Roger relies really heavily on visual cues to sense your tone and expression, and your eyes tell a lot about how you’re feeling.” He explained. John nodded, listening intently to Brian. “I’ve noticed when you and Roger are talking that you repeat yourself for him; which is great, and so helpful – but, sometimes it’s not the lip-reading itself that’s he’s struggling with, but the words you’re using. Some words are just harder to understand through lip-reading and rephrasing the sentence can really help.” John continued nodding, fascinated by all the little things Brian had picked up over the years. “You’ll probably notice Roger squinting at you or nodding his head when you’re signing or speaking to him. He’s either squinting because he’s concentrating, or because the little shit won’t put his glasses on and can’t actually see you.” Brian chuckled; John returned the laughter. “And as you just saw, that’s not an argument you can win – trust me. Just let a few steps closer. If he’s nodding, it’s probably not a yes – more so him letting you know he understands you and is following along as the words get spoken or signed to him. Make sense?” Brian asked quietly, almost searching John’s face for potential regret. John nodded slowly. 

“I think so… it’s a lot. I’m worried I’m going to do something wrong.” John admitted, running his fingers over one another nervously. 

“Oh – don’t worry about it. It’s really a non-issue; Roger is going to be thrilled that you’re even trying – a few mistakes aren’t going to matter.” Brian said seriously. “I think those are the real major things to remember. Anything else we can just talk about when it comes up, yeah?” John nodded slowly in response, his brain running at a million miles an hour to keep up with all of the intricacies. 

When Brian starting teaching John the hand signals, it was actually easier than John had anticipated. Most of the actions were pretty self-explanatory with the words, and it made it a lot easier to remember them. Brian started off teaching him numbers and days of the week in case they needed to schedule something; and then the alphabet, so John could fill in words he didn’t know yet. After that, they moved on to basic phrases or words like ‘how are you?’ and ‘what are you doing?’. Occasionally, Brian would lean over to adjust John’s hand positions, or explain how a signal for a particular word was different than another similar one. 

It had been two hours, and John had been feeling pretty confident – he and Brian had even had a short practice conversation that went well enough in John’s opinion. He wasn’t sure he was having any kind of real conversation with Roger any time soon – but it was a good enough start. They had just started getting into the music-centric words that Brian thought would be important for learning new songs and rehearsing together when the door flung open and Roger came through it and walked straight to what John assumed was his bedroom, not stopping to even acknowledge them. He turned to Brian, who wore a confused expression. 

“He’s not supposed to be home until 4.” Brian mumbled, glancing at the wall clock; it hadn’t even gone 1pm yet. Brian stood up and slowly walked out from behind the couch. 

“Should I just wait here?” John asked quietly, eyes flickering from Brian to the door Roger has disappeared through. 

“Uhh – I guess it doesn’t really matter…” Brian mumbled, more concerned with Roger than John – which was fair. John slowly stood up, trailing behind Brian as he made his way to the door. John was right – it was Roger’s bedroom; and he could see, even from where he was standing, much further back than Brian, that Roger was lying sideways on his bed, legs dangling off the side. He was staring at the ceiling, and John could see the way his chest rose and fell in stutters, as if he was crying. It wasn’t until he’d made it a little closer to the door, standing out of sight behind the door frame, that he could hear soft noises coming from the small man. They weren’t cries like he’s heard from others, or that he’d done himself. They were marginally different, but still unmistakable as any other than crying. John frowned deeply and looked at Brian, who shot him a small frown before entering the bedroom. Brian moved to sit beside Roger, the weight on the bed causing him to glance over. 

“Rog. What’s wrong?” Brian asked, looking down at Roger with a sympathetic smile. Roger sat up, his body moving angrily, but he face reading nothing but sadness. Roger was turned to face Brian, meaning he couldn’t see John poking his head through the door. John figured that was a good thing, considering they still didn’t know each other that well, and Roger seemed the most vulnerable John had seen him at this point. 

_We had a guest lecturer today. She didn’t have any handouts or anything – nothing I could read. So, I just sat there and pretended like I knew what was going on… and then she called on me. She asked me something and I couldn’t understand her. I tried reading her lips but then she got mad at me for looking at her with “disrespect” and when I tried writing it down just asking her to repeat the question, she got even angrier – I don’t even know what she was saying._ Roger was rambling, John was only picking up every tenth word, so he really didn’t know what he was saying, but he could tell Roger was flustered and upset – and that alone was enough to stir up a mix or sadness and anger. _No one stood up for me, Bri. Not one single person in the whole lecture hall…_ Roger signed, his eyes started to water again. _She made me leave…_ Roger buried his face into the crook of Brian’s arm, crying softly with his choked up and odd-sounding cries. Brian looked up to see John watching, and he quickly disappeared back behind the door frame, not wanting to intrude on what was clearly an emotional moment. Brian turned to Roger, grasping his shoulders gently to get his attention. 

“Hey – it’s okay. We’re going to talk about it; just give me one second okay?” Brian spoke clearly enough that John could hear; and he was suddenly worried he was going to get reprimanded for eavesdropping on what was likely personal. He made his way further and further from the door until Brian was right beside him. “Hey, John; sorry about that.” He said as he placed a hand on John’s shoulder. John was a little shocked that Brian was the one apologising to him, but he wasn’t going to complain about it. 

“Is everything okay?” John mumbled, looking at Brian’s sad and somewhat defeated expression. “I couldn’t really catch it all – it was a lot.” He mumbled. Brian sighed loudly. 

“It’s okay – just stuff at the university. It’s not easy…” Brian mumbled, rubbing his large hand over his face. “He’ll be okay; it’s… it’s not the first time.” He sighed, shaking his head. John frowned at that; to think that Roger came home like that often wasn’t something John wanted to think about – or something John was okay with, for that matter. He was starting to understand why Brian was so protective over Roger. 

“Can Roger speak?” John said softly. It wasn’t something he really intended on saying – it just kind of came out before he had a chance to filter himself. Brian turned to look at him more properly, seemingly also a bit taken aback – but not necessarily in a bad way. 

“Uhh… sort of; but, he doesn’t really like it. Why do you ask?” Brian said cautiously, unsure of the potential direction of the conversation. John paused for a moment, trying to think how best to say it without possibly offending Brian. 

“He was just making little noises and I-… I’m sorry; I guess now isn’t really the time…” John mumbled, thinking about how Roger was probably still crying in there, and he was outside asking frivolous questions. 

“No… it’s fine.” Brian sighed. He seemed annoyed, but John couldn’t help feeling that it wasn’t at him. “He works on the whole talking thing sometimes… but it’s not natural for him like it is for us. Those little noises are just guttural sounds his body makes – he doesn’t even know he’s doing it.” Brian explained shortly. “He won’t talk if you ask him to, if that’s what you’re getting at?” Brian said, looking quizzically at John. 

“Oh, no… I wasn’t suggesting that. I was just curious. I’m sorry.” John muttered, looking at his feet. 

“It’s all good, John.” Brian said sweetly, his hand reaching up and gently grabbing John’s shoulder. 

“Should I go?” John asked quietly. 

“You can if you want – we can keep working on it later.” Brian nodded. “But, you’re welcome to wait around while I try and calm Roger down and convince him to go back to uni, or for a walk, or to have a damn nap.” Brian chuckled softly, but John could tell it wasn’t the most genuinely content laugh he’d seen from the man. John couldn’t help but frown; he’d only been amongst these men for a few days, and he was already so disheartened by the way the situations they were seemingly regularly put it, took everything out of them. 

“Would I umm… would it be possible for me to see Roger?” John asked nervously, not wanting to get in the way of whatever Brian’s tactics were for bringing Roger back to planet earth. John was also well aware of how Brian had mentioned Roger was a bit hot-heated, and he wasn’t 100% sure he wanted to be on the receiving end of whatever was closest for Roger to throw. He noticed Brian’s expression shift; from surprised to a soft smile – the most genuine he’d seen in the last ten minutes. 

“Of course you can, Deaky.” Brian said softly, his smile widening. “You wanna go in by yourself?” He asked; John’s face screwed up a little, he wasn’t entirely sure of his signing abilities – he wasn’t sure at all, in fact. “I think you’ll do fine; and I’ll be right in the living room if you’re struggling, okay?” Brian said calmingly, his grin never wavering. John finally nodded. 

“Okay…” John mumbled before slowly turning on his heels and taking small marching steps back to the bedroom. He reached the slightly ajar door and raised his hand to knock before rolling his eyes and mentally noting himself down as a right idiot. He pushed the door slightly; Roger was still sitting where Brian had left him. John could tell how Roger’s expression shifted to confusion when he caught sight of John entering the room. John shot him a smile, trying to seem as least nervous as possible. He took a few steps closer, wanting to ensure Roger could see him; and made sure he was standing square with Roger so everything he signed was clear. He really felt like he had one chance to prove to Roger that he was serious about learning to communicate with him, and he didn’t want to blow it – he had to get it right or Roger would think he was just taking the piss. He took a deep breath and raised shaky hands in front of his chest. 

“Are… you… okay?” John began, speaking slow in conjunction with his disjointed signing. He really couldn’t make it look nice in the way that Brian and Roger did. “Do you… want to… talk… about it?” He knew it wasn’t great, but he felt like he’d done a fairly decent job for someone that had been none the wiser just three hours ago. He watched as Roger’s confused and saddened expression transformed into the cheekiest smile John had ever seen. His eyes were bright as he quickly wiped away his tears. Roger nodded strongly, his whole body moving with each nod. He moved over slightly and pat the bed gently, John quickly obliging and moving to sit beside him. John had barely sat down ready to have a less than smooth conversation with Roger, when he felt himself be struck in the torso with a hug – one the most sincere and genuine hugs John had ever received. He quickly reached up to wrap his arms around Roger, gripping him as tightly as Roger did him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are soooo appreciated. I loooove hearing what you guys think. It absolutely makes my day :) x


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all SOOOO much for the support. I love waking up to all the comments - it means so much. Please continue to tell me what you think - love reading it. 
> 
> Side note and fun fact: I've done so much research for this fic that now all of my social media and internet ads are for deaf organisations and service - so the government defs thinks somethings going on haha

John woke up the next morning feeling great – even better he usually would on a Friday morning, and despite getting very little sleep. He and Roger had had a really good – albeit slow – talk the day before; they talked about university, and what they were studying. John did his best to sign to Roger, having to spell quite a lot out to him to fill in the words that Brian hadn’t taught him yet. John occasionally had to ask Roger to slow down his movements while he processed the individual words into a sentence. It was the slowest conversation John thought he’d ever had – but it was so gentle and full of patience from both ends, that John felt unbelievably fulfilled, despite how frivolous the topics of conversation were; he really hoped Roger felt the same. Both Brian and Roger had offered for John to stay for dinner, but they didn’t seem to mind too much when he declined – he felt he had something a little more important to take care of.

John had some early classes that morning, and then a little break before he had to meet with the band. He had decided to stay in the electronics room and work on what had been keeping him up all of the night previous. When it hit 4 o’clock, he figured he would head over and wait around in the auditorium for the others. As he entered the large room, he saw Roger already sitting behind a set up drum kit. He was facing the auditorium door and noticed John immediately, a smile spreading across his previously concentrated face.

“You’re… early.” John signed and spoke slowly. He looked around at all the stuff set up; there was an amp and lead waiting for John’s bass by Roger. “Brian let you take the… V – A – N?” He signed; John really thought Roger thought he was an idiot, not knowing how to have a proper conversation, or knowing all the words that Freddie and Brian knew. But, every time he focused on Roger after he’d signed something, there was still strange look of adoration that Roger never had when Brian signed to him. Maybe it was that Roger had grown accustomed to Brian knowing how to communicate with him, and no longer appreciated it the way he did John. Regardless, the looks Roger shot him instantly dissipated John’s anxieties about not knowing enough sign language. “Glasses?” John spoke and signed, a small, teasing grin on his face. Roger immediately rolled his eyes and shook his head, his face screwed up in disgust. John chuckled softly and moved closer to where his amp was, right by Roger’s kit. “Why… are you… early?” John signed slowly. Roger put down his drumsticks and shifted so John could see him better.

 _Classes finished as 2. Thought I would come and get ready; have a play around._ Roger signed much slower for John than he normally would with Brian and Freddie. _Why are you early?_

“Classes… finished at 4.” John said quickly, moving to sit at one of the student desks. Roger slowly got up and moved to sit beside him; John figured it was because he couldn’t see what John was signing from so far away. Roger plopped himself down on the seat beside John, putting his feet up on the student table

 _Is everything starting to come along?_ John shot Roger a slightly confused look, a mix of not understanding the signals, or the context they were in. _How’s the music sounding?_ Roger repeated. John nodded slowly.

“It sounds good… You can’t tell?” John questioned, not completely sure why Roger would be in a band if he couldn’t hear whether they sounded good or not.

 _Not really; I can hear you and myself – we’re good together._ Roger signed. John didn’t quite follow what Roger had signed. He held up one finger, hoping Roger would understand that he needed to hear it again. _I can hear you and myself… I can’t hear the guitar or vocals._ Roger signed especially slowly, but John got it this time. John nodded slowly in thought.

“Why… do you… play… if you can’t… hear it?” John signed, looking at Roger with furrowed brows. Roger shot John a small smile and adjusted his seating so he was now leaning forward towards John.

 _You don’t need to be able to hear the music to feel the rhythm. I’m never going to be a singer – never going to play the piano or guitar and make up riffs and songs; I know that. But, I know what my drumming sounds like… I know what your bass playing sounds like. I feel it in vibrations through the floor. Instead of with my ears… it’s with my body. I might not hear all the different notes, but I know you’re a bloody good bass player._ The signing was overwhelming for John. He had only caught every few words, and was trying to string them together well enough to form a coherent sentence. As Roger noticed the confusion on John’s face, he leant forward further and gripped his shoulder to get John’s attention. _You’re a… really good… bass player_. Roger signed very slowly. John could feel himself blushing, hard.

“Thank you, Roger. You’re drumming is… A – M – A – Z – I – N – G.” John responded, rouge still spread across his face. Roger grinned wider and shot him a wink – it did nothing to hide the redness in John’s face. After a few moments of comfortable silence and exchanged grins, John adjusted himself to continue speaking. “Why don’t you… get… hearing… aids?” John asked, causing Roger’s grin to falter ever so slightly.

 _I much prefer it this way._ Roger signed slowly and simply, before diverting his eyes away for a moment.

“But, don’t you want to… hear what… people are… saying… or how… our music… sounds?” John signed, his voice and face a little sad.

 _It doesn’t work like that. It’s not like I can suddenly hear everything._ Roger stopped, with a seemingly upset and annoyed look on his face. I _don’t need you to pity me… I’m not dying; I’m happy and healthy. I’m fine._ Roger signed, and John wished he didn’t understand what Roger had said.

“I’m sorry.” John mumbled, too caught up in feeling terrible to sign back to Roger. He watched as Roger’s face softened, changing to a sweet smile.

 _Don’t worry about it – just remember._ Roger signed before standing up and giving John’s shoulder one gentle squeeze before pottering off to his drums. Roger sat down and turned back to John who was now staring at the floor. Roger reached back and mindlessly tapped the snare drum a few times, causing John to look up. As he looked up, John caught Roger’s grin and couldn’t help but return it; he hoped that Roger was as ‘not-annoyed’ with him as he looked in that moment. _Can you show me that riff you played at auditions? I want to add something cool to it._ Roger signed, a wide grin on his face. John studied his movements for a bit, slowly working his way through each sign before nodded and standing up, quickly moving to his bass case. The two men worked on the riff for about half an hour, adding a drum beat that John thought fit the tune perfectly. They didn’t stop until it was about 4:30pm, when Brian walked in with an arm full of books. He saw them both playing and gave them a confused look; this caused John to stop playing, Roger doing the same when he looked up and saw Brian. He placed his books on one of the student desks and walked closer to them.

“What’s going on?” he spoke and signed, his face suspicious.

“We’re just messing around with the riff I wrote. Roger added some drums.” John explained, figuring that Roger didn’t need to be signed to, considering he knew exactly what they were doing.

“But why are you here so early?” Brian asked, gesturing to all the equipment already set up.

“My classes finished at 4… and Roger’s finished at 2.” John said softly, his voice now quieter as Brian approached them with increasing doubt. As he finished his sentence, Brian’s eyes flicked to Roger with a displeased look.

“Classes finished at 2, did they Rog?” Brian signed, his expression even more annoyed now. Roger’s grin widened and he nodded.

 _Sure did._ He teased, giving Brian a wink as he stood up.

“You can’t avoid going to university or you’re going to flunk out.” Brian lectured, John couldn’t help but chuckle as Roger rolled his eyes. “Just go to them and tell them that you’re struggling with the content because the lecturers aren’t very accommodating. They’re not going to kick you out or anything… but, they will kick you out for slacking off…” He trailed off with a groan. “Roger!” He snapped. John glanced over to Roger to see he had closed his eyes. John couldn’t help but giggle as Brian ran frustrated hands through his hair. “Such a dick.” He muttered as he turned towards his guitar case. He sent John a glance. “You’re laughing now… but as soon as he’s comfortable around you, this is how he’ll ignore you. I assure you it’s the most frustrating thing in the world.” Brian groaned. John couldn’t help but laugh as Roger peeked one eye open, looking around. Clearly seeing that Brian was no longer lecturing him, he opened both eyes and walked back over to the drums, shooting John a cheek grin on the way. They all sat strumming, plucking and hitting mindlessly at their instruments while they waited for Freddie, who was now 20 minutes late.

“I do not feel bad for being late… at all.” John said sarcastically to Brian, who just chuckled and nodded.

“Get used to it.” Almost as if his ears were burning, Freddie gave flouncing through the door with papers under his arm

“Sorry dears. I had business to attend to.” Freddie sung, signing with the same pep he had in his step.

 _I swear to god, Freddie. If that business was a ‘somebody’_ … Roger signed, rolling his eyes from his seat by his drums.

“No, darling; that was yesterday. Please don’t come for my lifestyle simply because you haven’t been laid as of late.” He teased, shooting Roger a devilish grin. Roger shot back an annoyed but playful look. “I think I might have a gig for us!” Freddie continued, plopping the papers in Brian’s lap. Brian handed one each to Roger and John; they were flyers for a pub just down the street from where Roger and Brian lived, who were advertising for live music. “I called – told them we were Smile… but better.” Freddie grinned, moving about overdramatically. “They’re very interested; said they would call back in the next few hours – I gave them Brian and Roger’s number.” He grinned, looking between the three men.

“That’s great, Freddie.” John was the first to speak; Freddie seemed almost taken aback that John had been so valiant in speaking up first.

“I know, dear. It’s next Saturday – which gives us a little over a week. So, we better get to teaching you to rest of the songs… quick smart.” Freddie grinned, clapping his hands as if to get everyone moving.

 _I wonder why on earth we’d be behind schedule._ Roger signed, adjusting on his seat. Even without the actual spoken word, John could feel the annoyed sarcasm radiating from Roger’s movements.

They practised for a while, working to perfect the songs that the other three had ready for next weekend. Things were going fairly well. Occasionally, John would mention to Roger that he was going to do something a little different with the bassline, showing him so he could feel the rhythms and play accordingly. John felt like they all fit together musically, as a four piece really well – he and Roger especially. After about two and a half hours, they decided to call it a night – all of them exhausted after a long week.

“To the pub, darlings? A celebration of our successes” Freddie grinned, looking around at the group as they packed up in relative silence.

“Not sure Rog and I can afford it.” Brian mumbled. Roger was currently loading most of his kit into the back of the van while the other three were cleaning up inside. “Plus… we haven’t got the gig yet.” Brian said seriously, give Freddie a ‘look’. Freddie just rolled his eyes.

“I don’t just mean to gig, dear. We have Deaky now… which is a mammoth step closer to making it – I’m certain.” He grinned, looking at John who was now looking at them.

“How ‘bout just a drink at our place?” Brian suggested; Freddie sighed and nodded, clearly with reluctance. Just as they were fiddling with the last few wires and cables, Roger came back in a little out of breath, likely from lifting the drum into the van.

 _What’s happening?_ Roger asked, standing between the three of them.

“Drinks at your place.” Freddie replied quickly, reaching for his bookbag. Roger nodded and started to walk back to the van.

“Wait!” John said quickly, causing Freddie to grasp Roger’s upper arm and turn him back around. “Before we go… I uhh- Brian, could you please sign for me. I want to say something, but I really don’t want us all to be stuck here for another 40 minutes.” He chuckled softly. Brian returned the chuckle and nodded. “I umm… I have a present – it’s for Roger and Brian’s- it’s mostly for Roger, but it’s for the flat so…” he rambled before shooting Brian a look in hopes that all his back tracking hadn’t left the man in disarray; it hadn’t. John let out a small sigh and turned to his book bag, fishing through it to pull out a small box. He stood for a moment looking at it, unsure of whether to explain himself first, or just hand the box over. John took a few tentative steps closer to Roger before thrusting the box forward. Unlike most of the time, Roger was paying attention and he took the box with nervous, but quick hands. Roger glanced one more time at John and then Brian, perhaps to check they had anything else to say. He pulled open the sides of the cardboard box and flipped open the top, peering inside. His gazed lifted to John’s and his expression was confused. “They’re uhh-“ he began, watching as Roger looked to Brian. “It’s a flashing doorbell… I made it with some of the stuff from the electronics labs and just random scraps I had at home…” John explained, now more nervous than was probably necessary. Freddie had now moved behind Roger to look at the object now in his hand. “They hang over the top of the door; someone pushes the doorbell and on the other side, the bulb flashes real bright a few times.” John said as his gaze shifted to the floor. The entire evening he’d spent crafting them, he’d been worried that Roger would have been angry or upset that he’d rehashed the doorbell issue, and now that Roger might think he was ‘pitying’ him. But when he finally looked back he noticed how Roger’s gaze was trained on him. “I have another one in my bag… for your bedroom. I know I’d be mad if people just walked into my bedroom.” John chuckled. “You’ll have to keep me updated on how they’re working; if you need brighter bulbs, or if anything breaks and needs replacing.” He explained. He was interrupted by the sound of Freddie’s delicate voice, a wide grin more than evident in his tone.

“Good thing Brian’s listening, because he got none of that.” Freddie chuckled, gesturing a head towards Brian. He had been signing everything John had said, but Roger’s gaze hadn’t shifted from John since he had explained what the items were. His brows were furrowed, but not in their usual confusion or concentration. His expression read surprise, but with deep emotion behind it. John couldn’t gauge what Roger actually thought, and be damned if he could have expected a small choked sob to spring from Roger’s mouth. Having clearly felt the sound escape his lips, Roger quickly covered his mouth. John watched as Roger handed the small box to Freddie and moved gradually closer to John. Before John could process the changing pace of the situation, Roger had knocked him back a few steps, launching his smaller body into John’s. John was quick to wrap his arms around Roger, who was holding him so tightly that John was glad the man was a bit weak, otherwise he might have sustained genuine bruising. John was never one for physical touch, but he very much hadn’t minded the two embraces Roger had bestowed upon him. There was something about the veracity behind the way Roger launched himself into the hug and John could feel the intensity in the way he gripped John – like he really meant it. It was in this same way that John was starting to see how Roger could definitely be hot-headed; overcome with emotions and incapable of holding back even a little – it definitely made sense; and that was fine with John provided he wasn’t ever on the receiving end of Roger’s more rage-fuelled intensity. They stayed like that for a little while, no one saying anything, before Roger pulled back with the same amount of intensity, gripping John’s shoulders and looking up at him with teary eyes.

 _Thank you._ Roger signed, mouthing the words as best as he could. John shot him a sweet smile. That was the same thing Roger had tried to sign to him when they were alone in the café; when John didn’t know the first thing about sign language and they couldn’t communicate with each other at all – not that John thought he was particularly exemplary now. But, just thinking about how far they’d come in the last two days made John feel like there was very realistically a place in their little group for him, and it made his heart sing.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I only posted yesterday, but I thought I would give you all another chapter, seeing as I don't think I'll be able to post again until Monday/Tuesday. 
> 
> Another fun fact: I keep going to reference my sources because university has ruined me :)

They all rode in the van back to Brian and Roger’s place. Freddie was sat in the front seat and John and Roger in the back. Roger was resting his head against the side of the van with his eyes closed, which John had that day learnt meant he did not want to talk to anyone. The longer the ride took, the more John started to work himself up about why Roger didn’t want to talk to him. They were currently sat opposite each other, and after John had given Roger the doorbells, he seemed so content – now he wasn’t even looking at him. When they got back, they had all gone inside; Roger was the last one in, slamming the door as he walked to his room. John looked at Brian worried, but Brian didn’t seem the notice.

“What’s wrong with Roger?” John mumbled, looking at the two men in the living room. Brian shot him a slightly confused glance.

“Nothing, I think; why?” Brian said quietly as he and Freddie ventured to the kitchen, presumably to look for alcohol.

“He was really quiet in the van… and he just went straight off to his room…” John mumbled, looking at his feet.

“If there was something wrong, he’d probably be in here whining about it.” Brian chuckled. “But, you can go check on him if you want.” John gave Brian a short nod, but didn’t move straight away. He and Roger still didn’t know each other that well, and if Roger was upset, John probably wasn’t who he wanted to see. John felt himself walking slowly to Roger’s room, running through the events of that afternoon that could have possibly bothered Roger. He reached the door to find that Roger hadn’t yet thought to hang up the doorbell, and it sent John into a panic – what if he hated the gift, thought it was insensitive and that John was prying in his personal life? But, he had seemed so happy after John gave it to him. John breathed a shaky breath and reluctantly pushed open the door. He peered inside to see Roger lying on his back on the bed, eyes shut with him arms behind his head. It didn’t necessarily look like Roger was trying to sleep, but John wasn’t sure whether he’d want to be disturbed. John took a few tentative steps closer to Roger before carefully sitting on the bed. The slight movements of the mattress caused Roger to peel one eye open and glance in the direction of the movement. When his eyes caught John’s he grinned widely and gave a cute little wave; John couldn’t help but giggle as he returned it.

“Is everything okay?” John said softly, signing cautiously, not wanting to have something thrown at him. Roger shot him a slightly confused look and nodded. “Why’d you… S – T – O – R – M off?” John signed, now also wearing a confused expression. Roger’s face only became more muddled as he pushed himself to sit up.

 _Storm off?_ Roger signed as he propped himself up against the wall.

“You… slammed the door, and then came in here…” John signed, his face clearly riddled with concern. He grew even more worried when Roger simply breathed a chuckled from his nose, leaving the air silent in the moments that followed.

 _I forget that doors make a lot of noise if you don’t close them gently; not like I can hear it._ Roger shot John a shit-eating grin; John let out a soft chuckle, a wide smile now present on his face. _Sorry._ John just shook his head in reply.

“Why are you… hiding in here?” John asked, a smile still on his face. Roger’s smile fell slightly, but only to what appeared to be a fond smile.

 _I’m not hiding; I just need a little breather. I spend all day reading lips and interpreting sign language – it’s absolutely exhausting. Sometimes I just need to shut my eyes and block out the world._ Roger signed. John suddenly felt really bad for coming in and forcing Roger to do the exact opposite of what he wanted in that moment. It had never occurred to John how sign language could be exhausting. He knew when talking with Roger that he sometimes got a little overwhelmed, but he figured that had a lot to do with not knowing sign language very well. He hadn’t thought about how tired Roger must be from working his brain so hard.

“I’m sorry. I’ll leave you to it.” John signed, already standing up and beginning to back away. He stopped for a moment as Roger brow’s furrowed.

 _You can stay if you want… provided you don’t make too much noise._ Roger signed, giving John a moment to catch up with his signing before shooting him a wink. John let out a small chuckle and nodded. Roger pat the bed beside him and John sheepishly moved to sit. John thought for a moment that it was going to be awkward, not saying anything while he sat in the bed of someone he barely knew. But, with the door shut, John couldn’t even make out Brian and Freddie from the kitchen; and with the complete lack of aural stimulants in Roger’s room, John felt for a moment that he got a tiny glimpse into how Roger lived. Sure, he’d never understand not getting to hear people speak, and having to communicate through a language that most of the people around him didn’t know. But, he felt like in the silence of Roger’s sparse bedroom, he “got” Roger – even if it was only for a millisecond. John felt himself close his eyes, wanting to see what it was like for Roger, who with his eyes shut, was completely blocked off from the rest of the world. His thoughts were interrupted as the door opened. He glanced over to see Brian standing in the doorway, who was now giving them a slightly confused look, but he had a slight grin on his face.

“Everything okay?” Brian practically whispered. John sat up more, his legs now slung off the edge of the bed.

“Uhh- yeah. Roger was- umm… he was a bit tired and I…” John stammered, unsure how to explain exactly why he was lying in Roger’s bed. He knew that Brian was protective, and didn’t take kindly to Roger being taken advantage. “I wasn’t… he umm-“ John said softly, wishing Roger would just open his eyes and defend John. He didn’t want to be forcibly removed from the apartment – and the band – before they’d even played a gig. Brian let out a soft chuckle.

“What you’re saying is Roger’s being an over-the-top drama queen?” Brian smirked, bringing the beer in his hand up to his lips to take a sip. John let out a soft chuckle – along with his baited breath – before he nodded quickly, desperately trying to get himself out of impending trouble. “Tell him to get over it or we’re going to run out of alcohol before he decides to join us.” Brian teased before disappearing down the hallway. John felt his entire body relax once Brian was gone – it wasn’t something about Brian that made him nervous, it was the potential idea that John would be trying to “manipulate” Roger – as Brian had put it – that made John feel a little uneasy. He looked back at the older man, eyes still closed as if he was oblivious to the world. John bit his lip and reached his hand slightly over to run his fingers along Roger’s exposed forearm. It wasn’t inappropriate in the slightest – he’d watched Freddie and Brian grab and touch at Roger to get his attention, and Roger had even brushed over John’s arm on his way out the flat the other day – but something about the circumstances; being sat in Roger’s bed, having been “caught out” by Brian for doing absolutely nothing, the sheer silence that John was growing to dislike – everything seemed so alarmingly intimate, to the point that John almost felt like he was taking advantage of Roger. Almost as soon as their skin made contact, Roger shifted his head to look at John; John pulled his hand back with instant recoil.

“Brian said they’re… going to… run out of… A – L – C – O – H – O – L if you don’t hurry up.” John said and signed, giving Roger a weak grin. Roger nodded shortly and pushed himself off the bed, hurrying silently out the door. John stood and followed as quickly as his almost numb limbs would allow. When they reached the living room, Freddie handed them both a beer, Roger accepted with a far more genuine grin than John. As they all sat comfortably in the small living area, Freddie and Brian picked up a conversation it seemed they had begun earlier. John could see from the corner of his eye, Roger shifting to face him; John hesitantly did the same.

“I’m sorry I touched you when you were in bed.” John blurted out, completely forgetting to sign, and hoping the odd phrase wasn’t picked up by the other two men. Clearly, Roger had caught his nervous phrase through lip-reading, as he chuckled softly.

 _You’re sorry you touched me because it’s forward and rude – or you’re sorry you touched me because I’m deaf and that’s gross?_ Roger signed with a quizzical expression. John’s eyes widened; he wouldn’t ever want Roger to think that was an issue – at all. He watched as Roger’s raised brow, turned into another cheeky grin. _I’m fucking with you. You need to calm down – loosen up. Have a drink; I’ll force it down you, again._ Roger signed with a breathy chuckle. John returned the chuckle and nodded before casting his eyes to the ground. He saw as Roger’s hand came closer to his own. He reached for one of John’s hands, careful not to disturb the beer between his fingers as he pulled it away. John looked up at him and watched as Roger ran his small and soft fingers over the pads of John’s fingertips. John wasn’t sure if it was his general distaste for physical interaction, or the few sips of alcohol already making him buzz, but where their fingertips collided, felt like electricity – like the thrum of his bass as it vibrated through the amp. John wondered if Roger could feel the same electricity – if this is what John’s bass playing felt like to Roger? Roger pulled away and his eyes flicked up at John, looking at him through long lashes. _Being touched doesn’t bother me – it’s a pretty common thing when you’re deaf. Did you know that for deaf people, senses of touch are connected to the same part of the brain that hearing would be? I think that’s kind of neat._ Roger chuckled, before reaching and taking a quick swig of beer. _You don’t have to apologise for trying get my attention. I’d much prefer your calloused fingers down my arm, than Freddie's pushes to the head._ John nodded and chuckled, the panic running through him dissipating while the electricity surged. Their corner of the room fell silent once again; John turned his attention to Brian and Freddie, just to stop his thoughts from running too wild. They appeared to be talking about songs, and John wondered if this was a conversation he needed to be a part of. Just as both conversations seemed to lull, the phone rang; Freddie sprung from the couch and practically ran to the phone.

“Hello; Brian and Roger’s line.” He sang, still holding his beer in one hand. “Yes- yes- well, of course. That’s fantastic! We shall see you then – no thank you!” He hung up and turned to the rest of them, and considering his bright smile never wavered, they all knew what the news was. “Are you ready, Queen?” Freddie grinned widely, opening his arms as Brian stood up to hug him. Roger followed suit and engulfed the two men as best as his small arms would allow. After a few seconds, they all broke away and looked at John who was sitting a little awkwardly on the couch. “What are you doing, dear? I said Queen – that’s mean you!” Freddie chuckled, gesturing madly with his free hand. John smiled, a little embarrassed as he stood from the couch, barely taking a step closer before being engulfed into a hug. After their hug – which John felt was far too long and intimate for him, they all settled back into their spots on the couch, quickly downing a few shots of liquor John couldn’t recognise from the back of Roger and Brian’s cupboard. They were all very and truly tipsy as midnight rolled around, John a little less so, having narrowly avoided the fourth shot that everyone else had taken. Brian and Freddie were loudly disagreeing over some sort of logistics in regards to their gig, but John felt it would be deemed frivolous come morning. Roger was stood out on the balcony, having a cigarette; John slowly made his way to the balcony door. He noticed when he reached the space that there were some battery lights amongst them; he figured it was likely so Roger could see out there when it was dark and John couldn’t help but smile. John stepped enough onto the balcony that he was in Roger’s line of vision; Roger turned to him and grinned before popping the cigarette between his lips.

 _Are they still fighting in there?_ Roger signed, causing John to nodded quickly with a small laugh. _What idiots – but… I couldn’t live without them._ Roger grinned before attending to his cigarette again. John gave him a wide smile, glancing back at the two men inside.

“They… seem like… great… friends.” John signed, speaking softly enough that Brian and Freddie couldn’t hear him. Roger nodded quickly, stubbing his cigarette out.

 _They’re amazing. I couldn’t find better ones if I tried._ The grin on Roger’s face was so genuine, that John felt his body warming from more than just the alcohol. _It’s funny… when I first met Brian, he showed so much interest in me being deaf, and he was so helpful with learning to sign, that I really thought he wanted to sleep with me._ Roger signed, glancing to John with an eye roll. John laughed quietly.

“Why’d you… think that? You didn’t think… someone could… just be nice?” John asked, feeling bad that the alcohol was making him even worse at signing that he already was – but Roger didn’t seem to notice the difference that much.

 _When someone shows that much interest in me – it’s usually a sexual thing… Always something kinky._ Roger signing, rolling his eyes again. John’s eyes widened and he looked at Roger with deep concern and confusion. Roger caught his expression and gave a soft chuckle. _I’ve had guys want to take care of me – thinking that I’m weak and I can’t stand up for myself. Or worse, thinking that they can just push me around because I won’t or can’t fight back._ Roger signed, letting out what John attributed to a small sigh.

“They were… clearly… wrong?” John chuckled, receiving a somewhat proud grin from Roger.

 _Only took a few black eyes for them to get the idea._ He smirked, clearly happy with himself. _Then there’s the opposite… the whole issue with guys not wanting to be with me because it’s some kind of freak show. They think we’ll be gawked at and made into a circus act in public – last time I checked, I don’t have deaf tattooed on my forehead._ Roger stopped to get out another cigarette. John watched him intently; glad that Roger’s intoxicated state meant he was signing slowly, because it was a lot to take in. Roger lit his cigarette and took a quick puff before offering to John. John quickly shook his head and mouthed a ‘no thanks’ that he hoped Roger caught. _It’s kind of fucked. Those dickheads are more likely to be harassed for dating me because I’m a bloke than because I’m deaf…_ John watched Roger’s hands with so much intensity; he’d never had someone open up to him like this. He wasn’t sure if it was just how Roger was, or if this was how the alcohol was making itself known. _It makes dating hard… meaningless sex is one thing – but actually finding someone who wants to be around you when the lights and clothes come back on…_ John could see the way Roger’s hand movements slowed and his eyes widened ever so slightly. _I’m so sorry. I don’t even know why I’m telling you this – we barely know each other. It’s probably all the alcohol talking._ Roger signed, an embarrassed look on his already flushed face. _Tell me about you._ John felt himself blush before training his eyes on the floor for a second; he hadn’t minded Roger’s rambling – revealing or otherwise, because at least it had meant that John didn’t have to talk about himself and bore Roger to tears. He looked up again and sighed softly.

“I’m 20… I’m from L – E – I – C – E – S – T – E – R. I play the bass and I study electr-“ He stopped when he saw the way Roger was shaking his head.

 _Yeah, I know all of that; you said that at the audition and the bar – there’s got to be more to you… Girlfriend?_ Roger questioned, eying with a brow raised. John’s eyes flicked to the floor for a moment before glancing back at Roger. _Boyfriend?_ He asked instead. John bit his lip and shook his head quickly. _Sorry; I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m not saying you look gay or anything._ Roger signed, letting out a breathy laugh.

“Oh, no; I am gay… just… no boyfriend.” John signed, a bit embarrassed to be revealing more than he’d intended to Roger.

 _Hey… don’t be embarrassed; I just gave you a monologue of my sex life. If anyone should be embarrassed – it’s me_. John couldn’t help but grin, nodded slowly. Roger had successfully smoked his next cigarette to the end and dropped it before stepping on it. John hoped that Roger wasn’t going to light another; the cold air was quickly sobering him up and he wasn’t prepared to stand in the brisk wind for much longer. Roger gestured his head back inside and John thankfully nodded, leading them in their venture back to the couch. As they sat down, it seemed Brian and Freddie were finishing up whatever conversation they’d been having.

“I’m just about done; you tired?” Brian asked, signing to Roger, who nodded in response. The three other men stood mostly in unison; John stood also, grabbing for his messenger bag. “You can stay the night, Deaky.” Brian said almost immediately. “It’s no short walk home – and you’ll be waiting a fair while for a train at this hour… plus, I can’t be arsed getting your bass out the van right now.” Brian chuckled, so which John let out a small laugh and nodded. “Fred – with Roger, with me, or on the couch?” Brian asked, turning to the smaller man who was standing aimlessly amongst them.

“I don’t care for sharing a bed with either of you.” He stated teasingly.

 _Couch it is, then._ Roger returned with an equally teasing expression. John looked between Brian and Roger, totally not comfortable sharing a bed with either of them. He considered for a moment, leaving his bass and fending through the cold to wait an hour for a train. He was pulled from his panicked state by Roger tapping him gently on the shoulder; he shot around as quickly as his slightly alcohol fogged brain would allow. _I have a spare mattress under my bed… if you don’t mind sleeping in my bedroom – or, I guess we could pull it into the living room if you’d prefer._ Roger signed; John studied his hand movements, trying to calm the unease in his stomach long enough to understand Roger. When he got the gist of his sentence, he instantly felt better; he nodded quickly.

“I don’t mind… whatever’s easiest.” John signed, a nervous grin on his face. It didn’t take long for Roger to pull the small, thin mattress from under his bed. Brian had fetched some spare linen and pillows for both him and Freddie, and had since pottered off to his own room.

 _Sorry… it’s a pretty shit mattress._ Roger signed once he’s plopped the pillows down onto it. _We can swap if you want. I’ll sleep down here and you can take my bed._ Roger offered. John quickly shook his head.

“It’s fine.” John signed quickly, sitting on the mattress of almost nothingness. Roger moved to the door, hand on the light switch.

 _Goodnight._ He signed, flashing John a wide, but slightly drunk smile.

“Goodnight.” John signed back, before Roger flicked off the light. John could hear the shuffling as Roger moved back to his bed and got in, before the room fell completely silent – save for Roger’s breathing. John thought about what the world was like for Roger in these moments; where despite everything existing around him, he was – to himself at least – in the midst of nothing. With his mind now sobered up enough to reflect on the evening, he thought about everything Roger had mentioned to him. About how he struggled to find people that liked him for who he was, rather than “what” he was – the prospect of it didn’t make John angry, but more so sad. He wanted to fix it; he wanted to hug Roger – in the way that Roger hugged him, with so much intensity that you couldn’t be upset if you tried – and tell him that he appreciated him for so much more than being deaf. Yes; John commended Roger on being an incredible drummer despite being deaf; and going to university, where he could only imagine how hard it would be. But, as the days went on, John found himself appreciating Roger for all the little things he’d been learning. For his crude jokes, or the way he teased Freddie; for the ways in which John could tell he was an absolute hot-head, but that didn’t bother John that much at all – for the cheeky grins and those winks he kept giving John… they made John feel some type of way that his twenty years of existence had not quite taught him how to process. John realised, he had spent more time in the last few days thinking about Roger, than he had about much else. Even the stress of learning new songs for Queen, and proving himself as a bass player had taken a backseat to the way he thought about the peculiar and intriguing drummer he had been rendered speechless by on that first day. With a shaky breath, John felt himself subconsciously opening his mouth in preparation to speak. “Roger… I know you can’t hear me; and that’s probably a good thing.“ John whispered. He let his eyes float shut, and he bit his lip gently. He began to toy mindlessly with the thin blanket above him. He knew Roger couldn’t hear him – for obvious reasons, and it was too dark to see anything, but he was getting worried that Roger was going to be able to feel the vibrations of his heart pounding through the bed. “I think I really, really like you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter made me a bit nervous for some reason - I don't know; it feels a bit too messy? I'd really love our feedback. All of it so far has been amazing, particularly those of you getting really into it and analysing my writing - I absolutely love interacting and getting to talk about all the nitty gritty stuff you've noticed! :) x


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Next chapter is up. Thanks for not being bothered by the double update last week. Everything will be back to normal now! So every 2-3 days?? :)
> 
> This chapter is sort of two smaller chapters put together - so let me know if you're not feeling that in the future. 
> 
> As always, I very much appreciate all the comments and analysis that y'all seem to love doing - it makes writing this fic so much more enjoyable. Please let me know what you think of this chapter, as well as anything you'd like to see in the future. :) x

John awoke to a sudden pain in his leg. He quickly sat up as the man slowly dissipated, looking around the almost pitch black room. Only a sliver of light entered the room, and through it John could only just see Roger sitting on the floor beside him in the beam of light. He felt a soft touch snake over his trouser clad calf, and had to stop himself from jerking his leg away, figuring Roger was sitting with a bit of confusion. John felt Roger’s hand leave his personal space, and barely saw as Roger scrambled up and away from the spot beside him to the door. The lights came on and John blinked several times, trying to adjust to the brightness. He glanced over at Roger who was rubbing his face haphazardly. Once Roger brought his hand down, he and John made brief eye contact for a moment before John looked away. He stared at the spot that Roger’s hand had grazed over – it was making him nervous and nauseous. Sure, John had admitted to the airspace of Roger’s bedroom that he thought he liked Roger, but the intimacy of the touch, in the dark of the blonde’s bedroom, still brought out feelings of panic. His internal crisis was swiftly interrupted by the quick flickers of the light above them; as the light turned on and off rapidly, John gazed up at Roger, who was practically staring him down as he toyed with the switch. John soon realised how his downward gaze had completely disabled Roger from telling him anything, and he felt guilt couple the nervousness that was already coursing through his body. 

“S-sorry.” John chocked out, not even thinking to sign. Judging by Roger’s unchanging expression, he hadn’t caught the statement. 

_I forgot you were staying over. I went to get out of bed… and tripped. I’m really sorry._ Roger signed, his face looking a little defeated. John couldn’t help but smile; he’d not yet seen Roger look genuinely embarrassed… or anything other than largely confident. John shot him a wide smile and waved his hand, as if to completely wave it off. _Are you hungry?_ Roger signed, his face now softening. John nodded quickly, standing as fast as his tired limbs would allow. He followed Roger as he disappeared from the doorway, making their way to the living room. 

“Good morning sleepy heads! We thought you’d jumped out the window and made a great escape! Brian was tempted to come in and check you were still breathing.” Freddie spoke lavishly, his hands moving the same way. Roger just rolled his eyes as he shouldered lightly past Freddie and towards the kitchen. “Breakfast, dear?” Freddie grinned, once again grasping John’s cheeks between his palms. John felt the discomfort rising in the back of his neck. 

“Fred; we’ve talked about this.” Brian said sternly, but with a bemused smirk on his face. Freddie huffed and flamboyantly turned himself around before moving back towards the table. John slowly floated to the closest dining chair, pulling it out and sitting hesitantly. 

“Talked about what?” John said softly, worried they were having some sort of consult about him. 

“We talked about how you’re very clearly not one for being manhandled, and Freddie… well, he loves manhandling you.” Brian chuckled; John felt him whole body unclench at Brian’s warm and steady voice. 

“Does anyone like being manhandled?” John quizzed, a small grin on his face. 

“Roger loves being manhandled, dear.” Freddie smirked, glancing at Roger as he came in with two mugs. Roger silently placed a mug in front of John and sat beside him, blissfully unaware of how Freddie was teasing him. “Probably a good thing he didn’t catch that one – that definitely would have been a fist to the arm.” Freddie chuckled. John gave Freddie a polite grin, more focused on the cup before him. He looked over to Roger with a slightly confused. 

_Don’t worry; I’m not trying to poison you._ Roger grinned. John smiled back at him, hearing a faint huff of laughter from Brian. John lifted the mug and took a small sip; it was a touch sweeter than he cared for when it came to tea – but he was smitten nonetheless. 

“Roger.” Brian said seriously, the younger man looking at his friend as if he knew he was about to be lectured, despite not being able to hear the unamused tone. “Can you please go to the university on Monday and sort everything out?” He asked, giving Roger a nagging look. Roger rolled his eyes and shook his head defiantly. Brian groaned loudly and turned back to the newspaper lain over the table in front of him. “Such a dickhead.” Brian muttered under his breath, causing Freddie to chuckle quickly. 

“Can you just go say something, Brian?” John said softly, unsure why Brian hadn’t yet, seeing how strongly he cared for Roger. 

“I’m not his parent; he’s an adult. If he wants to flunk out, that’s his problem.” Brian said quietly, before turning to Roger, who had been observing the whole exchange. “What are going to do without a degree? Hope that Queen works out?” Brian asked, seriously, but in a tone that suggested nothing but care. 

“Queen will work out, dear.” Freddie stated plainly, arms crossed over his chest. 

“But…” Brian continued, barely letting Freddie finish his sentence. “What if it doesn’t? No degree; no band. What’s the plan then, Roger?” Brian asked; Roger wore a face that suggested he’d heard this lecture many times before, but John couldn’t help but feel this conversation was far too intimately serious for him to be listening. 

_We can get to that when we get to that, okay?_ Roger signed almost triumphantly, looking very proud of himself as he crossed his arms over his chest. An uncomfortable silence fell over the table, all four men going about their breakfast with as little noise as possible. John wondered whether Roger could feel the awkwardness, despite not being able to appreciate the awkward silence itself. After a few minutes, John cleared his throat, glancing at Roger until the two made eye contact. 

“What about a J – O – B? If you didn’t want to… stay at… university, at least you would have something to do when we’re not… rehearsing. I do little J – O – B – S around a M – E – C – H – A – N – I – C – S nearby… I could talk to them.” John offered, really wanting to break the tension that was rife in the room. He watched as Roger’s gaze flicked from John to Brian; they exchanged a look that John couldn’t quite define, before Brian’s eyes flicked to John, his expression a little hopeless-looking.

“That umm… that’s really sweet, John. But, it’s not really the easiest thing for Roger to get a job. Nowhere is particularly accommodating.” He spoke and signed a little sadly. John glanced at Roger who had averted his gaze from John, almost as if he was annoyed. John felt bad for bringing it up, seeing as it had done absolutely nothing to clear the awkward tension. John wanted desperately for someone to say something so that he could release the breath he was holding, but the table was silent, save for the way Freddie’s spoon scraped his cereal bowl. 

Brian let out a loud sigh, causing John to look up; he could almost feel the pent up anxiety coming out of his ears as Brian opened his mouth to speak. “It’s… it’s a bit of a sore spot.” Brian admitted, looking at Roger, who still had not raised his eyes from his lap. “Roger has tried to get a job before, because rent in the area is just… climbing – it doesn’t quite work out. I work at the bakery down the street, but it doesn’t always cover it.” Brian spoke with delicateness, but confidence. “Roger can get some government assistance, but he’s a bit too proud… but, I get it.” Brian whispered, turning his attention to Roger. John watched as his hand reached across the table to gently grip Roger’s forearm. “I’m not sure I’d do any different in that situation.” Brian’s thumb ran gently over Roger’s wrist. Roger finally lifted his gaze as Brian shot him a sweet grin before playfully poking his tongue out at him. Roger let out a small chuckle, looking at Brian with the sweetest smile. John watched the two of them in awe; he found himself for a moment questioning why exactly Brian and Roger weren’t together. They seemed like an absolute dream couple, and he’d never heard Brian actually specify why he and Roger hadn’t gone further. They seemed – in that moment especially – to be smitten with each other. Something in John felt a little uneasy for moment, until Roger’s gaze shifted from Brian to John. 

_Thanks, John; I really appreciate you wanting to help – but, I guess I’m a loss cause._ Roger signed, his face content enough to calm John a little. 

“You’re not a lost cause, my dear!” Freddie exclaimed, loud enough to startle the other three – and also enough to severely lighten the mood. “I’m not sure what all this fuss is about; Queen is going to work out – no need for backup plans, or jobs, or degrees. Trust me.” Freddie carried on, his arms as dramatic as his voice. John couldn’t help but laugh; he appreciated the way Freddie was capable of breaking the tension, whilst still having a level of respect for the situation – something John wasn’t sure he was quite capable of doing yet. He turned to the other members of the table, who both seemed content enough with Freddie’s comments. The short silence that fell over them was a much more comfortable one; aided by the fact Brian had now moved from the table, to put his mug and Freddie’s bowl in the kitchen. John watched the way Roger observed the happenings around him; John still felt terrible for bringing up so much trouble with people he barely knew. He carefully moved his hand from beside him on the table to where Roger’s rested. He felt his own fingers practically crawl on top of the smaller hand, trying to repeatedly tell himself what Roger had told him about how it more than okay to touch him to get his attention. His heart fluttered harder as Roger’s fingers twitched against John’s, blue eyes meeting green.

“Everything’s going to work out.” John whispered, hoping his clear movements were enough for Roger to lip read. He watched as Roger sported another cheeky grin – but this time, with a very genuine hint of gratefulness.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was a little after lunch time when Brian had sent Roger off to go get milk and bread; he had sent Freddie with him, saying something about it not ending well last time. So, that had left Brian and John in the flat together, which was creating a lot of impending panic in John after the morning’s events. However, as soon as the two men left, Brian had suggested getting their guitars and working on the set-list for the following Saturday. That had eased John’s worries for a bit; until, in the midst of their practising, with the tension and guilt absolutely tearing John apart that he had to stop playing for a minute, and just man up and apologise to Brian.

“Brian…” He practically whispered, pulling the older man away from his guitar line. “I just wanted to apologise for this morning. I shouldn’t have been prying like that; I guess my mouth was just working faster than my brain, because all of the awkward silence was freaking me out, and I thought I could make it better, but then I made it worse – and I would hate for you guys to hate me or anything. Because, I swear I’m not trying to hurt Roger’s feelings or anything – I think he’s such a great guy and it sucks that he can’t get a job and that university is hard for him, and I-…” John rambled, only stopping once Brian’s hand waved haphazardly in front of him. 

“John, calm down!” Brian chuckled, placing a supportive hand on John’s knee, where their long legs were nearly touching. “You don’t have to apologise for anything.” He assured. “First of all, you weren’t prying; you were just curious – and that’s fine. You’d be surprised how unabashed Roger is – partially because he’s a bit overconfident – but a lot of that comes from being deaf. He doesn’t have the means to use tone and inferences to figure out what’s going on or what someone means – so, sometimes he asks very shameless questions; and in that way, he’s not going to mind you asking similar ones. So, asking about Roger getting a job wasn’t rude or prying – it was actually really helpful in getting you up to speed.” Brian explained, a wide grin on his face. John felt himself deflate, like there was so much panicked energy building up inside him that if he hadn’t he would have popped. “And, while we’re on the topic…” Brian continued. “They’re not awkward silences… not to us anyway.” Brian chuckled; John simply shot him a confused look – because to him, they most certainly were. “Roger doesn’t do ‘awkward silences’; every day of his life has been silent… he doesn’t know the difference. It works wonders, really. If Roger doesn’t feel awkward about whatever is happening – then you don’t have to either.” Brian stated simply. “Saves a lot of worry… which I can tell you do a lot.” He smirked, giving John’s knee a squeeze. John sat with it all for a moment; he felt exponentially better – and also like he’d been given a free pass to be nosey. 

“In that case…” John began. “I’d like to continue to pry.” He stated, a cheeky smirk on his face. Brian gave him a small chuckle and nodded. “Why aren’t you and Roger together?” John asked quietly; he noticed the way Brian’s brows furrowed and his eyes widened. “You’re so perfect for each other… and you look at each other like you’re in love.” He muttered, hoping to not offend Brian, who after a momentary silence, let out a hearty laugh. 

“We’re not in love!” Brian chuckled. “We love each other – definitely… but we’re most certainly not in love with each other.” He said calmly, looking at John who was still a little confused. “Rog and I could probably date and everything would be fine… But, we’re also perfect friends… why ruin that?” Brian questioned seriously. “I am also not attracted to Roger like… that.” Brian chuckled. John brows knitted together a little harder, trying to follow along. “I would not have sex with Roger.” Brian clarified. John’s eyes widened at the mention and nodded quickly. “And while we’re on the topic of that idiot…” Brian smirked. “You and Roger appear to have hit it off quite nicely.” John’s eyes Brian cautiously, now panicking that the walls had not been thick enough to keep his little secret expelled in the dark. 

“W-what do you mean?” John stuttered, causing Brian to laugh sweetly at him. 

“You guys have come a long way in the last week – you’re doing such a good job. I’m proud of you.” Brian grinned; John expelled so much air in one long exhale, he was worried Brian was going to think he was hyperventilating. 

“Oh, yeah. I think we’re doing pretty well. It’s really not that hard.” John said softly, looking at where his hands sat on his bass. “I still have a lot to learn.” He added. 

“There’s always more to learn. You think I know everything about being deaf?” Brian chuckled. 

“It seems like it.” John said softly, a small smile creeping across his face. Brian huffed a laugh and shook his head quickly. 

“Absolutely not.” Brian chuckled. “Not even six months ago, Roger and I had this conversation after I asked him not to flush the toilet at 4 in the morning; and he thought I meant he couldn’t use the toilet overnight – and I’m like ‘no, just don’t flush’, and he goes ‘why?’ and I was like ‘because my room is right next to the bathroom and it’s too loud’, and I shit you not, he goes ‘it makes noise?’, like it was the most shocking thing he’d ever heard.” Brian explained, both of the men laughing hysterically by the time Brian had finished the story. 

While they were both coming down from their laughter, the door swung open and Freddie and Roger re-entered the flat. Roger placed the groceries on the kitchen counter and made his way to the couch, nestling himself beside Brian. 

_What are you laughing about?_ He quizzed, looking at both of them as Freddie arrived to sit on the love seat. 

“I told John about how you didn’t know flushing made noise.” Brian signed, chuckling also. Roger rolled his eyes and signed what John recognised as ‘fuck off’. Roger went to move from his spot beside Brian, but the taller man gripped his shoulder tightly, pulling him back down. Roger relented and grabbed the guitar from his lap, leaning it against the side of the couch before nuzzling into Brian’s side, his body still turned to face the group though. Roger was leaning far enough over Brian that he was easily able to reach to the other half of the couch and gently tap John’s knee. John looked over to him with a keen grin. 

_Where do you go to school?_ Roger signed, his arms a little contorted by the way he was now lounging across Brian. 

“Uhh… C – H – E – L – S – E – A C – O – L – L – E – G – E.” He signed, watching how both Roger and Brian’s gazes worked to put together the letters in their heads. Roger eventually nodded his head and let the room fall silent for a short while. John had to remind himself to not get worked up in the seemingly ‘awkward’ silence, and he could tell by the way Brian’s gaze occasionally flicked to him, that the older man was trying to remind him of such. 

_What time do you finish on Tuesday?_ Roger continued, breaking the ‘silence’. 

“I don’t have uni on T – U – E – S – D – A – Y – S.” John replied, feeling a little embarrassed by the way Roger kindly let him finish spelling the sentence that Roger likely knew the ending to. 

_I finish at 1. Do you want to meet up and grab some lunch before rehearsals?_ Roger asked, giving John a confident smile. John felt a smile spread across his own face. 

“I’d love to Roger.” He said sweetly, a bit too excited at the prospect to remember to sign, but it appeared that Roger had understood, based on the way gave a short nod and sat back up to lean into and have a conversation with Brian. John could feel that his cheeks were not cooling down; but, he didn’t mind too much, eyes fixated on the spot Roger had been laying. Upon realising the spot his gaze was stuck on was dangerously close to Brian’s nether-regions; he ripped his glance away, his eyes accidentally falling on Freddie, whose smirk was so wicked it made John buzz with tingly nerves. He wanted to look away, but he couldn’t – not until Freddie’s eyes darted from John to Roger and back again, before shooting John a discernible wink.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is even longer than normal so let me know if it's too much! 
> 
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos and analysis of my writing. It honestly means so much that you guys are as into this as I am. 
> 
> This chapter is a bit more progressive in terms of the plot line - but it's still got plenty of the 'educational fluff', so let me know what you think of where it's headed :) x

John was sat waiting on a bench outside the room at Imperial that Roger had instructed John to wait at. Whilst he wouldn’t admit it to Roger, he had been waiting since 12:30. He had panicked earlier that day about whether he could find the room, and left with almost an hour to spare to ensure he wasn’t late. He had forgotten to bring his watch, so he wasn’t entirely sure how much longer Roger would be, but judging by the way students started to filter out of the other rooms nearby, he figured it must be closely approaching 1 o’clock. Only a few moments later, many students came rushing out of the room, moving quickly either to get to their next class, or desperate to go home. John stayed seated as they filed out, waiting until he saw Roger shuffle out to stand up. He began walking to meet him, when he was stopped by the squawk of the older man’s name. 

“Mr Taylor! Mr Taylor!” The woman’s voice became increasingly louder until he saw her come almost running out the door. John watched as she placed a heavy hand on Roger’s shoulder and he quickly spun around, having not yet seen John. “Mr Taylor!” She repeated loudly. “It is one thing to be failing my class without seemingly trying at all – but to not even show someone the respect of acknowledging them when they’re speaking to you!” She yelled; John didn’t know if Roger could understand what she was saying, but he felt himself crawling instinctually closer to the pair. “After today’s incident, you’re lucky I don’t report your behaviour to the headmistress. With your grades, that’d see you skating on thin ice, Mr Taylor.” The woman snapped. 

“Incident?” John questioned almost subconsciously; it wasn’t until the woman’s head had snapped towards him, that he hadn’t been fully aware that he was speaking out loud. The sudden movement made Roger turn also, the fed up expression on his face softening considerably when he locked eyes with Joe. 

“I’m sorry, who are you?” The woman, practically spat, managing to look down on John despite the opposing height difference. 

“My name is John Deacon, ma’am. I’m friends with Roger.” John responded, as politely and confidently as he could muster. 

“Well…” The woman said, glancing unfavourably between the two men. “You can tell your friend that if he doesn’t get his act together, he’s going to be a university drop out.” She quipped, her brows raised at John. John felt his hands clam up. 

“You can tell him, ma’am.” John stated quietly, his voice almost too small to hear. 

“Excuse me?” The woman said much louder than John. 

“I said… you can tell him.” John said a little louder, feeling like he was using an entire lifetime’s supply of bravery to answer back to the woman, in a way his mother would have scolded him greatly for. “He’s not incapable. If you speak calmly enough he can read your lips and understand you. You just need to calm down a little.” John said, feeling his confidence peter out the longer he spoke. John felt himself retract into himself as the woman eyed him up and down. 

“The fact that Mr Taylor has not completed a single assessment this semester has nothing to do with whether I am being nice enough. There are plenty of facilities for his kind; he chose to come to a mainstream institution – it is not part of my job to cater to his needs. Not by any means, Mr Deacon. I suggest you – and your friend – grow up. Life will not gratify or pander; that’s a lesson you young people need to get your heads around.” She said calmly, but with poison in her voice. She stared them down for a short moment before turning on her heels and walking away. John was left standing in a state of confusion; on one hand, he had been completely shut down – but, on the other, he had never spoken out to someone like that; especially not a professor. It wasn’t until he felt his arm being jerked away from his body that his gaze shifted to the source. He saw as Roger pulled at him slightly, holding his hand as he did so. The pure overwhelm John was experiencing from far more stimuli than he was used to, was enough to have him stumbling over his feet as Roger pulled him away. Roger only pulled them a short distance away, stopping by the bench John had been sitting at just minutes earlier. John felt their hands separate before Roger ran his hands over his face, clearly frustrated. John waited awkwardly for Roger to move his hands and look at John; thankfully there was no one around, because the idea of being gawked at made John’s stomach do flips. Eventually Roger pulled his hands away from his face and looked at John. 

“Are you okay?” John said and signed carefully. Roger just rolled his eyes and began walking away from him; John’s eyes widened and he quickly marched after him. “Roger!” He called, before quite literally stopping his pace to mentally tell himself how stupid he was. He groaned as Roger continued walking, seemingly faster as he went on. John walked quickly to catch up with him, his longs doing wonders in matching Roger’s short but quick scurry. When he was close enough he reached forward to gently grip Roger’s shoulder. Roger flicked around and John could see the way his eyes were damp, but he looked so enraged that John wasn’t sure if the tears were out of anger or sadness. “Do you need a hug?” John asked quietly, looking at Roger as his lips unclenched a little. The small nod Roger gave was enough to dissolve all of John’s anxieties about physical closeness in that moment. He opened his arms as Roger stepped neatly into them. John felt his heart rate spike as his arms wrapped around Roger; he smelt so good and his hair was so nice and soft, and the whole experience was a little overwhelming to John that he found himself subconsciously running a light touch over the ends of it. It wasn’t long before Roger pulled away. 

_Are you okay?_ He signed, a look of concern on his face. John’s returning, wide-eyed and confused. 

“Yeah. Why?” John said quietly, forgetting to sign for Roger. 

_I can feel your heart beating really fast_ Roger signed, his head tilting as he observed John. John could feel his cheeks warming. 

“I-umm…” John began, but quickly stopped when Roger reached down and grabbing his hands, raising them so they were sitting in between the two bodies. He pulled away. 

_I know it’s annoying, but I really can’t lip read well enough to understand you. Can you please?_ Roger signed, eyeing John a little desperately. John’s face immediately fell into a frown. 

“It’s not…” He signed, stopping to gather his now panicked thoughts. “It’s not annoying… I’m sorry that I made you think that. I just get really N – E – R – V – O – U – S and I… it’s like I F – O – R – G – E – T to use my hands. I’m sorry.” John admitted, hoping Roger wouldn’t be upset with him. Roger had a small grin on his face. 

_You worry too much…_ Roger smirked, rolling his eyes. _Come on._ He gestured, beginning to walk away from the vicinity; John moved to walk alongside him. The walk to the café was relatively silent, mostly because they were both facing the same direction, making it difficult to sign. John ended up not minding it so much; he let himself focus on keeping up with Roger who, despite his short stature, was surprisingly speedy. When they did finally reach the café, Roger and John sat at a vacant table and began looking at the menu. After a short while, John felt a gentle tug at his sleeve and his eyes flicked from the menu to wear Roger was hovering over his wrist. 

_Would you mind ordering for me? I don’t really like pointing at the menu – it’s rude._ Roger signed; John could feel his smile subconsciously widening as he nodded quickly. 

“Of course; what did you want?” John asked, leaning over slightly to look at the menu in front of Roger, despite having one of his own. 

_I think I’ll get the soup._ Roger said simply. John nodded and took the menus up to the counter to order, getting himself a sandwich. He returned to the table and sat across from Roger, trying to inconspicuously eye him for a moment. When they finally did make eye contact, John figured it would be a good idea to speak up. 

“Roger.” He began, glad Roger wouldn’t be able to tell how shaky his voice was. “Will you tell me about U – N – I?” He signed, his hands clammy from nerves. He saw the way Roger’s face changed and immediately felt bad for questioning, but knew he wanted to – and had to – press on. “It obviously causes you a lot of trouble.” He signed slowly. “I just want to know so I can U – N – D – E – R – S – T – A – N – D. I want to help… if you’ll let me.” John signed, looking at Roger nervously afterwards. There was a split second of nothingness, in which both men just stared awkwardly at each other; but shortly after, Roger brought his hands out from underneath the table to respond. “Please go slow.” John signed, as quick as he was capable. “My brain doesn’t work as fast as yours.” Roger gave him a content smile. 

_I’m shit at lip reading and you’re shit at sign language – match made in heaven._ Roger signed with a chuckle. John gave a grin back, but was now panicking that Roger thought he was bad at sign language. _Relax… you’re not shit. I promise._ Roger placed a gentle hand on top of John’s and squeezed gently. _You’ve got to calm down, mate. You always seemed so freaked out. Stop worrying and just breathe._ Roger signed quickly, the calm smile never fading from his face. John could feel the flutter in his chest as he came to terms with what Roger had said. 

“You’re really S – W – E – E – T.” John signed slowly. “Now can we talk about U – N – I?” He asked, looking down at the short man sitting before him. Roger rolled his eyes.

 _Damn; I thought I’d distracted you._ Roger smirked; John rolled his eyes and stared Roger down with the tiniest hit of sass in his gaze. Roger sounded a small groan, and John was surprised by how… normal it sounded. He felt bad for thinking it, but he hadn’t expected such a typical groan to come from Roger’s lips. It wasn’t until Roger’s hands started to formulate signs that he snapped from his inappropriate thought processes. _I do like what I study._ Roger signed slowly – John was thankful of that. _I started in dentistry, but it just wasn’t for me – and the outcomes a bit too vocal, unfortunately._ He smirked at John, who was watching intently. _I transferred to biology at the beginning of this year; I thought that maybe because it’s biology – it’s about the body and whatever – that maybe being deaf wouldn’t leave the professors too out of sorts… but, they’re all so far up their own asses. I tried to tell them – I wrote it down and was polite and everything – which is not my strong suit. All I asked was that they could give me the content in a written form, or with visual aids or something. It’s not like they don’t have their lecture notes sitting in front of them._ Roger rolled his eyes, pausing; John could see he was getting annoyed. It was at this point that the waitress brought over their food; John thanked her and Roger gave a polite nod and smile. _It’s just frustrating because it’s a constant reminder that being deaf automatically makes me an idiot._ He signed, causing John’s face to scrunch up. 

“You’re not an idiot, Roger.” John stated simply. “I know you’re smart. You speak two languages… that’s impressive. I can barely speak one.” John signed defiantly, receiving only an eye roll from Roger. 

_Brian knows two languages; Freddie knows three. It’s not that impressive._ Roger rebutted, giving John a look of frustration. 

“You play drums you can’t even hear, Roger!” John said loudly, causing a few heads to turn and look at them. John did his best to ignore them as he felt his skin burn. “You are the most I – N – T – E – R – E – S – T – I – N – G person I’ve ever met, and I have learnt more in the last week of knowing you than I think I’ve learnt in my entire life – and that’s so C – O – O – L.” John chuckled, feeling himself getting really enthusiastically into his signing – he felt like Freddie. He saw as Roger’s tight knitted eyebrows relax a little as he watched John. 

_You’re a bit cute… you know that?_ Roger signed, John felt his heart stop in his chest. _People are going to eat you up at gigs – guys and girls… you’re going to have a boyfriend before you know it._ Roger smirked, it only becoming more prevalent as a deep blush spread over John’s entire face. There was a moment of sweet nothing; John was looking at Roger despite how loudly he was internally screaming. Roger shot him a quick grin. _Can we stop talking and eat? I’m starving._ Roger signed, a comical look on his face. John nodded quickly, smiling back. As he ate, John had to tell himself to take a damn second and calm down – Roger had said he would have a boyfriend in no time; that didn’t mean he was interested in him – it meant quite the opposite in fact. But, John couldn’t manage to cease the alarms in his brain at the fact that Roger had undoubtedly called him cute. They ate in silence for a little while until they were both mostly finished. Roger wiped his face and looked up at John, who had been sneaking little glances at him frequently throughout the meal. _What do you want to do after university?_ Roger questioned, before resting his chin on his hands. John wiped his hands on the napkin and looked at Roger for a moment, a bit blank faced. 

“I guess I’ll be an E – N – G – I – N – E – E – R.” John signed simply; he had never thought of doing much else. Roger frowned a little at him.

 _But what about music? What about being a rock star?_ Roger questioned, his face contorted with confusion. John gave him a soft smile and shook his head slightly. 

“I’m not a rock star. I love making music… but I’m definitely no rock star.” John clarified, only to be met with bewilderment from Roger. 

_Are you joking? I just told you how much everyone is going to love you. You are most definitely a rock star. You’re crazy if you think otherwise._ Roger signed; the certainty on his face almost had John believing him. 

“But… I’m so A – W – K – W – A – R – D.” John signed, a look of discomfort on his face. 

_And I just told you that you’re cute. The awkwardness is more than endearing. It makes you real and relatable. I think it’s why people are drawn to you._ Roger admitted, John’s face softening slightly once he got the gist of what Roger had said. _Despite how uncomfortable you constantly seem to be… you make people comfortable. I feel like you really calm me down._ Roger said, before chuckling slightly. John felt his face heat up like before; the space between them fell even more silent than when John had been having what seemed to everyone else a one-sided conversation. As hard as John tried to remind himself about the whole ‘awkward silence’ thing, he felt so uncomfortable that he just had to say something. 

“Roger; you’ve been deaf your whole life, right?” John asked; Roger tilted his head slightly to the side with a somewhat amused expression. 

_Yes. Why do you ask?_ He returned. John shifted a little in his seat. 

“This is probably really I – N – S – E – N – S – I – T – I – V – E, but I feel like everything I ask you or B – R – I – A – N is rude so… I don’t know. You can tell me if I’m being an A – S – S – H – O – L – E. But, is there anything good about being deaf? Like, if you could hear tomorrow, would you?” John asked, looking at Roger nervously, in case he’d offended him. Roger had such a sweet smile on his face that John wasn’t even sure if he’d been listening. 

_The best part about being deaf is this…_ Roger began, chuckling when he saw the confusion on John’s face. _When people like you… and like Brian and Freddie… actually take the time to have a conversation with me. If someone is genuinely making an effort to communicate with me – whether it’s working or not – I know they actually care about what I have to say; they’re invested. It’s not easy – I know that having a conversation with me is usually more hassle than it’s worth. So, I appreciate that you’ve tried so hard._ Roger signed, looking at John with a cheeky smile. _That’s the best part – knowing exactly where you stand with people._ John couldn’t help but smile at how genuinely content Roger looked talking about it. _Plus… I’ve been deaf my whole life. There’s something about being able to hear… that extra stimulus that’s actually kind of scary when I think about it. Sometimes it’s a bit crap – but I’m quite content living in my own little world._ Roger signed; John nodded along, definitely seeing where Roger was coming from. Another silence fell over the table, but this time, John didn’t mind.

~~~~~~~~

When John and Roger had arrived at the auditorium - way too early, to add - there was another group using it, so they sat outside and talked for a bit. It wasn’t much more than small talk - mostly due to the communication barriers that were still making themselves known, but also because Roger looked absolutely exhausted, and really did not want to keep having a mental game of a conversation. So, they both sat on the grassy area, legs crossed and people watching. A little closer to 4 o’clock, Brian arrived, car keys in his hand.

“Rog. Can you give me a hand moving everything out of the van?” He asked, to which Roger nodded and pushed himself off of the floor to follow Brian to the van parked nearby. John sat quietly on his own; he didn’t mind it too much at all. He’d spent the whole day so worked up about talking with Roger - not even because of the whole deaf thing, but because he’d been so concerned with whether or not Roger liked him back. The silence was a little blissful and gave him reasonable time to calm down. After about five minutes, John was joined by Freddie, who practically danced over to him with the most concerning of grins. John looked at him worriedly as he sat down. 

“Darling.” Freddie he smirked widely as he raised his hand to place them on his cheeks, before seeming to remember what Brian had told him. He hesitated; John could see the devilish grin on Freddie’s face and he knew exactly what conversation he was about to be subjected to. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a touch relieved; everything was getting so built up inside that he thought he was going to explode. As embarrassing as it was, Queen were easily John’s closest friends, despite the short week they’d known each other, but he certainly couldn’t talk to Roger about what was going on - and for some reason, talking to Brian felt wrong. It felt like he would be betraying Brian’s trust; that Brian might take him liking Roger in the wrong way - and despite all the arguing he’d seen them do, he figured that Roger probably valued Brian’s opinion enough to not mind when he said that John had to go. But, Freddie; he seemed as if he was fair game - and furthermore, that he most definitely wanted to talk about it. So, with a small smile, John eyed him up and down. 

“Go on.” John chuckled, rolling his eyes slightly. Freddie gripped his face tightly. 

“Someone has a crush!” He sung, shaking the head between his hands. John quickly jerked away, panic in his eyes. 

“Shush.” John said quickly, balling his hands up in front of him as if to stop the pure fear from shooting out of his hands like he was some kind of super villain. 

“Or what? Roger might hear you?” Freddie smirked, clearly teasing. 

“No; obviously! I just don’t want Brian to hear.” John admitted, becoming quieter and more refrained as his sentence went on. Freddie responded with a loud huff of a laugh. 

“Are you quite serious, dear? Brian is the one that informed me that you haven’t stopped asking him questions about Roger since you stepped foot through that auditorium door.” He said, matter-of-factly. 

“That doesn’t mean he knows that I like him.” John mumbled, barely wanting to look Freddie in the eyes. Freddie rolled his eyes and placed a digit under John’s finger to lift his gaze. 

“I believe his exact words were: ‘I think John’s got a thing for Roger - I like it.’” Freddie said, changing his voice to imitate Brian. John could feel his cheeks burning red hot. 

“Well…” John began. “That doesn’t mean Roger likes me back…” John muttered, looking at his lap, trying not to let himself get too overwhelmed at the idea of Roger deflecting John’s feelings

“Well, let’s find out. Roger!” Freddie called. John scrambled to grab Freddie’s shoulder, letting out some loud noise that was a mix of ‘no’ and just undecidable panic. It wasn’t until Freddie turned to him with a look of confusion, mixed with the same cheeky grin he was wearing before that John realised what an idiot he was. John used his grip on Freddie’s shoulders to gently shove the man. 

“You’re a dick.” John muttered, moving to lean back on his hands. Freddie simply shrugged and blew John a kiss. John rolled his eyes and lowered himself so that he was laying on his back. 

“Maybe I should threaten your little secret more often - I feel like I’m getting a glimpse at the real Deaky.” Freddie teased, glancing over at him. John looked at him confused. 

“What do you mean, Freddie?” John mumbled. 

“You’re not as jumpy and freaked as usual; you seem relaxed and a bit careless - you just called me a dickhead.” Freddie chuckled, causing John to roll his eyes again. “Keep rolling your eyes like that and you’re going to go blind - and then how on earth and you going to communicate with your boyfriend.” Freddie smirked, shoving John lightly on the side. 

“He’s not my boyfriend” John snapped. “You’re being a child – this is how twelve year olds talk.” John muttered, eyeing Freddie with a raised brow. Freddie huffed softly, looking annoyed, but not genuinely. 

“Guys; we’re ready if you want to finish up the mother’s meeting!” Brian called from the entryway to the auditorium. John stood up and quickly made his way inside, Freddie following leisurely behind him. 

“Please don’t say anything, Freddie.” They’d reached the auditorium before Freddie could respond, but judging by the professionalism that fell over him once they were all inside; John figured Freddie was more concerned with the music than playing matchmaker. 

They played through their set list about a dozen times before Freddie deemed it good enough for a break. 

“Explain to me again why we’ve been going over a 20 minute set for the last 4 hours, Fred?” Brian asked, as he set his guitar down to grab a drink of water

“For perfection, my dear.” Freddie replied, with such finality that no one seemed to question it. He turned to his own water and caught eyes with Roger – the same Roger that John had been stealing more and more glances at as their set list dragged on. 

_Can I tell you my news now, Fred?_ Roger asked, standing up from his kit and moving closer to where they were all standing. Freddie nodded quickly, taking a seat to watch and listen to Roger. _You remember that deaf guy you met at the bar a couple weeks ago… you told him about me… well we ran into each other when I was on my way to uni yesterday and he invited me out for lunch on Friday._ Roger signed to Freddie, but John and Brian were both watching. Roger seemed genuinely excited, and John felt his chest get a little heavier. 

“That’s fantastic, dear.” Freddie returned, but John could hear the awkwardness in his voice – which was really saying something when it came to Freddie. Freddie shot John a slight glance, and in that moment, John was glad that Roger couldn’t grasp awkward silences.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all said you were into the longer chapters so I did my best to deliver! Please see the end of the chapter notes for some important info (it's not exactly info; I just don't know what else to call it).

They were on their way up to Cambridge for their gig; it was about an hour and a half drive. John wouldn’t have minded at all, had it not been for the fact that Roger had spent the entirety of the trip thus far talking about his date the night before. 

_Fred; I can hardly describe how amazing he is - and I’m no sap._ Roger signed excitedly. _Thank you for setting it up._ He added, causing Freddie to shoot an almost unnoticeable glance of apology at John. Freddie had already said he was sorry to John about a million times since Tuesday, explaining how he’d mentioned it months before John ever came into their lives and had thought it was long forgotten by now. John wasn’t mad at Freddie - he wasn’t mad at anyone. He did feel pretty crap as he watched Roger gush about his new man - but he wasn’t mad. In fact, there was the tiniest part of him - the part of him that had learnt from his mother to never be selfish – that was happy for Roger. Roger had divulged to John his struggles with dating; and it appeared he’d found someone that could absolve him of those struggles - far better than John ever could. _He said he was going to come watch tonight._ Roger beamed. That’s when John felt his face sour. He didn’t mean to; he quite literally couldn’t hide how overtly annoyed he was. Not at Roger - or the guy - or anyone… just at the situation, and how he knew he was too much of a coward to do anything about it. It wasn’t until Freddie leaned nearer to him that he realised how rude his expression likely looked. 

“You’ll be stuck like that if the wind changes - he’s deaf, not blind.” Freddie murmured quietly into John’s ear, not that it really mattered to Roger. John let out a small sigh as he made a conscious effort to relax his face. Freddie glanced back at Roger, who appeared as if he’d been waiting for them to finish their exchange. Freddie gave him a confident nod, as if permitting him to continue. 

_It’s the easiest conversation I’ve ever had, and we just get each other - because we know all the same things. He’s studying accounting and we talked about uni and professors and, just-_ Roger stopped and leaned forward to tap John’s knee; he had since looked away, not wanting to hear about the guy that was so clearly perfect for Roger. _Are you listening?_ Roger signed, almost pleading with excitement for John to listen to him. John nodded reluctantly, watching Roger as he felt Freddie gently squeeze his knee. _Almost his entire family is deaf; how cool would that be? He got taught sign language as a baby and his whole family speak it._ Roger signed gleefully. John honestly thought he could see the hearts in Roger’s eyes as he gushed about this guy. _He said I could meet them the next time he went back home to Glasgow. I don’t think I’ve met that many deaf people in my whole life - let alone at once._ John couldn’t help but be happy for Roger; a whole life being the only person like you, and then suddenly there's this plethora of people who just get you - of course Roger was ecstatic. As crappy as it made John feel, he was never going to be that for Roger. 

“That sounds really cool, Roger; I can’t wait to meet him.” John said softly, signing with very little intent. It was a bold-faced lie; but, John had always been taught to be polite - and it clearly meant a lot to Roger. 

_I think you guys will really like each other. You’re very similar._ Roger signed decidedly. John gave him the saddest excuse for a smile before looking away. 

“Good thing pubs have alcohol, right?” Freddie murmured to John. John wasn’t a drinker, but at that point, Freddie’s proposal sounded great. 

“How much longer?” John called to Brian, who was wildly removed from what was going on as the only one not in the back of the van. 

“Only about 15 minutes left go.” Those 15 minutes remained plastered full of Roger gushing about his date, John trying not to cry, and Freddie doing the most to keep them both from being sick with respective happiness and dread. When they arrived at the venue, they were greeted by the owner and John was glad to be able to focus on something other than the knots in his stomach. He’d had crushes before, obviously - he’d had boyfriends. But, there was something about how he’d felt so close to everything going right and that he and Roger were meant for each other, only to be proven wholly wrong by the universe because Roger had found the exact person who he was meant for. 

They went about bringing in all their equipment and setting up so they could do a sound check. The atmosphere amongst the four was growing increasingly stranger. John was doing his best - but failing - not to look miserable; Roger was more childlike and smitten than it seemed even Brian had ever seen him; Freddie was trying to keep everything running smoothly - for both the gig and his friends; and Brian remained largely oblivious to the tension. 

Once the stage got further set up, and it got a little closer to the time of their performance - and they had sound checked, they decided it was reasonable to sit down for a bit before the pub started packing in with the night crowd. They all sat up at the bar, Freddie telling Brian about how his guitar solo should go. John stared mindlessly at the bar top; he wasn’t sure he could stomach a conversation with Roger, especially considering how he’d probably want to talk about his date some more. It wasn’t until he spotted movement out the corner of his eye that he decided to turn around. There he was - tall and muscly, and undeniably attractive - and John had never felt emotionally smaller in his life. 

_Guys, this is Peter. Freddie; Brian; John._ Roger signed, gesturing to the boys. They all uttered casual hellos and waved, Peter waving back. 

“Nice to meet you, dear; we’ve heard so much about you.” Freddie signed, before standing to shake Peter’s hand. 

_Likewise; Roger really likes talking about you all._ Peter signed, shouldering Roger gently to tease him. Roger rolled his eyes as he looked up - almost too adoringly for John - at Peter. John tried his best to tune them out as the bartender spoke up. 

“Can I get you lads anything?” There was barely a beat of silence before John replied. 

“Yes; anything.” The bartender just chuckled as he poured John a beer. It seemed that Brian had been alerted to John’s almost manic tone, because he quickly moved his attention from where Freddie was practically interrogating Peter, to look at John, who was now drinking a beer faster than what Brian has thought possible of the younger man. John had never been much of a drinker – even when he turned 18 and could do so liberally. So, as he was almost frantically trying to inhale the beer he’d been served, it was burning his throat and making his eyes water. But, he’d seen many people drink in times of crisis – and this seemed fitting as John’s. 

“You right, mate? We haven’t even performed yet. You might want to slow down.” Brian said softly. John looked at him and instantly felt guilty for being such a head case. 

“Sorry.” John mumbled. “I guess I’m just nervous.” John lied, hoping Brian would just leave it alone. 

“Freddie told me what happened.” Brian said, almost cautiously. John let out a loud sigh, glad that the offending parties couldn’t hear it. 

“Blabber mouth.” He groaned, causing Brian to chuckle. 

“It’s alright, John. It sucks – that’s for sure; but there’s no point giving yourself alcohol poisoning over it.” Brian grinned, clearly trying to lighten the mood. He reached over and grabbed the half empty glass in front of John and moved it to the other side of him. John chuckled sadly, now a bit embarrassed by the display he’d just put on. 

“I’m sorry – I’m acting like such a brat.” John muttered, really feeling bad for acting like a right asshole at his first gig with the band. “I guess I just let it get to me.” He sighed. 

“It’s fine. I know you don’t want to hear it, but I did think you guys were great for each other. But, you can’t deny that Roger is happy. I’m not going to shit on that – he’s found someone that understands him better than we ever will. I can sit here and claim to know a lot about Roger; but at the end of the day, I’m not deaf and I’ll never truly know what that’s like. Being deaf… doesn’t make Roger who he is – but it is at the very core of him as a person. None of us really know what that means – except Peter.” Brian said, before giving John a sad look. 

“I get why you’re getting a PhD… you’re very insightful.” John chuckled, pulling a chuckle from Brian. “But, I get it. I am happy for Roger – I promise.” 

“I know you are, John. Because you’re a really good person; and someone is going to love you – awkwardness and all.” Brian grinned, nudging him gently before getting up to head towards the stage. John glanced at the clock; it was just after 5, and their set didn’t start until 7. He wasn’t sure if he couldn’t stomach watching Roger and Peter for two whole hours. He was mentally kicking himself for falling so hard for Roger – he was supposedly some messy hotspur, but John had hardly caught a glimpse himself. Maybe he’d fallen for the wrong Roger; maybe if he saw the real Roger, he wouldn’t like him as much – he hoped. John sat trying to conjure up a version of Roger so grotesque and awful that he couldn’t possibly fancy him, even if he wanted to – but he couldn’t. He couldn’t find a way to hide those blue eyes, or mask the breathless laugh that Roger did sometimes, but probably didn’t know he was doing. He couldn’t not love the way he played his drums, with passion and energy – rhythm fuelled by John’s bass. Most of all, he couldn’t pretend not to like the way Roger seemed to get him – he was nervous and awkward and Roger understood that. More than that – Roger liked it. He had called him cute – twice. In fact, the only possible reason John could think of not to like Roger, was that he had seemingly shown so much interest in him – only to go on a date with someone else. He glanced over at the ‘happy couple’, to see Peter with his arm around Roger, and Roger pressed close to his side. Freddie was still talking to Peter, asking him questions that John felt were far too inappropriate – but Peter seemed polite enough not to say anything. John watched as the conversation transformed to a series of bickering between Freddie and Roger, as the questions became a little too saucy. It was then that Peter turned towards John, and without Freddie there to keep his eye-rolls in check, he was worried he was going to say something he’d regret. 

_John, right? You’re the bass player – Roger’s told me so much about you._ Peter signed, chuckling slightly. 

“Why’s it funny?” John asked with furrowed brows; he knew he was being rude, but he just couldn’t help it. 

_Oh… just because out of our entire date, I think 25% of it was about ‘the new bass player who is better than anyone I’ve ever seen’_ Peter signed; John was a little confused by the complete lack of malice or sarcasm in the way he signed, because the sentence seemed a little odd. 

“I’m… sorry.” John signed, a bit confused, earning another ‘laugh’ out of Peter. 

_It’s nothing to be sorry about – it’s sweet. Roger really thinks you’re great. So, you must be something. I can’t wait to see you play later._ Peter signed happily. As much as John hadn’t wanted to admit it, Peter was lovely; he was polite and sweet, and seemed from the short conversation they’d had, to be just right for Roger – mellow enough to keep Roger in check; and not at all a nervous wreck… like John. 

Much to John’s approval, the owner had come and gotten them shortly afterwards to show them their dressing room. Perhaps dressing room was a slight overstatement; it was a small room with a couch, a table and a single fold up chair. But, they couldn’t complain – they had a gig and they were being paid to be there – what more could they ask for. They had done their best to find space in the room, Freddie sitting on the fold out chair, while Roger and Brian sat on the couch. Brian had offered to let John sit, but he had politely declined – the nervous energy becoming a little too much for him. Thankfully, Peter had stayed outside; John wasn’t sure he could have handled being couped up with the two of them – or furthermore, having to listen to Peter be a gracious and polite human that John had really prayed he wouldn’t be. As their set time neared, Freddie had desperately tried to get John to change – he was wearing a plain t-shirt and jeans, which was apparently unacceptable. But, John had stood his ground, and thankfully Brian had agreed that the top Freddie had tried to get him in was unsightly and ridiculous. Eventually Freddie had given up, quickly becoming too concerned with the gig itself to worry about John’s fashion. As 7 o’clock neared the energy in their storage-cupboard of a dressing room was becoming almost unbearably tense – not in a bad way, but definitely to an extent that John could feel himself drowning in it. 

“Alright; all set for you, boys.” A gruff man said, popping his head through the door. Freddie was the first to jump up excitedly, followed by Brian as he signed to Roger what the man had said. They all filtered out the door, John being the last one, his nerves now so high he was worried he might faint. 

Once they actually made it out on stage and began playing, John felt his nerves fall away a little. He focused on playing the tunes exactly how they had in rehearsal. God forbid he do something different or wrong and mess up Roger, and in turn, mess up their whole gig. It was a daunting prospect, but despite all his anxieties, John knew he was a good bass player. He played well – they all did. The gig went by without error – it wasn’t perfect by any means; but, the crowd had been more than happy and John felt he played really well considering the four of them weren’t even a band two weeks ago. They all exited the stage; feeling rather pleased, and gave a rowdy cheer when they reached the dressing room. After the adrenaline rushes had faded, Brian suggested they go out and pack everything up now, save having to do it later when he was the only sober one. Freddie and Roger agreed, far more reluctantly than John, and they made their way out to pack everything up. They were met with some congrats and kind words, which Freddie and Brian fielded mostly, to avoid any awkward moments for Roger. Once their equipment was packed up, they had all dispersed back around the pub, Peter going with Freddie and Brian to find a table, while Roger and John stayed at the bar to get drinks. 

_That was so great. Well done, D – E – A – K – Y._ Roger signed. John couldn’t help but chuckle at Roger’s use of the nickname. _Are you drinking tonight?_ He added. John nodded meekly. 

“A little.” He said softly. Roger just scoffed and rolled his eyes. 

_Pussy._ Roger signed, leaving John a bit confused by the word he hadn’t yet learnt. Roger must’ve been able to sense the confusion, because he was quick to reiterate. _You’re being a little bitch._ He said instead, earning an eye roll and soft shove from John. 

“Bully.” John muttered, a smirk on his face. In that moment, he’d forgotten about Peter. It was just him and Roger, and they were acting how they had been yesterday – if not better – when John still wholeheartedly believed he had a shot with Roger. In order to not get himself worked up about it again and risk drowning himself in liquor, he turned away from Roger slightly, as if to look around the bar. It was at this point that he spotted the man, just two seats away from him, practically staring him down. He felt his face flush hot and arms tingle with anxiousness. The guy shot him a sweet smile and John did his best to give one – not full of utter panic – back. Almost like a calling card, the man moved a seat closer, now sitting beside where John was standing. Roger hadn’t noticed, he was too concerned with buying a round. 

“Can I buy you a drink?” The man grinned, keening closer to John. John bit his lip and turned towards Roger. The movement seemed to catch Roger’s attention as he shot John a confused look when he noticed the younger man’s nervous expression. _He asked to buy me a drink._ John signed, not wanting to speak the words in front of the man, but figuring Roger couldn’t see his lips moving in the dim light anyway. Roger’s eyes widened and a wide grin spread across his face. With a cheeky wink, he gripped John by the shoulders and turned him around to face the man once again, grabbing the three drinks, leaving John’s on the table, before walking off. John stared at the man, before letting slip a nervous giggle; he shot another look at Roger who gave him a thumbs up. John went a brighter shade of red as he turned back with trembling fingers. 

“I’m John.” He said softly, knowing he was doing a piss poor job of hiding his nerves from this guy. 

“I’m David. You’re a fantastic musician.” He grinned, shooting John a wide smile as the beers were placed in front of them. 

“Thank you.” John said softly, his voice shaky with flattered laughter. He sipped his drink a little – he had consumed more alcohol since they’d arrived than he could remember doing on any other occasion, and was starting to see why people did it. He was more relaxed, not feeling anywhere near as nervous – and the image of Roger and Peter pressed very closely together at the table in corner, wasn’t hurting nearly as much as he thought it would. John had become so consumed in his thoughts that he’d hardly noticed David speaking. “I’m so sorry. I was in my own little world there for a second. What did you say?” John said, leaning closer to David. 

“I said, having him in the band must be a hoot.” The man chuckled, gesturing a head in Roger’s direction. John shot him a somewhat confused glance and gave him a nervous smile. 

“Uhh… I mean- yeah. He’s good fun.” John said decidedly, before strengthening his smile. The man just laughed, throwing his head back. 

“Nah- I mean having a chat with him must be a right laugh.” He grinned, his smile obnoxious. John’s brows furrowed slightly. 

“Talking with Roger is just like talking to anyone else.” John stated clearly, trying to not let the anger show in his voice. 

“Oh sure!” The man laughed, beginning to flail his hands around in what John assumed was his interpretation of sign language. John felt his face screw up in distaste. As the man continued to go about his unnecessary display, John turned to glance at Roger, who was watching the display with a lip between his teeth, gnawing incessantly at it. Peter hadn’t seemed to notice, but John felt his heart drop and he had to rest his gaze away before he cried at the site. He looked the man up and down; he wanted to get up and walk away – but he felt a bit too strongly, the urge to stand up for Roger. John thought about what Brian would do in that situation – he wouldn’t put it past him to flatten the obnoxious man, regardless of Brian’s gentle nature. 

“You know him being deaf makes him no less capable than you or me. He can’t hear – so? I’m sure you can’t do advanced biology or play the drums like he can, but you don’t see me making fun of you.” John said, louder and with much more intent than his previous small talk.

“Whatever.” David scoffed, his eyes rolling backwards. “Good luck with whatever this is - enjoy your rock band of retards.” John felt rage burn inside him. 

“You know what you absolutely half-baked ape. It’s people like you that are the reason people like Roger are institutionalised and treated like second-class citizens. He has every right that you and I do, and could probably converse circles around the both of us, even without his hearing, you moron.” John said loudly, turning a few heads in the bar. David just rolled his eyes with a nonchalant chuckle. The absolute lack of remorse on the man’s face, had John purposely relaxing, a too-sweet grin forming on his face. “It’s a shame, really; because five minutes ago, you seemed lovely. We could have had a delightful evening; I could have told you about the band and how our drummer drums without being able to hear a thing… it would have been in layman’s terms – of course. That’s “small words” for idiot, in case you were wondering. But, now I fear I have neither the time, nor the crayons to explain all that to you contemptuous ignoramus.” John spoke clearly, all with a sickly sweet grin on his face. David stood from the bar stool, now towering over John, a look of pure anger in his eyes. This is the point in which John would have started running as fast as his lanky legs could carry him – not that John had ever gotten this close to a fight in his life – but, surprisingly, there wasn’t a single part of John that even had the urge to flinch. 

“Look, you little pansy. If I were you, I’d be taking whatever root you can get. I don’t have time for some activist preacher like you to be all up in my face, because you clearly don’t get it-“ John cut him off, by standing also – barely reaching his chin. John thrust a slim finger into the man’s broad chest as he spat words loudly and blindly. 

“No! You don’t get it, you nitwit.” John, practically blinded by rage, barely realised he had been swiftly yanked away from the now towering man. It wasn’t until he was pulled to the corridor by the bathroom, that he was far enough away from the noise to come to his senses. He felt the hands on him and he whipped himself around to see Roger, Peter, Brian and Freddie – Brian and Freddie still holding him tightly 

_What on earth were you doing?_ Roger signed, disbelief and mania evident in his signing. 

“I was standing up for you; what does it look like?” John said, exasperated from the adrenaline rush. Freddie still had a hold of his arm, so Brian made haste in signing the breathless words coming flying from John’s mouth. 

_Why would you do that?_ Roger signed, a little calmer, but still in an obvious state of disbelief. 

“Because he was being rude to you – I wasn’t going to let him get away with it.” John couldn’t see, but Brian had the most evident look of pride on his face as he signed the words to Roger. 

_You could have been killed! That guy could have snapped you in one hand. Why would you do that?_ Roger signed messily. John was still so dazed that his brain hadn’t processed the fact that Peter’s had was running over Roger back to calm him down – but that was probably a good thing. 

“I just told you. He was being mean!” John almost yelled, causing Freddie to squeeze his arm a little roughly. 

“Darling, as much as this is clearly a moment – you very much look to the other patrons that you are screaming a conversation at no one, and people are going to think you’re crazy.” Freddie said softly, a light-hearted tone in his voice. It helped in bringing John back to planet earth. John let out a frustrated groan and squeezed his eyes shut, staying quiet for a minute. 

“I’m sorry.” John finally said. “I’m sorry for causing such a fuss.” He mumbled. Roger shrugged, a cheeky grin back on his face. 

_It’s whatever – I appreciate it. I know who to call if ever I need defending._ Roger signed, giving John a quick wink. _Another drink, shall we? I think you need one._ Roger suggested. John nodded as Roger and Peter began walking away. John glanced at David, who was now sat back at the bar as if nothing had happened, before turning to where Freddie was still holding his arm tightly.

“It’s absolutely not worth it, dear… But it’s nice to see you have some fire. That’ll be good for the road.” Freddie chuckled, patting down his now messy locks. John let out a soft chuckled huff as he felt himself calming down. There was the sound of glass breaking and John turned to where he’d just been looking to see Roger pushed at David, his face angry and red. John turned back to Brian and Freddie for a moment, but felt himself near unable to tear his eyes from Roger. 

“Shouldn’t we be doing something?” John muttered, eyes glued to Roger as he messily brawled with David, who was easily twice his size.

“Please – if we intervened every time Roger got into a fight we’d be a wrestling team.” Brian said, almost carelessly. 

“So… we’re just gonna stand here and watch?” John asked, genuinely confused as he watched the scene before him. Other bar patrons were attempting to pull the two men off of one another, Peter yanking Roger forcefully by the hips. 

“They’ll sort it out… you think this isn’t a regular occurrence?” Freddie said softly. “The only difference is Roger didn’t start the fight this time… you did.” He chuckled. 

“Well then I should do something.” John said meekly, taking a tentative step forward, only to feel Freddie’s hand on his shoulder. 

“Darling – you barely raised your voice at that prick… you think you’ll get a swing in before he knocks you out?” Freddie laughed. At this point, the bartender had come around from the bar to push at David, who was roughly his size, and throw him outside. It was only once the area seemed clear of the violence that Brian and Freddie moved over to Roger. John followed quickly behind, feeling a little overwhelmed at this point. 

“I think we can call it a night.” Brian chuckled, earning a pout from Roger. “Are you kidding? Van. Now.” Brian signed, an expression of light-hearted disappointment. “Did you need a ride home, Peter?” Brian signed. Peter shook his head quickly. 

_All good. I have my car with me – thank you, though._ He answered politely, as if the whole ordeal was perfectly normal. Brian gave a quick nod as Peter and Roger turned to each other. _Call me when you’re back in London, yeah. Don’t get into anymore brawls._ Peter grinned, before leaning down to press a gentle kiss to Roger’s lips. It was at this point that the events of the last half hour seemed to collapse on John like an anvil. He had stood up for Roger, sure – and he didn’t regret that in the slightest. But, it didn’t mean Roger was magically going to fall in love with him. The room seemed a daze as Peter departed, and the band began making their way out back. Freddie must have sensed what the aforementioned sight had done to John, because a gentle hand was guiding him outside. Once they made it outside, Freddie bee-lined straight for the front seat of the van. Brian was packing away a few little pieces that hadn’t made it in the van immediately following their set, before he stopped to look at Roger, who sat lounging in the back of the van. 

“You’re going to get yourself killed one day, Rog.” Brian chuckled, rolling his eyes teasingly. Roger gave him a proud grin. “But, I guess it’s nice to have one more person standing up for you, hey?” Brian smirked, gesturing his head towards John who was about to step into the back of the van. Roger nodded quickly before looking at John, who hadn’t taken his eyes off of the blonde. By the time John had finally looked back to Brian, he had disappeared to the driver’s seat. John hesitantly glanced back at Roger, as he got inside properly. 

_Thank you, John._ Roger signed, a genuine smile on his face. John smiled widely.

“It’s nothing Roger – I’d do it again; might need to brush up on my boxing though.” John said softly, chuckling. 

“I can help you with that, dear. I was Muhammed Ali in my prime.” Freddie joked from the front seat, causing John to laugh softly. He looked back down at Roger, who he noticed had glanced at the street line which was illuminating the still open van doors. John was standing by them, ready to shut them so they could leave when it occurred to him that shutting them left them totally in the dark – meaning Roger was back in a state of disconnect. It seemed that Roger could see John connecting the dots, because when John looked back at him, he sat up a little. 

_Would you mind sitting on the same side as me? I’m not a fan of riding back when it’s dark. I usually sit in the front, but I really fancied the lay down – not exactly sober._ Roger signed, causing John to giggle softly. He nodded quickly, just smiling at Roger for a moment. 

“Come on you two; I want to get back to London before Christmas, please!” Brian called, urging John to shut the door. John did so and moved in the marginal darkness to sit beside Roger, who quickly felt out for where John was. It wasn’t pitch black, the occasional flash of orange street light coming in through the front windscreen, but it certainly wasn’t enough for them to have a conversation. But, John didn’t mind; it was quiet and peaceful, and he actually liked the way Roger’s hand snaked up to rest again John’s leg, clearly just needing to know he was there. About ten minutes into the ride, John adjusted to lie against the edge of the seat, wanting to potentially get in some sleep on the way home. 

“I’m just going to have a nap, okay Brian? Let me know if you need me to drive.” John called, not worried about waking Roger up – and knowing Freddie was not asleep because he’d been discussing with Brian how the gig had gone. 

“Not happening, you’ve been drinking. I watched you try to inhale a beer, remember?” Brian teased; John could almost hear the smirk on his face. John had almost forgotten that he’d been drinking – it seemed all the adrenaline had mentally sobered him up – but he was glad that Brian had quickly shut down the notion of him driving. “Get some sleep; I’ll wake you once we get to your place, alright?” He called back. John nodded, regardless of whether Brian could see it, before nestling himself into a comfortable position. 

About halfway home, Brian and Freddie had decided they needed a bite to eat – Freddie to feed his impending hangover, and Brian to keep him awake. Brian had gotten out at the petrol station and went around to open the back of the van to see if Roger and John were awake and wanted anything. As he pulled open the doors, the petrol station lights filtered inside and he saw John asleep against the back of the seat, and Roger’s cheek pressed neatly against John’s upper arm as they slept peacefully. 

“Fred.” He whispered loudly, causing Freddie to turn and look at him through the centre console. He gestured his head to the two of them and Freddie glanced over, a quick smile spreading over his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the feedback on all the chapters so far. As always, I love your crazy comments, so please continue to show me how you better insight into my work than I do. I promise I will get to all the comments from last chapter - I'm just a mess of a human being and I apologise. 
> 
> Also, something IMPORTANTE folks: I did want to get your feedback about what you want out of this fic? Like, I'm not 100% sure about where to stop, I guess. I was thinking to maybe go to a reasonable point and then write some cute one shots to put in a series; because I have some cool ideas for story points, but they're just so far away and I really don't want this fic to drag on and on. So, let me know what you think - as always, your feedback means everything to me. 
> 
> Sooo much love, Ava :) x


	10. Chapter 10

John was awoken by his phone ringing. He groaned as he pushed himself out of bed and over to his small desk, where his phone sat. John couldn’t recall much of the night prior in the first moments of being awake, but he was certain he hadn’t drunk too much. However, his headache seemed to want to prove him otherwise. He wasn’t sure what time it was, and couldn’t quite make out his clock in his dark bedroom, so he settled on answering the phone politely, in case it was in fact, midday.

“Hello?” He said groggily, his voice low and hoarse. He heard a small chuckle on the other end of the phone before a far spritelier voice responded. 

“Hi, mate. You alright? You don’t sound great.” It was Brian; John felt himself become marginally less annoyed than he was before and made haste in flicking on his desk lamp. 

“Oh, yeah; I’m fine.” John said quickly before coughing lightly to clear his croaky throat. He glanced at the clock and saw it was already 11. “Sorry… I just woke up.” He muttered, suddenly embarrassed. 

“Bit of a lightweight, aren’t you?” Brian chuckled, not waiting for a response. “Well, if you’re not too hungover, I was wondering if you wanted to come over – Freddie’s here.” John’s face was a little puzzled, looking at his empty desk to gather his thoughts. 

“Like for band stuff? Did you want me to bring my bass? Is everything okay?” John rattled off questions a little too manically; but his nervous mind started to worry. They didn’t have plans to rehearse on Sundays; maybe the display he put on the night prior was enough to send him packing. His messy thoughts were interrupted by another chuckle through the phone. 

“No; just to hang out. You don’t have to if you’re busy – we’re not going to be doing much.” Brian said sweetly, and John could feel how wide his smile was. 

“No – I’d love to. Just give me a bit to shower and… I’ll come right over.” He said quietly, trying not to show how thrilled he was through the phone. 

“If you want, Roger can come get you?” Brian offered, to which John chuckled softly. 

“I will not get in a car with him if he’s not going to put glasses on.” John said, overdramatically – before quickly withdrawing himself back to a normal tone. “It’s fine, really. I’ll just get the train – be there in no time.” He mumbled. 

“Alright… see you soon. Bye.” Brian said sweetly into the phone. 

“Bye!” John responded before putting the phone down and making quick work to get showered and dressed. As he got ready, he hoped his tone on the phone had not been too obviously excited, because as sad as it was, there weren’t many people ringing him up to hang out. It was something he’d thought about when he’d joined Queen – the prospect of the other three continuing to hang out without him; he hadn’t minded the idea too much, knowing they were all really close. So, the fact that they – or Brian, at least – had thought of him, was making him a bit more excited than any self-respecting 20 year old should have been. 

John had just gotten off the train and was making the short walk from the station to Brian and Roger’s apartment. He’d gotten showered and dressed as quickly as he could, and a train to the nearest station was arriving just as John got to the platform, so it was only a little before 12 when John reached Roger and Brian’s apartment and made his way up to the 3rd floor. When he reached the old door of the flat, he was met with a large mechanic button, one he knew very well. He grinned widely as he pressed the flashing doorbell, it only taking a few seconds for the door to swing open and for John to be greeted by a very proud looking Roger. 

_It’s so handy._ Roger signed matter-of-factly, as if John didn’t know. John grinned widely and nodded. 

“I’m glad you like it.” He smiled as Roger stepped aside to let John in. John walked further into the house to see Brian and Freddie crouched around the coffee table. “What are you doing?” He asked quietly, his brows knitted together in confusion. 

“We’re playing Scrabble.” Brian stated simply, before leaning back over the board. 

“I’m just about to win, dear. Would you like to join in?” Freddie asked, smirking. John stepped closer to the couch. 

“I’m actually quite good at Scrabble.” He grinned, looking at Freddie who had cocked an eyebrow. 

“Finally… some real competition.” Freddie smirked, glancing at Brian who was rolling his eyes and mocking Freddie in silence. John chuckled as he stood against the back of the couch, watching Freddie dominate Brian in their game. John heard Roger shuffle over to stand beside him after a while. He felt as a small heat started radiating the middle of his back; he turned to see Roger looking at him, clearly waiting to be looked at himself. John gave him a weak smile, his mind dazed by the handprint of pressure that still hadn’t left him – it wasn’t until Roger started signing that he moved his hand, and even then the warmth of the touch remained in both John’s back and face.

_Thanks for standing up for me last night. I really appreciate it._ Roger signed, grinning sweetly at John who just nodded. _Just don’t make it a habit; getting punched isn’t going to do much for that pretty face of yours._ Roger smirked. John could feel his cheeks getting warm again, and he hoped it wasn’t obvious to Roger. 

“What about you and your face?” John asked shakily, realising a little too late that that had sounded rather odd. Roger didn’t seem to mind too much, he simply smiled a little wider. 

_Are you calling me pretty?_ Roger had a shit-eating grin on his face that was making John think he was getting so hot and flustered that he might pass out right there. This thought process was clearly evident on his face, because Roger’s grin developed into a small laugh as he shook his head. _Calm down, D – E – A – K – S. I’m just messing with you._ Roger responded, before giving John’s upper arm a gentle squeeze. John could feel himself calm down just slightly; but, he knew, despite Roger claiming to just mess with him, that he very much thought Roger was pretty – probably one of the prettiest people he’d seen before. John was so caught up in his own thoughts, staring mindlessly into the air that he hardly noticed Roger had begun to walk away. John’s eyes trailed the blonde as he walked towards the kitchen; stopping in front of what John had thought was a type writer. He watched a bit confused, but found himself following Roger, standing in the doorway of the kitchen to observe better. John did fear he was pushing boundaries; he was new to their group and worried that being nosier than he personally would have appreciated was going to annoy everyone. But Roger just gave him a sweet smile as he typed. Not a minute later he pulled away and stepped back towards the doorway into the living room. 

“What was that?” John asked, his voice quiet, in case Brian and Freddie had caught wind of him being intrusive. 

_Peter was just letting me know he’s leaving his house now._ Roger signed, very blaze. John glanced at the machine that Roger had been using. 

“Do you like… use it to write to him?” John asked, watching as Roger leaned against the door frame. He nodded shortly. 

_Yeah. It’s called a M – I – N – I – C – O – M; it connects to our telephone and I use it to talk. It was given to us by someone Brian knew, but it only works if the other person has one. This is the first time I’ve actually gotten to use it._ Roger chuckled softly, causing John to do the same. 

“That’s cool.” John said softly, receiving a small nod from Roger. 

“We’ve finished – I won, of course.” Freddie called from the couch. “Would you like to play, John?” He asked. John thought for a moment and nodded, figuring he’d have to try pretty hard to embarrass himself over a game of Scrabble. He slowly made his way to the couch and sat down, earning a small chuckle from Freddie. He glanced up to see the man looking between him and Roger. “You know, dear. Roger didn’t hear me call you over, and now he thinks you just walked away from him.” Freddie chuckled, his voice gentle – not accusatory. John looked over to Roger, who was standing there a little confused – so much for not embarrassing himself over Scrabble. John sat awkwardly and motionless for a moment, unsure if he should get back up and go to Roger. He settled on motioning him over with a quick hand, causing Roger to slowly and cautiously walk to sit on the arm on the couch, beside John. 

“I forgot you couldn’t hear Freddie letting me to come over – I’m sorry.” John signed as quickly as he could, his eyes threatening nervous tears. Roger just chuckled. 

_That’s okay; you’d be surprised how often that happens. It’s no big deal._ Roger grinned, before placing a hand on John’s shoulder. Brian had removed himself to the kitchen; John heard something about Brian being in charge of getting Freddie tea because he lost, so he figured that’s what he was doing. Freddie began setting up for the next game, clearing the board of tiles and getting things sorted for John, who still looked a bit mortified. It didn’t take long for them to get into the game; Freddie was very good, but John had played Scrabble with his family plenty of times, so he knew what he was doing. As they were playing, he felt Roger slide from the arm of the chair to fit into the little space beside him, before leaning into John. He turned to look at Roger, who was focused on the tray of Scrabble tiles in front of John. He grinned softly at him before making eye contact with Freddie, who was also grinning at the sight. John was about to ask Roger is he wanted to play on a team, when a bright flash caught everyone’s attention. Roger jumped up and practically ran to the door; John couldn’t help but smile wildly at how his gift was actually going to good use. John knew it was more than likely Peter at the door, so he quickly turned his attention back to the board, lest he visibly scowl at the pair. A few moments later, John felt a gentle tap on the top of his head as he focused on the tiles in front of him. He looked around to see Roger and Peter standing behind him, and quite close to each other. Peter took a hesitant step forward. 

_That… doorbell is really cool – are they… difficult to make?_ He signed. John watched his hands carefully, before smiling up at him. 

“Not really. Did you want one?” John grinned, turning further around on the couch to look properly at him. Peter was motionless for longer than John would have deemed normal, and he seemed to not be able to focus his eyes on John to save himself. 

_If it’s not too much trouble… Just tell me how much and I-_ John cut him off with a wave of his hand. 

“Don’t be ridiculous.” John signed quickly. “I’ll give it to Roger once it’s done, and then he can give it to you.” He said, impressing even himself with his own confidence. He saw a small blush creep over Peter’s face as he nodded quickly, and for once, John felt like he wasn’t the most nervous person in a conversation. “Are you guys going out?” John asked, now looking at Roger. 

_We’re going to go grab some lunch, but we’ll be back._ Roger signed, before looking up at Peter with a gaze so sweet that John couldn’t help but smile. Roger turned back to John, who just gave him a quick nod. Roger smiled widely at John before waving as he linked his other hand with Peter’s and left. John turned quickly back around. He liked Peter – Peter had given him no reason not to; and as much as it hurt to admit it, they were really cute together. He couldn’t lie and say he didn’t wish that was him holding hands with Roger and going out to lunch; but Roger seemed immensely happy, and John feared that he couldn’t do that for Roger had he been in Peter’s position.

“Hello? Earth to John!” Freddie called, waving a hand in front of John and causing him to snap from his thought processes and look at the older man. 

“Sorry... I-“ He began, only to be silenced by Freddie. 

“You were thinking about how much you liiiiike Roger?” He teased, extending the ‘I’ in like for just long enough that John was rolling his eyes before the sentence even finished. 

“No.” John said quickly, glancing quickly at Brian who was smirking a little. “I was thinking that Peter is really nice.” He said softly. 

“Sure you were.” Freddie chuckled, rolling his eyes playfully at John’s words. 

“I’m serious!” John defended. “I really am happy for Roger – I think Peter is good for him.” He said confidently – and he meant it. Part of liking Roger meant he was glad to see him happy – and there was no denying Roger was happy. 

“God; you sound like Brian.” Freddie huffed jokingly, causing Brian and John to look at each other. 

“That’s not a bad thing.” Brian grinned. “It means he’s got some sense in him – not like you two. At least now I’m not the only one with their head screwed on properly.” Brian said, looking at Freddie with a teasing look. 

“You say that… but John did try and fight someone last night – that’s a very Roger-esque thing to do.” Freddie chuckled. Both John and Brian laughed in response. 

“Can we just get back to the game?” John practically pleaded, receiving a hasty nod from Freddie. They played in relative silence, save for the occasional invested comment from Freddie, or jibe at some word Brian deemed ‘made up’. However, largely as John expected, it didn’t take long for Freddie to begin conversation again. 

“It really doesn’t bother you, darling?” He pestered, receiving a small sigh from John. 

“There’s nothing else you can think to talk about, Freddie?” John questioned, looking at him with a bit of an annoyed look on his face. 

“I’m sorry! I’m nosy!” Freddie smirked. “I just can’t understand how you’re not annoyed by it; I know I would be – you two really seemed to hit it off!” He explained, holding his cup of tea close enough to his face that he could take a sip once he was done. John rolled his eyes. 

“It doesn’t matter; just because I like Roger doesn’t mean he liked me – clearly.” John said softly, feeling quite small in the room as Brian and Freddie stared him down. 

“Roger liked you.” Brian said, almost immediately. John’s head shot up to look at Brian, eyes wide. “He just didn’t know if you liked him – he wasn’t going to freak you out by coming onto you after only knowing you a week.” Brian explained, his face still quite serious. 

“What?” John said, a little louder than was probably warranted. “You both knew I liked him – why didn’t you tell him!” John was almost yelling at this point; he couldn’t tell himself if it was out of frustration at his friends, or if finding out Roger did like him was severely overwhelming him, but John was displaying more emotion than he was sure he ever had before.

“Darling, you have to calm down.” Freddie said very casually, a small smile on his face. John realised quite quickly how dramatic he was being and suddenly felt like a real idiot. 

“I- I’m sorry… I just- why didn’t you tell him that I did like him… do like him.” John mumbled, eyes flicking to his feet. 

“Because, it’s not ours to tell…” Brian said simply. 

“Besides, dear; you didn’t actually admit you liked Roger until a few hours before he told us about his date – how were we supposed to know the issue was time sensitive?” Freddie said rather sassily, clearly to quip back at the attitude John was giving them. John stayed silent, staring mindlessly at his hands; he immediately felt remorse at getting annoyed with Brian and Freddie. At the end of the day, he didn’t know either of them all that well, and was worried that he was painting a bad picture of himself.

“I’m sorry.” John muttered, beginning to fiddle with his own fingers. 

“You don’t have to be sorry.” Brian said, with a sweet smile on his face. John tipped his head back onto the couch and shut his eyes – he felt like such an idiot. 

“John; you know we like you, right?” Freddie said quietly. John’s head lifted slowly, and he peered at Freddie, a bit confused. “Stop being so worried; we all really like you.” He reiterated, giving John a warm smile. John returned a nervous grin, but he felt himself calming down slightly. “Now, hurry up and play your turn!” Freddie exclaimed, doing wonders to lighten the mood. John let out a shaky chuckle and leant forward to continue playing. When they finished the game, they played another with Brian, and by that time, the door was opening as Peter and Roger re-entered silently. Their hands were still interlocked like they had been when they left, and John had to smile at them; against all of his willpower – he had to. 

“Did you have fun?” Brian asked, to which Roger nodded quickly, walking with haste to behind John. He looked up at him as a paper bag landed in his lap. John shot him a confused look as he turned around. 

_I got you a croissant._ Roger signed. John didn’t realise what the last word Roger had signed was until he opened the bag. He smiled up at him. 

“Thank you, Roger.” John said softly, standing up to move into the kitchen to eat. He watched through the doorway as Roger looked up at Peter; he was signing something as the taller man held his waist. He grinned through a mouthful of food, watching as Peter leant down to kiss Roger, pulling him tighter to his body. They stayed like that for a little longer than John cared to watch for, until he saw a couch cushion go flying at the pair. They pulled apart quickly and Roger looked towards Brian with an annoyed look. 

“If you’re going to get heated, can you please do it at his house?” Brian signed, a serious look on his face. 

_Why?_ Roger asked, a small frown on his face. 

“Because, we have thin walls; and I don’t really want to hear two people who have no perception of the amount of noise they’re making, going at it.” Brian said, smirking at Roger. Roger’s frown quickly became a wide smile as he winked at Brian and turned back to Peter, connecting their lips again. “I mean it.” Brian said loudly, not bothering to sign, seeing as both their eyes were closed. 

“How are you fairing over there, John?” Freddie called. “Jealous?” He teased. John felt himself nearly choke on the piece of croissant in his mouth, about to yell out to Freddie, only to see him shaking his head fondly. “Darling; you seem to forget I can yell as loud as I want that you fancy Roger – they still can’t hear you.” He grinned, clearly amused by John’s panicked and food-filled face. 

“Stop it, Fred.” Brian muttered under his breath. John wasn’t sure if it was to stop Freddie from teasing John or talking behind Roger’s back, but John was thankful for him, nonetheless. Roger and Peter did eventually pull away from each other, but still seemingly caught up in their own little word. John idolised the way they never seemed to be awkward with one another; he wasn’t sure if it was because they were both deaf or if they really were meant for each other – but, he knew he wanted it. 

“Why don’t you two lovebirds come sit; would you like to play Peter?” Freddie asked, signing with a sweet expression. They moved to sit, Roger practically pulling Peter behind him. Once they sat, Peter very courteously shook his head for Freddie. 

_Thank you. But, English isn’t my first language… so; I think it would be rather boring for you._ Peter signed, receiving a confused look from Freddie and John, who had now discarded the empty bag to his croissant, and moved to stand near the edge of the couch. 

“Where are you from then, dear? I don’t mean to brag, but I think I could manage a game in a different language.” Freddie signed with a chuckle. Peter smiled in place of a laugh and shook his head quickly. 

_My first language is sign language. Almost my entire family are deaf, so we don’t really use written English._ He explained, and it seemed even Roger looked the slightest bit perplexed. There was a motionless silence that fell over the room for a short moment, before Peter moved to continue signing. _Sorry; that’s more than you probably care to know._ He signed quickly, receiving a small grin and shake of the head from Brian; Freddie still looked largely confused. John, above all else, was crumbling where he stood at the idea that Peter had apologised for oversharing – despite absolutely not – when John had practically yelled at two people he barely knew. John still liked Peter – he still had no reason not too – but he couldn’t help the way the jealous feelings were arising in his throat. 

“No, dear; no such thing as oversharing here.” Freddie grinned. “It’s just interesting because Roger writes a lot… and he is also deaf.” He continued, before laughing at himself for stating the obvious. 

_My parents aren’t deaf, Fred._ Roger signed, and despite the lack of noise, the sentence was blunt – like Roger was avidly ready to be done with the conversation. 

“Right.” Freddie muttered under his breath; this was the first time John had ever seen a situation between them become awkward and Freddie not be the first to try and rectify it with some comment to ease tension. John found himself spacing out on the older man, whose gaze was not on the group. It wasn’t until he felt a less than gentle tug on his sleeve that he peered down at the source to see Roger, pulling at him like a child. 

_Sit down._ Roger signed, moving over so there was a small fraction of couch for John to sit on. John grinned softly, manoeuvring himself to sit. He tried not to get too close to Roger, knowing Peter was sitting right beside him; but the couch was very much intended to only fit two people. Despite his efforts to not get in the way, Roger had already turned to him, slinging one leg over John’s knee; he was hoping his widened eyes weren’t too obvious. _I told Peter about how you stood up for me at uni the other day._ Roger grinned widely. _I also told him you called me pretty earlier, and he’s going to kick your ass._ Roger said with a considerable smirk on his face. John couldn’t help but tense up a little; Peter was sizable, and he looked strong – he could absolutely kick John’s ass if he wanted to. It wasn’t until John saw Peter lightly flick Roger’s arm with the back of his hand, that he felt his tensions ease.

_Don’t be a dick, Roger._ Peter signed, a comically annoyed look on his face. _Roger has told me all about how you learnt to sign so you could talk to him – that’s so sweet; and you’re really good for someone who only just started._ Peter signed to John, giving him an encouraging smile. John smiled at his comment; he was such a genuinely nice guy. Watching Roger lean back into him, all cosy and happy made John melt – and not in a bad way. 

“Thanks.” John signed back, a blush on his face. “Roger spent the entire ride to Cambridge talking about you.” He smirked, looking at Roger – who was now blushing – with a teasing expression. Peter smiled even wider and looked down at Roger, who soon glanced up at him with wonderment in his eyes. Peter gave him a quick kiss before pulling away and poking his tongue out at Roger, who immediately did the same – pulling a stupid face. John wanting to be angry; he wanted to be jealous, and to have reason to hate Peter. But, he couldn’t; John knew he himself was a good person, and part of that meant he was so content with Roger being happy. He smiled widely and genuinely at them until Peter removed himself from Roger’s side to use the bathroom. Roger watched him until he disappeared, before turning to John. 

_Do you like him?_ Roger asked, nervous hope on his face. John felt himself melt away, and he nodded as confidently as the little part of his love-struck brain would allow. _I was hoping you would. I think you two could be really good friends._ Roger carried on, to which John just nodded as Roger continued about how the two of them were alike. As the conversation lulled, Roger moved himself to lie in John’s lap. John couldn’t help but wonder if Roger enjoyed torturing John, knowing full well he wasn’t one to be touched. But, he wasn’t about to push him off, instead he stayed perfectly still, as if he was being approached by some wild animal. Roger looked up at him with a messy grin, his hands moving to toy with the fabric on John’s sweater. John smiled down at him for a moment, but soon thought to divert his attention to anywhere else. The longer he looked at Roger, happily lying on his lap, the easier it was to continue telling himself that with Roger lied a possibly – one that most certainly didn’t exist. He found himself concentrating on anything else – the wallpaper, the clock, the odd shaped stain on the carpet. When the toilet flushed, he found himself focusing on the figure returning into the room. He and Peter locked eyes for a moment, and he smiled. John watched as Peter’s eyes flickered over the scene in front of him, and he gave John a sweet smile – one that John prayed was more clueless than his anxious mind was forcing him to believe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the fantastic responses so far - ahhhhh, you're all so great. 
> 
> I want to preface this chapter (although this is at the end, but whatever) by saying that I am really unsure about this chapter. I think it's important in the story; but, I don't want you to all be turned off by the lack of Joger. I will promise you all now - as I know that's what a lot of the comments are regarding - this will end well and happy and dandy. So, I hope you all stick around while it's a bit Joger-less. 
> 
> Also, this is now a part of a series, because I think I have decided to write some sweet one shots. I don't think I will be adding to it until this fic is done, just because anything taking place after this will spoil the story. But, if you want to go ahead and subscribe, that way you won't miss them when they do arrive, that'd be bonza mate ;)
> 
> Lastly, I promise I will get to all the comments tomorrow; It's very late and I just can't analyse everyone's analysis right now. But, I do promise I have read (and practically squealed at) every one of them. So please, do continue to leave novels in the comments, you have no idea how much I adore them. 
> 
> Much love, Ava :) x


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I only just updated like, not even 24 hours ago - but I have spent the last half a day stressing about the last chapter and wanted to make up for it with a double upload. So... ta da! There is a slightly marginal time skip in here, so I hope that doesn't bother anyone too much. It's a little bit paramount to the progression of the story (and the story not being 270 chapters long). Anywhoooo, enjoy... please :) x
> 
> **Note: the bold is supposed to sort of be "flashback" - I'm not sure if that's all that clear, but it doesn't really matter**

They had settled on staying in; a few beers and some pizza as they watched whatever old Hollywood western film was rerunning for the 19th time that month. Roger was sat in between the couch and the coffee table, having decided being wedged between Peter and John had not ‘allowed him enough freedom to enjoy his pizza’ – or whatever other garb had them all rolling their eyes. It was because he couldn’t see the television from his spot on the couch and they all knew it – even Peter, who he had known for a mere few days knew – mostly because Brian had made a point of mentioning it. John tried watching the movie, but he was bored out of his mind – he’d seen it before, and it was bad the first time; so he was trying to focus himself on something else. One thing John had learnt in the last two weeks was that if he got too distracted with whatever conversation he was having in his mind, he wasn’t visually focused enough to notice if Roger started talking – and he didn’t want to have to ask Roger to repeat himself because he was staring at the ceiling thinking about some cool riff. He didn’t have to worry about his unfocused and darting eyes for too much longer, because Peter was gently tapping his leg. He glanced over at the man, who had forgone his pizza to focus on John.

 _So you’re studying engineering?_ Peter signed, to which John nodded as he put his pizza down.

“Yeah; I’m in my second year – and you’re studying accounting, was it?” John asked, a polite grin on his face.

 _God, Roger already told you everything._ Peter replied with a wide smile. John chuckled and nodded with raised brows.

“You’d be surprised how much one person can gush over another person in an hour car ride.” John teased, glancing at Roger, who was none the wiser of their conversation. John looked back to Peter. “So how big is your F – A – M – I – L – Y?” John asked, Peter smiling, likely at the way John spelt things.

 _I have two older sisters, and older brother, and a younger brother._ Peter explained.

“And they’re all deaf?” John signed, hoping the question wasn’t too forward, considering they’d met a day ago.

 _My mother, father, myself, my oldest sister, older brother and younger brother. So, just my older sister is hearing._ John nodded along, trying to follow the unique words.

“Wow… that must be tough.” John signed, before realising the insensitivity of what he’d said. “I mean…” He mumbled, not even signing. The panic must have been evident in his face as he and Peter made slightly awkward eye contact, before Peter waving his hand waywardly.

 _Don’t be ridiculous._ He smirked, before giving John a quick wink. John grinned in thought for a moment, before making the wary decision to speak up.

“Is W – I – N – K – I – N – G a deaf thing? Because Roger does it a lot and you just…” John asked, the question drawing the attention of Brian and Freddie, who both looked confused without much context to the conversation. Peter gave him a quick smile, shaking his head.

 _No… it’s not a deaf thing. I’m not too sure why I did it._ Peter muttered, his cheeks a little red as he huffed an breathy laugh. _And I think Roger does it because I’m quite certain he’s a harlot._ Peter grinned widely. John hadn’t caught the last word, but he was a bit nervous to ask Peter to repeat it.

“Umm… what was that last word.” He signed nervously. “I’m not very good at this – I’m sorry.” John said sincerely, earning just a sweet and sympathetic smile from Peter.

 _H – A – R – L – O – T. A call girl, basically._ Peter smirked, before running a hand through Roger’s hair, causing him to turn around. _Isn’t that right, Rog?_ He signed, leading Roger to give him a confused expression and a quick ‘what’. _Just say yes, babe._ Peter grinned.

 _Yes…_ Roger signed slowly, wearing a suspicious expression. He turned to look at John, who was now giggling. _Are you telling embarrassing secrets about me?_ Roger asked, his expression not changing.

“Roger; I don’t even know embarrassing stories about you.” John chuckled quietly. Roger continued to stare him down – obvious jest in his gaze.

 _Fine; you’re off the hook – for now. But, I’m watching you… thin fucking ice, Deacon._ Roger teased before turning back around to eat more pizza. John grinned as he relaxed back into the couch; it seemed Peter had now gone back to eating as well, a content grin on his face as he looked at Roger. John looked around at the little group of misfits he was slowly becoming more infatuated with, and thought he’d be pretty content if every day was like this.

 

••••••••

It had been three months since it all started – three months since John joined Queen, and three months since he met the now best friends he’d ever had. The last three months had been an absolute whirlwind of pub gigs across and around London, John severely overwhelmed each time the still minimal fanfare increased. They had written dozens of songs, and were saving up – forced mostly by Freddie – to record an album. John felt infinitely more comfortable around the other three; there were still times when he’d say something and then go home and stress about it, but the others were quick to reassure John that they did, in fact, like him very much – Freddie especially. Furthermore, John and Roger had become thick and thieves, often meeting up before practice to bang through some percussion and conspire about what had happened that day. They were the few moments that John got to spend entirely alone with Roger. Even if Freddie and Brian weren’t there; Peter would be. Wherever Roger was, Peter was too; they were practically inseparable – and John didn’t mind it much anymore. Against all he had angrily convinced himself months prior, he and Peter got on fantastically, to the point that Peter would regularly pick John up on the way to Brian and Roger’s, or forgo driving so that John didn’t have to catch the train alone. At first, John’s overactive anxieties had convinced him that Peter knew about John’s feelings and was lulling him into a false sense of security, only to not so kindly tell him to get lost. He’d confided those worries in Freddie – who’d quickly become his new favourite confidant – and was very promptly told to stop being a ‘nervous spaz’. Since then, he’d calmed down; and through the calm, could very clearly see how genuinely thoughtful Peter was.

John had stopped working at the mechanics – the hectic schedule Freddie had proposed no longer permitting time for it. They spent most of their free time rehearsing or playing gigs; and that’s exactly what they were doing.

They had driven all the way to Liverpool for this sold out gig that had proposed enough of a pay check to nicely top off their ‘album’ cash pool, as well as leave a little something left for each of them to actually pay their rents with. John was sat on the edge of the stage tuning his bass while Roger set up his kit. Brian was coordinating the amps and leads to make sure nobody tripped – which had happened at their gig in Manchester, and Freddie was nowhere to be seen. Not that it was surprising or alarming; they had him get to Brian and Roger’s an hour early, refusing to let him be late – so he couldn’t have gotten too far. On the opposite end of the pub, sitting at the bar, was Peter; smiling with love and admiration at Roger as he flounced about his drums. John was tuning his bass rather mindlessly; the task had become like clockwork after all these years. His senses were barely focused on anything but the low thrum of his bass until a loud, tinny bang sounded, just metres from his ear. He glanced over to see one of Roger’s symbols still hypnotically spinning circles on the floor near his feet. Roger looked up with a slight grimace on his face before locking eyes with John.

 _I know that was loud… but I’m going to pretend I don’t know so that no one can get mad at me._ Roger signed, with a cheeky smirk on his face. John rolled his eyes as he grinned fondly at Roger. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard that sort of line from the blonde, and he was certain it wouldn’t be the last. Just a week prior, Roger – being the true epitome of male immaturity – had sat as close as to John as he possibly could so that he could fart on him; and then proceeded to play it off as if he had no idea what had happened.

**”Roger; you can feel it and we all know that. That is gross; get away from me – you’re 23, not 10!” John yelled, his signing sporadic and clearly frustrated as he pushed himself away from Roger.**

Or what John had heard from Brian about the countless times Roger had tried to claim that quiet nights with Peter hadn’t gotten a little too heated.

_**I guess I’m just a loud breather – how would I know. You want me to stop breathing because it keeps you up at night? Wow, Brian; that’s real nice – some best friend you are.**_ **All said with that signature grin and wink, leaving Brian in his own mess of eye rolls and huffs.**

John watched as Roger picked up his cymbal, doing his best to act as if he’d dropped a feather. John could see the frustrated expression on Brian’s face, and he wondered if Roger knew that everyone in the room knew Roger was full of shit. He settled on the fact that he probably did – but he also knew that Roger knew he was loved enough to get away with just about anything. Once he’d set the cymbal up properly, Roger energetically made his way to sit beside John. He sat waiting for a moment until John removed the bass from his hands – in all honesty, he’d much prefer talking to Roger over tuning a guitar.

“My hands are free; I am ready for you now, Roger.” John said dramatically; the tone must have been evident in his voice, as Roger smiled widely as he turned even more to John, almost as if he was making sure no one else could see what he was signing.

 _So, Peter and I are going to his parents after this instead of going back to London_. Roger stated. John looked at him a little perplexed; John knew this – they all knew it. Roger and Peter were going to Glasgow so Roger could meet Peter’s parents instead of driving back to London with the rest of the band. Freddie had almost throttled him for choosing to spend 3 days in another town when they had a gig the next weekend and could have been rehearsing – but Brian and John had rallied around Roger and truthfully – when Roger made his mind up about something, there really was no changing it. The air between them was still motionless, and John was starting to get confused – had Roger forgotten that he told John; was all the alcohol sending him prematurely senile.

“Yes, I know. You told us last week…” John signed, confusion on his face. “Is everything okay?” Roger sighed loudly.

 _I’m just nervous. I’ve never met them and… what if they hate me?_ Roger signed, panic clear in his face. John felt for Roger; few things panicked the older man, but when they did, they were near catastrophic.

“They’re not going to hate you; it would be impossible to hate you.” John said confidently, but Roger looked largely unconvinced. “Roger… you’re stepping into a household full of other deaf people – you’re literally in your element.” John chuckled. “The only way you could make them hate you is if you accidentally called his mum a ‘total pig’ instead of a ‘good cook’.” John joked.

 _Those signs don’t even look the same_. Roger signed, a thin smile on his lips.

“Exactly! You’d have to be a real idiot to cock it up that bad. Which you’re not; you’re the smartest person I know – remember.” John smiled, before grabbing Roger’s upper arms. “You got this.” He mouthed, and judging by the way Roger’s smile widened, he understood.

“Who’s talking about cocks?” Freddie’s voice echoed through the pub, enough to make the bartenders glance awkwardly at him. John could feel the embarrassed blush creeping up on his face.

“John and Roger.” Brian smirked, glancing between Freddie and the pair.

“You naughty boys!” Freddie grinned, stepping up onto the stage. “I thought Peter was well endowed – I guess I was right.” Freddie grinned, wrapping his hand seductively around the microphone – not at anyone in particular, just for show. Nonetheless, John could feel himself dying of embarrassment; his cheeks were heating up and his palms were getting sweating, and it was only made more uncomfortable by the way Peter and Roger had no idea what was going on. Luckily Roger – knowing John well enough to piece together the puzzle – stood quickly.

 _Should we go to the dressing room – have a quick warm up?_ Roger asked, receiving casual nods and the quick ‘okay’ – not that it mattered. John stood also, being grabbing by Roger in almost lightning fast fashion. As Roger dashed away faster than John could comprehend, the older man’s hand slipped from his elbow, down his wrist to catch his fingertips. He pulled John along by the hand, moving to Peter and giving him a gentle peck – the tall man holding Roger carefully by the waist. Roger continued on to the dressing room – one would think he was excited for something, but they all knew well enough that it was just Roger’s pre-show adrenaline. The entire gallivant from the stage, to Peter, to the dressing room, Roger’s hand never left John’s, who was being pulled quickly behind. Even once they reached the dressing room, Roger turned to John, hands interlocked. He noticed the seemingly uncomfortable look on John’s face and his eyes trailed from the younger man’s own gaze to where their hands were connected. Roger’s eyes widened slightly as he ripped his fingers from John’s grip. _Sorry._ He signed quickly, a nervous grin on his face. _I forgot you don’t do touching._ John smiled politely at him, shaking his head to disregard Roger’s panic. As they began warming up, John couldn’t help but think about how his own aversion to physical contact had never stopped Roger before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it - as always, let me know what you think! I am SOOOOO unbelievably sorry that I haven't gotten around to answering comments yet - I swear I will tomorrow ahhh. I just really wanted to get this out for you guys and now I am going to bed!! 
> 
> Much love, Ava :) x


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for waiting while I had a little break from updating - hoping you've all missed it enough to enjoy this chapter even more haha. This chapter is brought to you by Wine™ and an utter lack of respect for university assignments. As always, love to hear what you think, your comments are far and away the best part of writing this series, as you are all much smarterer than I am ;)
> 
> Much love, Ava :) x

They had played their gig on Friday; it had gone great – better than great, in fact. They had been paid enough to start seriously talking about an album, which is all Freddie had done since they’d returned home. Other than those discussions however, he and Freddie – with Brian in tow, had done little more than meander around Brian’s flat, occasionally working on some music; but mostly eating and drinking in relative silence until it was time for either of them to head home. John found it strange how not having Roger around for those three days, made it feel as though silences were no longer as welcomed. With Roger around, they could have a conversation in silence – to be fair, they still could without him; but, it seemed wrong for the three of them to just converse in sign language. Because of that, the three of them hung out, mostly in comfortable silence for the three days that Roger was away with Peter. By the end of it, John was looking forward to having Roger back; in the last three months, he hadn’t spent more than a day away from the group – meaning that the better part of the week without Roger had left John feeling rather dull and uninspired. He couldn’t wait to hear about Glasgow – he’d never been; he wasn’t even scoffing at the idea of listening to Roger talk about how fantastic Peter – and now his family – was some more. By the time Tuesday rehearsals came around, John was just itching to see him – in the least obsessive way he could force his mind to behave. He had even found himself looking forward to seeing Peter. 

John entered the auditorium to an unusually uncomfortable silence. Silences were the common, but the way that everyone was moving around the room with so much caution made John nervous to step further inside. John shuffled towards Freddie, figuring that if this was some sort of mammoth issue that Freddie would be the most likely to talk to him about it; and John figured if he was being kicked out of the band, he’d most like to hear from Freddie about it. 

“Fred… what’s going on?” John muttered out the side of his mouth, not wanting to cause any more of a scene than what clearly had been. He watched as Freddie’s gaze shifted from him to Roger, halting for a moment. He looked back to John and gave a small sigh. 

“Roger and Peter broke up.” Freddie said sadly. John had thought about this moment – only briefly, mind; but in his fantasies, this moment had been what he wanted. But, looking at the way Roger stared absentmindedly at the drums, looking like he was about to cry, made John feel nothing but remorse. 

“What?” John said softly, eyes still fixed on Roger who, thankfully, hadn’t looked up and caught his gaze. “When?” He questioned, before realised that something had probably occurred during their half-week at Peter’s parents; but, considered how seemingly enamoured they were, John couldn’t even begin to formulate a reasoning. “How?” John said with seeming finality, figuring that was the most important piece of information in the grand scheme of things. 

“I don’t know.” Freddie said softly, “Apparently he came home yesterday night, went straight to his room, and when Brian asked what was wrong, he said that they broke up. Brian didn’t tell me anything else.” Freddie explained, a sad look on his face. John’s eye shifted to glance at Brian who was seemingly distracted by his guitar. John couldn’t tell if Brian genuinely couldn’t hear their admittedly hushed conversation, or if he had chosen to ignore them based on his distaste of talking behind Roger’s back about things like this. 

“Why didn’t you ask?” John said softly, figuring it very unlike Freddie to not push for more gossip. 

“I don’t think Brian knows, dear. He said that Roger wasn’t really up for conversation last night.” Freddie muttered, causing John to sigh as he turned back to Roger. 

“Have you said anything to him?” John asked, turning back to Freddie to continue gauging his reactions. 

“Not more than a ‘hello’.” Freddie sighed. “He’s been a bit of a head case all morning, according to Brian. I didn’t want to push.” John looked at him with slight confusion. 

“You didn’t want to push? Freddie – that’s what you do.” John muttered, a hint of almost annoyance in his voice – mostly at the lack of gossip that Freddie had obtained. 

“I know, but… he just seems so poorly. I honestly thought that Peter was it – I can’t just go waltzing in… the way that I do. I don’t believe I’m tactful enough, dear.” Freddie said carefully. “I think you should go speak to him.” John’s eyes widened, as if Freddie was proposing the impossible. 

“Are you crazy? I’m probably the last person he wants to speak to right now! We barely-“ He was swiftly cut off by Freddie shrilled voice. 

“Don’t have at me with that ‘barely know each other’ crap – you and Roger get on like a house on fire, and you are very much friends, dear.” He said seriously. “Furthermore, you two are polar opposites – as are you and I – meaning, he would probably much prefer you being gentle and empathetic, than me rushing in like a headless chicken.” Freddie monologued; his voice becoming progressively louder and causing Brian to finally turn to them. 

“Fine.” John said shortly. “But, that doesn’t mean I’m telling you what he says.” John grumbled, turning as Freddie shot him a pleading look. He took a few steps closer to Roger before turning back to Freddie and Brian. “I’m going to pretend that you didn’t tell me – better that Roger gets to explain.” John muttered and made his way to stand in front of the drum kit. Roger had clearly noticed John enter his line of vision, as he looked up with eyes no less sad than when he was gazing at him drums. “Hey, Rog; how was Glasgow?” John asked. He hoped the question didn’t seem too tactless; after all, it was the first thing John hadn’t wanted to ask Roger before this shit-storm arose. Roger stared at him emotionless for a second, before placing his sticks on his snare drum and raising his hands high enough that John could see them – but with little intent. 

_I know you know._ That was all he signed, and John took a minute to piece together the phrase and the context, before just deciding to play a little naïve. 

“What?” He signed, furrowing his brows. 

_You don’t think all these years of being deaf have allowed me a decent intuition about body language; you’re tense – nervous even. More so than usual – I know you know. You wouldn’t come over here with that much reserve if you didn’t – not now we’re friends._ John processed his words slowly – and a little gobsmacked. It was almost as if Roger had heard the conversation he and Freddie had just had – not only because he knew that John knew, but also because he seemed to make point of reiterating that he and John were friends. 

“I umm-“ John began, not even signing due to an inability to gather his thoughts. That didn’t seem to matter; it appeared that Roger could sense John’s discomfort. 

_It’s fine – it’s whatever. We broke up; so what? Are we going to get to any rehearsing today, or just sit around moping and gossiping?_ Roger signed; John could sense the anger radiating from Roger’s face and his fingertips. Every part of him was telling John to walk away and leave Roger be, but he couldn’t leave Roger in the state he was in – not only would it disable them from getting any actual rehearsing done, but because he’d never seen Roger look so down before. John glanced back at Brian and Freddie, who were practically boring through them with their stares. He let out a gentle groaning sigh and turned back to Roger, who was still looking at him – however, now looked like he wouldn’t hesitate to knock out John’s headlights. He couldn’t blame Roger; if someone came up to him, not 24 hours after being dumped, he’d be near breaking point. But, somewhere in John’s mind, he managed to justify what he was doing as the right thing – he figured that if he had been dumped, he’d want Roger. 

“Let’s go for a walk.” John signed, trying to keep his face as positively neutral as possible. 

_Are you joking? We’re rehearsing._ Roger signed angrily. John gave him a somewhat cheeky smirk, hoping to hide his fear at how angry Roger seemed to be getting. 

“Are we? Am I holding a bass? Are you holding drumsticks?” He questioned, turning back to where Brian and Freddie were standing, before looking back to Roger. “Brian’s the only one who looks about ready to rehearse – which means it’s the perfect time for us to go for a walk. Yeah?” John asked, eyes flicking up and down Roger’s hunched over frame. He noticed how Roger had moved from tightly pursing his angry mouth, to toying his bottom lip between his teeth – his whole face much less tightly wound. “Let’s go.” John stated simply, beginning to walk away. He continued walking, hoping he wasn’t doing so in lonesome, like a right idiot. Luckily, he heard gentle footsteps running to catch up to him just as he was exiting the auditorium. He continued walking, Roger beside them. It was lacking conversation, and a little awkward, but John figured it was a prime opportunity for Roger to calm down. They eventually reached a small picnic area, and John sat quickly on the bench, gesturing for Roger to sit. 

_I thought we were going for a walk?_ Roger questioned, sitting with much reluctance. 

“I know I said that… but we can’t walk and talk at the same time.” John explained, receiving a small scour from Roger. 

_I don’t want to talk._ He signed bluntly, the anger slowly creeping back into his face. 

“Why not?” John asked, a small frown on his face. It was almost as if this moment of vulnerability from John seemed to calm Roger, as his lips loosened somewhat, and his fists unballed a little. 

_I’m not good at talking about how I’m feeling._ Roger signed, appearing to use all of his willpower to maintain eye contact with John. 

“Sure you are, Rog. You’re great at talking about when you’re happy – this isn’t any different. Just talk to me?” John said sweetly before placing a tentative hand on Roger’s knee. 

_Talk to you about what – we broke up._ Roger signed, eyes not shifting to John’s hand. 

“Why?” John asked carefully, trying to make sure his face read nothing but caring. Roger took a big breath, as if he was about to speak a long sentence. Roger often did that when he was about to sign something complicated, and John wondered if that was some sort of learnt behaviour from his hearing and speaking parents, who such large breaths applied to. 

_We just don’t get each other. We come from two completely different worlds – being deaf and… well – still deaf. Just, deaf differently; and it’s not like it’s a case of learning about each other, like I guess I would if I dated a hearing person… we’re both so stuck in our ways, and equally protective of our own way of being deaf that I think it’s too tough of a mould to crack._ Roger signed quickly and with ample emotion in his face. John watched carefully, piecing together parts of the conversation in the context they were in – but he was still left a little confused. 

“I’m not sure I understand what the actual problem is Roger.” John said carefully, not wanting to have to see the anger in Roger’s eyes again. 

_I thought both being deaf would mean that we just got each other – but meeting his family just made me realise how different we really are; and I think we’re both so caught up in the way we’ve lived as deaf people for so long that I don’t think we can fix it._ Roger explained, John feeling like he had a little more introspect now that Roger had done so. _I’m also really stubborn._ Roger added, his gaze falling away from John for a moment. When he did look back up, John could see the wetness of his eyes

“Rog. It’s not your fault.” John muttered. “Did Peter say…” He asked nervously, only to be cut off by Roger quite quickly. 

_Oh no, god no. I just… I think if I wasn’t so set in my ways that maybe we could have worked something out._ Roger admitted, the tears in his eyes becoming more prevalent as he continued to converse with John. John still didn’t dislike Peter – Roger had still given him no reason to dislike him; but, in that moment, John felt so responsible for sticking up for Roger that none of that mattered. 

“But Peter could just have easily compromised - it isn’t just up to you.” Roger began signing in reply almost immediately, like he knew exactly what John was going to say.

_It’s different, John. His whole family is deaf – it’s his whole world. Being deaf is his whole world._ John stayed silent for a brief moment. 

“And for you?” He asked, not wanting to pry - but knowing it was something he did quite well. 

_It might be stupid to think… but I don’t think being deaf is my everything. I know it’s the first thing people learn about me and it’s usually a pretty big road block in any conversation, but I like to think that so many other things make up who I am because my entire life isn’t being deaf. In fact, because you all know sign language and we just talk like it’s normal and whatever, it’s really this tiny, tiny part of who I am. His whole life has been influenced by the way he’s had to live because of his family… and I just didn’t get it. I figured that being around them would make everything feel right. I thought that I was finally going to have a place that I fit in – but it just made me realise that I don’t fit in anywhere. I thought I was going to be like the ugly duckling finding his swan family, but I felt even uglier._ By the time Roger had finished, singular tears were running down his face, and John himself had to curb his own emotions for Roger’s sake – but the way he ‘spoke’ made John’s heart ache. 

“You couldn’t be ugly if you tried Roger.” John said gently, with a sweet smile. It seemingly worked, as in the moment of motionless silence, Roger gave John a fairly wide smile. 

_I knew you thought I was pretty._ He signed, sniffling back more tears. John grinned, thinking back to when he and Peter had first met. When John had been so nervous and downtrodden about Peter that Roger’s typical little comments as such had John melting down where he stood. He thought about how far they’d come, in just a few months – he was glad this whole band this was working out better than he’d expected. 

“What you gonna do about it – kick my ass yourself.” John quipped; Roger sat up straighter as if to square up, causing before men to chuckle heartily. After they had both calmed down and returned to neutral postures and expressions, John looked at Roger, his eyes scanning him up and down. “You know you fit in with us, Roger – right here, in Queen. I can’t think of a place where you fit better, in fact.” John signed, a genuinely wide smile on his face. Roger gave him a smile and a small nod. 

_I know… I just sometimes get worked up about how you three just get on so effortlessly – and when we’re talking about songs, and writing, and the album… there’s this whole field of conversation I’m not a part of. Usually it doesn’t bother me but… I don’t know, sometimes it just niggles at that little part of me until I snap._ Roger explained. John felt a pang of guilt in his chest. 

“Roger; I’m so sorry that we’ve ever made you feel that way – I can speak for Brian and Freddie when I say that we value your opinion so much.” He signed confidently. 

_I know._ Roger responded meekly. A short silence fell between them, before John made efforts to speak up. 

“Are you going to be okay, Roger?” John asked quietly, his hands moving in the same, careful manner. Roger gave him a sweet smile – almost thankful, before nodding. 

_Yeah – I’m going to be alright… you think I haven’t been through a breakup before?_ Roger gave him a teasing smile, causing John to chuckle again. _Thanks, Deaky – you’re such a great friend... and I mean that, you nervous loon! We’re friends – great friends._ Roger grinned, before nudging John gently, receiving just an eye roll from the younger man. 

“Yeah, yeah – whatever; can we go inside now?” John asked, a wide grin on his face. 

_Do you think we could stay out here for just a second?_ Roger asked, his face almost nervous. _I think I just need a few more minutes of peace before having to face… well, Freddie._ He chuckled. John nodded with a smile on his face. 

“’Course we can, Roger. Just say the word and we can go back inside.” John grinned, watching as Roger’s face grew to a cheeky smirk. 

_And what word is that? I don’t have a very sizable reserve of words I can say properly._ Roger smirked, causing John to roll his eyes. 

“The only words I’ve ever heard you say are when you told Brian to ‘fuck off’.” John grinned, causing Roger to chuckle. “So, maybe that can be the word.” John teased, receiving a swift and joking nod from Roger. John knew Roger didn’t like talking, so he’d never say anything, but John liked Roger’s voice – a lot. Despite only having heard it once, he thought about it more than should be considered natural of a friend – especially in their circumstances. It was high and sweet, and sounded a little croaky, which John attributed to the way most people sounded after they hadn’t spoken in a while. 

**_I told you, Brian. I’m doing just fine. I’m passing every class except for Diffusion and Osmosis, but Peter is helping me with it._ Roger signed, almost desperately. They were sat – all five of them – around Brian and Roger’s small dining table while Brian and Roger had another one of their uni-related brawls. **

**“First of all – no offense Peter – but, he’s an accountant; not sure what he knows about diffusion and osmosis, but whatever… Second, just because you’re passing the class doesn’t mean you understand what’s being said in the lecture.” Brian rebutted, his tone clearly fed up after the previous half-hour they’d been bickering for.**

**_What does it honestly matter? The band is doing great, we’re not going to need to worry about all that crap come this time next year._ Roger quipped back. **

**“You can’t keep banking on that possibly. What if you lost a hand tomorrow? You’re not going to be much of a drummer with one hand and no hearing.” Brian sassed him, his hands moving rigidly as they coiled tightly into each sign.**

**_Not sure I’d be much of a biologist with one hand and no hearing._ Roger signed, a sassy smirk on his face; causing Brian to groan. **

**“Roger – grow up. It’s great that you’re passing, but you need to speak to your professors – sooner rather than later.” He said, his voice angry despite Roger not being able to hear it. John had all but completely tuned out of the conversation until Roger stood up and appeared to lean over the table. John and Freddie glanced over, likely both to make sure that Roger wasn’t strangling Brian; but rather, he gripped the taller man’s shoulders tightly.**

**“Fuck off.” He spoke. John was so taken aback; he was surprised he didn’t choke on his own tongue. It was nowhere near perfectly pronounced, but the fact that anything even remotely resembling words had come out of Roger’s mouth, was damn near freaking John out. He watched as Brian rolled his eyes with clearly gritted teeth, but he didn’t protest any further. John was later informed that if Roger went to the trouble of verbalising something – which he near despised – that it was a good idea to lay off of it.**

John glanced down at Roger, who was slowly moving to sit so that he and John’s bodies were parallel to one another. His eyes were shut and he wore a peaceful smile on his face. Roger moved to rest his head on John’s shoulder. The way the late spring sun was beating nicely on where they sat, made John want to do the same – get even cosier, perhaps; but he settled for placing a comforting hand on Roger’s knee, giving the older man a gentle squeeze, almost in an attempt to remind him that everything was going to be okay. Even without glancing down, he could feel the way Roger’s hand carefully moved to sit on top of his. At that point, he wasn’t thinking about how opportune the moment was for him and Roger – he just thought about how glad he was to be Roger’s friend, and to be there for him. They remained like that for a while, long enough that if it wasn’t for the occasional fidget, John might have thought Roger had fallen asleep. 

“Are you too quite alright out here? You know you’re in a rock band, not a rom-com?” The voice was shrill and bitchy, John didn’t have to turn around to know it was Freddie standing a few metres behind them – he figured Brian was probably with him, judging by the small chuckle he heard. John lifted the arm opposite Roger up to flip Freddie off. He hadn’t missed the teasing from Freddie about he and Roger unfortunate situation, and he wasn’t quite ready for it to potentially begin again now that Roger was single. He was content for the moment, just being there for Roger – as a friend.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the crazy delays in updating - between work and uni, my butt is well and truly being kicked. I found some time to write this chapter, which I kind of like? I don't know; is that weird to say? Anyway, enjoy! Let me know what you think - as always, you comments are fan-dabby-dozy, you know? I will reply to comments when I get the chance; I'm sorry! Just know, I so absolutely read and cry at all of them - just never find the time to reply ahhhh. Appreciate you all so much! 
> 
> Much love, Ava :) x

After rehearsals, Roger had asked John and Freddie back to the apartment, despite Brian’s claims that he had an exam to study for.

**_Please, Brian; we’ll stay in the lounge room and be really quiet. You won’t even know we’re there._ Roger pleaded; Brian just gave him a look, eyebrows raised and lips pursed. **

Obviously, once Freddie joined in, there was little Brian could do; and when John sided with the two of them, Brian resigned completely.

**”You won’t even need astrophysics when you’re a famous rock star.” John teased, leading to Roger gripping him happily and enthusiastically by the shoulders, nodding excitedly.**

So, there they sat around the dining table, Brian definitely not doing any studying.

“Are you feeling better, Roger?” Freddie asked quietly, before picking up his cup of tea.

 _Yeah; I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me._ Roger replied, his expression a little sombre.

“You say that… but you were silent for the better part of the day. That’s very unlike you – you didn’t even annoy us – once!” Freddie reasoned, smirking as he wrapped his affection and teasing into one.

“We were concerned.” Brian added quietly, causing Roger to look in his direction.

 _You don’t have to be. I promise; I’m a big boy – I can look after myself._ Roger signed, rolling his eyes and huffing as he did so.

“You’re not really that big.” Brian said quietly, smirking at Roger, who poked his tongue out at his roommate. “So, now that you’ve invited everyone over and pretty much forbade me from studying… what do you intend on doing?” Brian asked Roger, eyeing him with false interrogation.

 _I don’t know. I thought we could just hang out._ Roger signed, standing from his seat at the table. _May be a good idea to have one last night of hanging out before Freddie starts working us to the bone over this album._ Roger smirked, looking at Freddie who was rolling his eyes.

“I’d like to think you want this album to happen just as much as I do, dear. So, shut up.” Freddie teased. Roger shook his head fondly as he ventured to the living room. The remaining three shared slightly confused glances before slowly going about standing up also and following Roger to the lounge room. Despite the confusion on their faces, such instances as this were not uncommon. Roger was not particularly one for voicing his plans and thoughts before going about them, meaning he would often action something without so much as a head movement. Because calling after Roger as he was walking away wasn’t a simple task, they more often than not, just followed Roger and hoped they weren’t being led to their demise. They made their way to the living room, all scattering to find seats around the coffee table. Roger had gone to get the Scrabble board and a heated four-way game soon unearthed from the relative calm. It wasn’t until one of John’s turns had just passed and he allowed him to dissolve his focus on the game for a moment, that he noticed a bright flash coming from the kitchen. He watched as Roger finished his turn, and leant over to gently grip his lower thigh. Roger glanced over at him casually.

“Your phone… thing is ringing.” John said softly, causing Roger to forcibly push himself from the couch towards the kitchen. John watched as he peered down at the machine, brows knitted together.

 _It’s Peter._ Roger signed before glancing back at the machine, his eyes darting from side to side. _He’s asked me to meet at his place to talk._ Roger signed, a small and uncertain frown on his face. Their game had very abruptly ended – like half a word placed on the board before everyone collectively abandoned their literary war. It seemed the general consensus was – rightfully – that Roger’s relationship was more important.

“Are you going to go?” Freddie asked quietly, looking almost as uncertain as Roger did.

 _I don’t know._ Roger signed before looking down at his feet. John kept his eyes on Roger, hoping that the older man was not having some sort of emotional turmoil over his break up. He remained like that until Roger looked up and made direct eye contact with John, his lip being gnawed at between his teeth. _I don’t know._ He repeated, eyes locked so strongly on John that John could feel himself getting nervous. Was Roger waiting for his reply? Why did it matter? If Roger wanted to go see his ex-boyfriend, he should; and if he didn’t, then so be it.

“If you want to go, Roger… you should. We’ll wait here for you until you come back.” John signed tentatively, still second guessing the intensity with which Roger cared what John had to say. There was a beat of motionless, in which John and Roger never broke eye contact. It wasn’t until Brian cleared his throat obliviously, that John glanced back and forth for a second, only to notice Roger ready to speak.

 _I think I want to stay here._ He signed, glancing over at John to seemingly gauge his reaction. _I’ll catch up with him some other time… it’s all a bit too fresh, anyway._ Roger admitted, diverting his eyes in seeming embarrassment. John couldn’t help but grin at how timid Roger looked. Roger typed a seemingly short reply and slowly made his way back to the couch, slotting himself in between Freddie and John. John still couldn’t get around how Roger so desperately wanted to be close to people. It was something he personally detested, so much so that he couldn’t imagine someone enjoying it as much as Roger seemingly did. Still, he didn’t absolutely resent the way Roger liked to touch and grab at him to get his attention; or the way Freddie manhandled him when he got too excited about something. In fact, the way Roger was pressed against his side would have had him almost excited, if it weren’t for the way Roger’s leg was bouncing uncontrollably, and his hands fiddling with one another. John, against every fibre of his being, reached over to gently grab Roger’s anxious hands. Roger immediately looked over at him.

“Are you okay?” John mouthed, making sure it was clear, seeing as their hands were busy touching. Roger nodded tentatively; John could see the less than happy expression he wore. _If you want to go to see him – then go. Don’t let yourself be miserable here because you think you have to stay._ John signed, not wanting to verbalise and draw too much attention to how Roger was feeling – at least that’s how he personally would have liked it.

 _It’s not that I desperately want to go. I just… I don’t want to go… and I feel guilty about it._ Roger admitted. _It’s not exactly fair to dump someone and then try to ignore them._ Roger continued.

 _You dumped him?_ John asked, his brows raised with surprised. Roger nodded a little.

 _It was pretty mutual… but I initiated it._ Roger explained glancing at Freddie and Brian to see them engulfed in their own conversation. _I thought about how if I stayed with him and we settled down, I’d just become like them. They are so stuck in their ways and in their comfort zones; I like being challenged by all this. Meeting you and being at square one with someone again, and having to figure it out all over again was so infuriating… but it was challenging and worth it. I found myself getting suffocated just at the thought of settling down to have a silent existence._ Roger explained, and John could see how he became visibly wound up at the sentiment. _The way they live isn’t bad… but it’s not me._ Roger signed; John’s face grew to wide smile.

“I know that, Roger.” John chuckled, receiving a small and relieved smile from Roger. He visibly released a breath as he leant over further to rest his head on John’s shoulder. After a beat of motionless, he pulled back again.

 _I’m sorry I touch you so often. I forget you don’t like it._ Roger signed, tentatively. John couldn’t help but grin.

“It’s okay… I’m learning to like it.” John said softly. It was mostly a lie, but as Roger leaned back on him, John figured he could definitely get used to it.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~

They had long disregarded the Scrabble board still on the coffee table, and Brian, John and Freddie were sitting at the dining table talking about some lyrics and melodies. They had invited Roger, but he was tired and seeming to get a little cranky, and was quick to turn them down.

**_Do I get to hit things? Then I’m not interested – proceed without me._ **

At this point, they’d been working on a new song Freddie had written for about an hour, until Brian had executively called it a night on the song writing.

“Do you want me to take you home while I’m dropping Freddie off?” Brian asked, looking down at John. John glanced up at Brian and then briefly at Roger, who appeared rather oblivious to the conversation. On one hand, Roger looked tired, and over all the interaction; but John really didn’t want to leave. He liked quiet nights in at Roger and Brian’s apartment more than he cared to admit, and after not having Roger around for three days, he was craving some more conversation with him.

“I think… I think I’ll stay a little longer if that okay with you guys.” John said softly, glancing back at Roger for a moment. “I can get a train home later… so you don’t have to drop me off.” John mumbled, eyes not shifting from the blonde man, curled up on the sofa, watching a subtitled film that John had never seen. Brian’s gaze shifted between the two of them, before he smiled sweetly.

“Yeah; ‘course.” He whispered. “I’ll be back in about half an hour – did you want me to bring anything back?” Brian asked, as he felt through his pockets for the keys. John shook his head.

“I’m fine, thanks.” John said softly, watching as Brian shuffled to lean over the back of the couch. He reached down to gently run a hand through Roger’s hair, causing him to turn back around.

“Do you have the keys?” Brian signed, his voice a melodic whisper. Roger reached into his jeans and pulled out the keys to the van. “I’m just taking Freddie home, okay?” Brian signed; John could just see the sickly sweet grin that Brian wore, and it was moments like these that John still couldn’t quite fathom how Brian and Roger hadn’t at least tried to make whatever it was they had, work.

 _Is John leaving?_ Roger signed, his slow movements matching his sleepy face. Brian shook his head slowly.

“John’s going to stay a little longer – is that okay? If you want to go to sleep, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.” Brian began, but Roger was already shaking his head before he had finished. John couldn’t help but grin widely at the fact that Roger had very much wanted him to stay. He was hoping that neither of them would look over, because his beet red face would have given away far too much about how he was feeling. Freddie said his overdramatic goodbyes, rambling about the album and rehearsals and how they needed to add some more practice time, before Brian thankfully ushered him out the door. Once the flat was empty and far more silent, John slowly made his way to the couch.

“What are you watching?” John asked, trying to stand in a spot that allowed Roger to see him signing without completely blocking the TV.

 _Catch 22. It’s the only tape we have that has subtitles so it’s the only film I watch at home._ Roger signed. John couldn’t help but smile at the way Roger was bundled up on the couch, looking positively adorable, and even smaller than usual. _Have you seen it?_ He asked, looking up at John through thick lashes. John shook his head slightly. _Do you want to watch it? I don’t mind starting it again._ Roger grinned, already pushing himself off the couch to restart the tape.

“I just need to use the bathroom – I’ll be right back.” John said softly, receiving a distracted nod from Roger. John made his way to the bathroom, doing what he needed to do before returning to the living area. Roger was back bundled up on the couch, the film in the process of its pre-roll. John moved slowly to sit in the arm chair, only to be stopped by Roger’s hand jutting out from the blanket to grab his pant leg.

 _You have to lay on the couch. I got you a blanket and everything._ Roger signed before gesturing to the other side of the sofa, where there was an empty space and a fuzzy brown blanket that made John’s heart flutter a little. He nodded and moved to curl up on the other side of the couch. The movie began and the two watched in silence for a little while, Roger occasionally nudging at John with his foot to explain something “crucial”; but it didn’t take long for John to nod off, completely exhausted from his long day.

Brian rang the doorbell as he was coming through the door. It had become something he did often now they had the flashing doorbell; before he would scare the daylights out of Roger when he would “mysteriously appear” in the house. Roger was already looking towards him as he entered, his hand travelling quickly to his lips in a “shh” motion. Brian gave him a confused look – he’d never seen Roger tell him – or anyone, more that matter – to shush, presumably because it didn’t matter to him. But, as he reached the couch, he saw the way John was curled up asleep, and he shot Roger a sweet smile.

“Cute.” He muttered, smiling between the two of them.

 _He’s mine._ Roger signed, his brows furrowed in false anger.

“Rog; he hasn’t been yours for like three months. You can’t dibs him, and then date someone else and expect that dibs to still count.” Brian chuckled, causing Roger’s fake angry expression to become a little more real.

 _You can’t date John._ Roger signed, his movements rigid to match his angry expression.

“I don’t want to date John.” Brian laughed, shaking his head. “I’m just reminding you that you had a boyfriend this time yesterday, and maybe John’s not interested in being a rebound.” Roger rolled his eyes at Brian, about to raise his hands to speak before Brian continued. “He’s young, and naïve… and easy to take advantage of. Remind you of anyone?” Brian questioned. “Just slow down for a second, Romeo.” Roger turned back away from Brian for a second before turning back to him.

 _You’re a buzzkill._ Roger stated.

“I know.” Brian chucked. “Are you going to wake him?”

 _Can he stay over?_ Roger asked, glancing at the younger man on the opposite side of the couch.

“If you sleep in your own bed.” Brian teased.

 _You act like I’m some kind of sexual deviant._ Roger signed, faking annoyance. Brian raised one eyebrow at him, smirking, only to have the pillow behind Roger’s head thrown at him.

“Go to bed.” Brian muttered, a fond smile on his face.

 _The movie isn’t finished yet._ Roger reasoned.

“You’ve seen it!” Brian quipped back, chuckling.

 _Whatever._ Roger teased, getting up to walk past Brian on the way to his bedroom. He stopped in front of Brian and let his face fall into the taller man’s chest, pressing the side of his head close enough to hear his heart. Despite their bickering just seconds prior, Brian instinctively wrapped his arms around Roger, gripping him tightly. After a short moment, Roger pulled away, looking up at Brian. “Goodnight.” He mouthed.

“Goodnight.” Brian whispered, giving Roger a gentle kiss on the forehead before releasing his grip on the younger man.

 

~~~~~~~~~

John awoke the next morning to the feel of a chilly breeze washing over him. He looked around, taking a moment to gather his bearings on the room he recognised as – not his dorm room. It only took a few seconds to remember the night prior, and realise he’d likely fallen asleep at Roger and Brian’s. Furthermore, it also only took a moment to realise just how cold the breeze travelling around him was. He sat up, now able to see Roger’s body hunched over on the balcony. There was fogginess coming from his mouth, and John wasn’t entirely sure whether it was because it was freezing outside, or if he was smoking. John lifted himself from the couch, removing the blanket as he pottered to the balcony door, letting a gentle hand graze Roger’s back. Roger turned to see the thin figure, moving over slightly to allow John space to get through the balcony door.

“Morning.” John mumbled, sitting beside Roger.

 _Morning._ Roger signed. They sat in motionless silence for a little while, both likely too cold and not yet awake enough to process conversation. After a little while, John watched as Roger held out his newly lit cigarette to John, who looked at it pensively. _Don’t smoke?_ Roger signed, careful not to flick ash around with his hand movements.

“Not regularly.” John mumbled, receiving a small chuckle from Roger.

 _Probably a good thing – healthier that way… but do you want one?_ Roger signed, a small grin forming on his face as John nodded and he handed the cigarette over. John took a gentle inhale, holding his breath for a moment before exhaling calmly, smoke pillowing before him. _Not as straight and narrow as we all thought you were._ Roger chuckled. _Well… never thought you were straight._ Roger tease, giving John a wink. John rolled his eyes at Roger, smiling wide and genuine. _You know what I really like about you, John?_ Roger asked before lighting himself another cigarette..

“What?” John said softly, his cheeks flushed bright red.

 _That everything you do is for someone else. You’re the most thoughtful person I’ve ever met._ Roger signed; John could feel his cheeks becoming even hotter, to the point he was sure Roger could feel the heat radiating from them. 

“Thank you, Roger.” John whispered, his signing even more awkward than usual with the cigarette betwixt his digits.

 _You know what my least favourite thing about you is?_ Roger continued, a soft smirk on his face. John felt his stomach immediately curl into knots; he wasn’t sure he wanted to know what Roger disliked about him, in case the answer was ‘everything else’.

“What?” John said tentatively, his voice now a nervous mumble and his hands a little shaky.

 _That everything you do is for someone else._ Roger signed, still smirking; John looked at him a little taken aback. _When was the last time you did something just because you wanted to?_ John thought about it for a moment; the most obvious example that stood out to him was three months ago, when he joined Queen. It had nothing to do with his degree, and wasn’t exactly the kind of extra-curricular that would have made his mother proud, but he did it because he wanted to – and it turned out to be the best decision he’d ever made. For a multitude of reasons, in fact – not only had be made three of the best friends he could ever recall having; but also, for the first time since it had all transpired, he genuinely thought Queen had even a smidgen of a chance of making it. Before John could even fully process Roger’s question long enough to answer, Roger continued. _What do you want; right this second? If you could have or do anything – it has to be for you, not someone else._ Roger questioned seriously, now having to turned completely to look directly at him. John looked back at him; at the care and intensity in his bright blue eyes. If John was being completely and utterly selfish – which he tried to refrain from being – he would have – against all better judgement and self-awareness – launched himself across the small space between them and kissed Roger harder than he’d ever kissed someone before. But, it didn’t take a genius, or a deaf person with good intuition, in Roger’s case – to see that, despite the convincing cover-up, Roger was hurting – a lot. John made himself promise – admittedly, to himself – not 12 hours before that he would be there as Roger’s friend because that’s what he needed. It didn’t matter that Roger was almost literally telling him to go for it – Roger didn’t know that was what he wanted. Before he let himself get completely engulfed in the turmoil he was facing, he let himself focus on the smaller man.

“I don’t know what I want.” John lied, receiving a frown from Roger.

 _How? There’s absolutely nothing you want? Nothing that you want regardless of how it effects other people and whether you could realistically have it?_ Roger questioned, getting more enthusiastic as he spoke – to the point it made John giggle a little.

“I don’t know!” John chuckled loudly. “A million dollars?” He teased, watching as Roger rolled his eyes. “What about you? What do you want right this second, regardless of how it makes everyone else feel?” John asked, crossing his arms, careful not to let the lit cigarette touch his shirt.

 _Oh, lots of things. For Queen to make it big; a relationship with my parents; to fall in love with someone who loves me despite the weird limbo that I exist in._ Roger rambled before his far too emotionally charged eyes made strong contact with John’s. There was a beat of silence; the air between them thick with cigarette smoke, and something far deeper beneath the surface. _But that’s easy for me to say – I’m selfish… you’re not._ Roger muttered, their motionless eye contact never fading.

“I don’t think you’re selfish, Roger – I think you’re a man who knows exactly what he wants. You want to be a rock star… and you want a love that you deserve.” John grinned softly, receiving one in return from Roger. “That’s not selfish – everyone deserves that.” John added.

 _Is that what you want?_ Roger asked, almost a little tentatively – far more nervous than his usual Roger-ness.

“Isn’t that what everyone wants?” John muttered, causing Roger to nod softly. John glanced at Roger once more before flicking his cigarette away, letting what was left of it float down to street level.

“Is he corrupting you?” Brian said softly, causing John to turn around to source his voice. He stood there, boxer-clad and clearly half asleep. The surrounding movement had caused Roger to turn around to Brian, giving him a small grin. “I hope you’re not encouraging John to smoke.” Brian signed, before running a hand through his messy hair.

 _I asked; he said yes. Totally consensual – not pressuring at all. He’s just naughtier than we first thought._ Roger smirked, giving John a teasing nudge.

“Alright – then, may I ask why you two are awake at half-six on a Wednesday.” Brian asked, his face displaying his clear frustrations at being awoken so early.

 _We’re just hanging out._ Roger smirked, turning back around as Brian rolled his eyes and puttered off in the direction of his bedroom. Roger turned back to John. _What were we talking about? Oh yeah… what is it you want, John?_ Roger repeated. You; you’re what I want, John thought.

“I don’t know. I’m young; how am I supposed to know what I want… and why are you being philosophical at not even seven in the morning?” John asked, getting a little flustered at Roger’s pestering.

 _I don’t know; I just want to know you’re happy, John._ Roger signed, causing John to frown. John didn’t even think to answer his question.

“Are you happy, Roger?” John asked, eyeing him worryingly.

 _I don’t know… but I know I will be._ Roger signed before looking back out over the openness of their balcony. He flicked away his cigarette before they both allowed the welcome nothingness. They remained like that for a while – probably five or ten minutes, before John felt a small pressure on his hand. He glanced down to see Roger carefully weaving his hand around John’s to slowly interlock their fingers. His smile widened; it wasn’t that they didn’t hold hands on occasion – but there was something far more intimate about the way Roger was feeling out his slender hand as he did so that had John’s heart beat out of his chest. When Roger had gone about working their hands together, he glanced up at John to seemingly gauge his reactions. John shot him a short and sweet smile, and Roger returned it with a gentle squeeze.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, I have returned! Thank you for your patience. I have a few solid days off of work next week, so I will hopefully smash out a few chapters and maybe a couple of one shots. Speaking of which, I have just uploaded the first one shot of the universe, entitled I've Dibs-ed Him, which is just a short conversation regarding the dibs-ing scene in the last chapter. Would love if you could check it out and let me know what you think.
> 
> Much love, Ava :) x

As much as John enjoyed his early morning chat with Roger, he was beginning to regret it come the afternoon, when he strolled into rehearsals feeling far less than fresh. He has well and truly shagged – and not the good kind. 

“You look just delightful – rough day at uni?” Freddie smirked, watching John shuffle in with his bass. “You’re late – rehearsals started 35 minutes ago.” Freddie teased. John gave him a tired glare. 

“I feel like I haven’t slept in three years; I was not going to run here today – and I don’t appreciate being lectured about being late by you, of all people.” John said defiantly, placing his bass down and sitting on one of the chairs, shutting his eyes as he tipped his head back. 

“Fine. Regardless – thank you for gracing us with your presence, John. I have some wildly exciting news to share with everyone.” Freddie grinned, waving a subtle hand in Roger’s direction to inform him that he had to pay attention. “We – my dears – are recording an album… Friday.” Freddie grinned widely. The three of them all exchanged wide-eyed and surprised glances. 

“Friday? Fred; it’s Wednesday.” Brian stated, an expression of disbelief. 

“Yes – I knew you were the smart one.” Freddie teased, looking back between the three of them. “Are we excited?” Freddie smirked, glancing to Roger who was nodding quickly. “Good. 2 out of 4 is good enough for me.” He chuckled, moving to where his microphone was set up. “Well… chop, chop. I don’t care how tired you are. It’s not my fault some people were having a ‘moment’ at six this morning.” Freddie used quotations for dramatic effect, causing John to shoot Brian a look. Brian smiled back at him and winked. John felt his face rouge, and he hoped Roger wasn’t too aware of the conversation taking place. He glanced over to see Roger had a small smile on his face, and a similar tinge of blush across his cheeks. John felt himself calming down considerably as he picked up his bass. They rehearsed for a few hours, and surprisingly, it was Freddie who called it a night. 

“I say we celebrate!” Freddie announced, receiving less than excited looks from Brian and John. 

“You mean… at someone’s flat?” John questioned, hoping with every part of him that the answer would be yes. 

“Of course not, dear.” Freddie chuckled, nudging him gently. John just rolled his eyes and Freddie ushered them to pack up quicker, telling them they needed to get out while the night was still young. 

“Fred – it’s a Wednesday… I’m not sure where you think we’re going to be able to celebrate the way you’re thinking.” Brian chuckled as he loaded gear into the back of the van. They were now all standing outside, putting a few things away. Despite it being early spring, the air was brisk this time of night, and John was shivering where he stood. He was staring mindlessly at the ground, trying to focus on keeping himself warm, until he saw Roger’s feet in his line of vision. He looked up at the older man and gave a vacant grin. 

_Going to need some alcohol just to warm up._ Roger smirked, receiving a chuckle from John, who nodded in response. _Are you excited about the album?_ Roger continued, before folding his arms in front of himself, seemingly trying to keep warm. John gave him a small nod. 

“Not as excited as you and Freddie… but excited enough.” John chuckled, Roger frowning in return. 

_Well, I think you should get more excited then. Because, Deaky – you’re going to be a rock star._ Roger signed triumphantly. John was trying to find the joke in his ‘tone’, but he couldn’t; and settled on giving him a reluctantly smile and nod. John hadn’t actually concluded that he wanted to be a famous rock star; he absolutely loved playing music with Queen – he loved Queen especially, but he wasn’t sure how he felt out the over-complicating factors of “famous” and “rock star”. He was perfectly content with an electrical engineering degree, and three great friends he could play music and mess around with on the weekend – that was enough for him. 

“Just get in the car, Rog.” Brian mumbled, gripping Roger’s shoulder tightly. Brian and John made a moment of brief eye contact, in which it seemed that Brian could tell John was not as keen on “stardom” as perhaps the rest of them were. Roger rolled his eyes at the taller man and climbed into the van. Brian shot John a sweet smile before making his way around to the front seat. John climbed into the spot next to Roger, seeing as it was quite dark outside. Within seconds, Roger had made space in the crook of John’s arm; John had seen him do this with both Brian and Freddie, but this was the first time Roger had so unabashedly cuddled into John. They drove there quietly; Freddie was the only one talking – going on and on about recording their album, to the point that John found himself getting almost excited about it. When they reached the pub and Brian opened the back of the van, Roger was the first to file out, leaving John with a cool breeze where he had previously been. John followed closely behind, stepping out to notice they were not at the pub they usually frequented. He had vaguely heard Freddie giving occasional directions, but had thought nothing of it. Now, having heard some of the antics that Freddie often found himself caught up in, he was concerned for what lied behind the doorway he was being pushed towards. As they entered, the pub was far livelier that what John had expected for a Wednesday; music was pumping and bodies were everywhere. 

“Do these people not have jobs?” Brian chuckled. 

“Struggling artists; depressed university students – why do you think we’re here?” Freddie teased. “And all as camp as a row of tents – what bliss.” He smirked, nudging Brian. “You – my dear – need to get back out there.” He chuckled, pulling at Brian’s lanky limb to get him to venture into the crowd. 

“Freddie.” Brian chuckled, failing to sound as stern as he clearly wanted to. John was laughing at the way Freddie practically forced Brian into the midst of the chaos, until he realised that such event had left he and Roger standing alone in a bar far more flamboyant than John thought he could handle. 

_Drink?_ Roger signed, causing John to exhale in relief and nod quickly. Roger began walking towards the bar; John quickly reached out and gripped the back of his shirt, panicking that Roger might unknowingly disappear on him. As they walked, he felt Roger’s hand move to grip John’s at the small of his back. When they reached the bar, Roger leant over and held up two fingers; the bartender assuming he meant beers and moving to pour them. 

“Did you want me to pay?” John signed, knowing Brian and Roger had not been in great financial standings the last time they had spoken about it. Roger shook his head and grinned slightly. 

_Being a drummer in a rock band pays well, you know?_ Roger smirked, giving John a wink. 

“Wow, really; you’re a rock star? That’s so impressive.” John chuckled, batting his eyelids in a bashful and joking way, causing Roger to smile widely. The bartender placed the drinks in front of them and Roger gave him the money. As John went to reach for the one closer to him, he was abruptly stopped by Roger’s hand. 

_Nope – got to pay me first._ Roger smirked, lifting a single finger to tap his cheek. John’s eyes went wide; he was quite sure Roger was asking for a kiss on the cheek, but the whole progression of the event was making John’s brain spin. Thankfully, Roger seemed to notice this. _I was joking – it’s okay… I’m sorry._ He signed pensively. John shook his head slightly, slowly reaching for the drink once Roger had well and truly pulled his hand away. _C’mon – drink up._ Roger signed quickly; John could see how he looked a little nervous. He quickly lifted his drink to his lips, trying his best to drink as fast as Roger. Roger laughed at him as he finished, a trickle of beer running down the side of John’s chin. _I wouldn’t try and keep up._ Roger signed before grabbing the bottom of his shirt and using it to wipe the droplet of liquid before it hit John’s shirt. 

“Thanks.” John chuckled, “I’m glad I’ve got you to treat me like I’m six.” John teased. 

_You are, aren’t you?_ Roger smirked, nudging at him. John rolled his eyes and laughed softly. 

“You’re a dick.” John rebuts, a joking smile still on his face. He watched as Roger’s face lit up somewhat. 

_What did you say about my dick?_ Roger smirked. John felt his cheeks go bright red, and before he could stutter through a response, Freddie had moved to stand between, thrusting two more drinks into their hands. 

“I’m trying to get Brian drunk enough that he’ll have sex with someone.” Freddie chuckled, receiving a similar laugh from John. 

_Fat chance._ Roger signed with a huff, rolling his eyes before Freddie disappeared back into the crowd, presumably to find Brian.

They had been drinking well into the morning – and surprisingly, wherever Freddie had taken them, was still well and truly pumping. Thank goodness for Brian and his wisdom in only having two drinks, because Freddie had long abandoned getting Brian laid in favour of his own passions, and was absolutely nowhere to be seen; Roger was messily intoxicated, and John was certain that he was drunker than he’d ever been in his life. So much so that as he moved on the dance floor, the people and things around him weren’t exactly clear; a light haze clouding his otherwise good vision. It wasn’t until he spotted the mop of curls by the bar that he found his legs subconsciously moving towards Brian, and Roger who stood next to him. 

“You look done, John.” Brian said softly, an amused smile on his face. John nodded slightly, before Roger moved from the bar to slip a careful hand around John’s waist. 

_It’s too loud in here; come outside with me._ Roger signed, his hands moving slowly. John nodded just as slowly. 

“I have to use the bathroom – I’ll be right back, okay?” John mumbled, not signing due to his brain barely working well enough to speak. Roger shot him a confused look. “I need to pee.” John clarified. 

“You just go; I’ll sort him out.” Brian said sternly, waiting until John had ventured off the bathroom to turn towards Roger. 

“Roger.” He said angrily. “Don’t you dare, do this while you’re drunk.” Brian spat, his signing as angry as his voice. “That is not right – and you know that. It’s not fair – especially not to John.” Roger rolled his eyes and tipped his head back. 

_We clearly like each other. What’s the big deal?_ Roger signed. _You’re being a party pooper._

“The big deal is that you are taking advantage of John – you’ve gotten him drunk, and you know he’ll do what you say because he likes you. I get you’re not trying to be manipulative; but you’re drunk, and he’s drunk, and it’s not right. If you were sober, you’d agree with me; I don’t want hungover Roger to regret this tomorrow.” Brian said seriously, turning a few drunken heads as he lectured Roger. Roger groaned as he began to turn away. Brian gripped him by the wrist and pulled him back around, gripping the back of his neck. “Don’t.” He repeated, eyeing him seriously. He watched as Roger poked his tongue out, but gave him a soft and somewhat guilty smile. “Good boy.” Brian teased, letting go of Roger as John reappeared from the bathroom. 

“Ready?” John signed. Roger glanced at Brian before shaking his head slightly. 

_Why don’t we head home?_ Roger signed, a reluctant smile on his face. _Are you ready to go, Brian?_ He asked, receiving a quick nod from Brian. 

“Where’s Freddie?” John asked quietly, his words slurring slightly. Brian gave a brief chuckle and placed a hand on both of the smaller men’s back as he attempted to lead them out the door. 

“Just like we don’t get into fist fights for Roger, we don’t stay out partying for Freddie.” He stated simply; John was far too unaware of himself to answer. Once they were outside, the fresh breeze hit John smack in the face, and despite doing minimal to sober him up, he felt a little less like the world around him was cloudy. Brian ushered them into the van, putting Roger in the front seat as John climbed into the back. They drove home in relative silence; save for Brian occasionally telling Roger to stop signing because he couldn’t see him in the dark, or while he was driving. When they reached their apartment, Brian sent Roger upstairs with the key, muttering to John something about how he severely doubted Roger’s abilities at that point. John gave him a half-hearted chuckle as he was practically carried upstairs in his less than capable state. “You’re going to have a sore head in the morning.” Brian whispered, grinning. John gave him a small nod as they reached the open door. As they entered, John casually scanned the room for Roger, seeing nothing but his open bedroom door. “Bed?” Brian questioned, receiving another nod. His eyes remained locked on Roger’s bedroom as Brian led him to the couch where a blanket and pillow were still set up from last night. John didn’t put up much of a fight as Brian laid him down.

“Thank you, Bri.” John mumbled as he let himself relax into the cushions. He heard Brian chuckle softly and opened his eyes to watch the taller man disappear into Roger’s room. John eyed the light coming from the open door with such intent, barely blinking. As he watched Brian exit shortly after, he felt his heart beat quickening. He wanted to – so badly; and unlike usually, there was no part of him telling him it was a bad idea – the alcohol had shushed his sense of reason completely. John pushed himself from the couch, lifting his now drunkenly heavy limbs slowly as he inched closer to the door. He reached the source of the light and peered inside to see Roger standing in just boxers and a t-shirt, seemingly in the process of venturing to turn off the light. Their eyes connected and Roger cocked his head slightly in question. 

“Sorry.” John muttered, completely forgetting to sign. Either, Roger understood, or he was too drunk to care. “Can I sleep in here?” John said softly, watching Roger’s brows furrowed in focus on him. “Can I sleep in here?” He repeated; Roger’s eyes widened and he nodded quickly, but without expression. Without another second of thought, Roger flicked off the light, leaving them in contactless darkness. John heard Roger shuffle across the carpet to his bed, listening to it creaking as he climbed in. John tentatively made his way to where he was sure the bed was, lowering himself carefully, as to not sit on Roger. He quickly kicked off his shoes and began to lie down, feeling Roger’s hand on his arm immediately. As he laid down and stared a moment at the blackness, he thought about how he and Roger didn’t have to communicate at that point – which he was pretty content with. He and Roger could just be in each other’s space – which despite not being someone John was usually okay with – he liked the idea of it at this point. No need to work through awkwardly intoxicated conversations, or vocalise the internal pressures of lying next to each other. Just silence – it took no more than two minutes for a largely inebriated John to fall asleep.

~~~~~~~~ 

The next morning, John woke up to a bright flashing light jolting him worriedly awake. He glanced around to see Roger slowly rolled over, an angry look on his face. In that moment, John’s panic and confusion was washed away at the realisation that he and Roger had slept in the same bed. He heard a small groan as Roger reached over to hit the device on the table close to John before flicking the switch on the lamp beside it. John stared wide-eyed and blankly at him for a few seconds, until Roger returned back to his own side and glanced at the younger man.

 _Sorry. It’s my alarm clock; I forgot I still had it on for uni._ Roger signed, before rubbing his eyes. John shook his head slightly, adjusting so he was better facing Roger. 

“It’s fine.” He mumbled, before looking around a little uncomfortable, fiddling with the sheets that lay over the top of the both of them. 

_Are you okay? You know nothing happened last night, right? I didn’t-_ Roger stopped when he saw John profusely shaking his head. 

“I know I asked to come in here last night. It’s okay, Rog.” John said quickly, his signing a little dismal for so early in the morning. Roger nodded slightly. 

_I’m sorry about last night – I was such a mess._ Roger grinned. 

“Well, if you were a mess – I was practically dead.” John chuckled, receiving a similar sound from Roger. John couldn’t express how much he loved hearing Roger laugh. It wasn’t like everyone else’s – and maybe that was why he loved it so much. The way the tiniest of noises escaped his throat, accompanied by the breath of joy pushing from his lips, was enough to make John smile for hours. 

_You weren’t that bad._ Roger grinned, receiving a small scoff from John. 

“I asked to sleep in your bed – that’s bad.” John laughed, before seeing how Roger’s face dropped slightly. “Not… not that I didn’t want to – it’s just not something I would have the confidence to do sober.” John said and signed quickly. 

_So, you did want to?_ Roger asked a little tentatively. 

“Yeah.” John said softly, eyes grazing around everywhere but Roger’s. 

_I’m glad you asked._ Roger signed, a small grin on his face. John’s cheeks coloured a deep red, as he let out a nervous giggle. 

“I can ask next time I’m drunk if you’d like.” John grinned, receiving a quick nod from Roger. 

_Sounds like a plan._ He chuckled. John’s smile widened as his eyes finally found Roger’s. They stayed like that for a moment, and unlike he’d suspected, John didn’t feel awkward at all. It wasn’t until he felt a gentle weight atop his blanketed knee that he let his steely gaze break, glancing at Roger more casually. 

“Roger?” John asked quietly, hoping Roger knew what he was saying. 

_Can I kiss you?_ Roger signed, his hands a little shaky. John felt his heartbeat skyrocket, as if his entire ribcage had leapt out of his mouth and hit the roof. He could barely breathe, let alone sign; so, he resigned to a quick nod, hoping Roger wasn’t immediately turned off by how much of a psycho John was being. He managed to calm himself a little as Roger leant closer to him, his hands still shaking and clammy. As the older man neared closer, John couldn’t help but smile; he let his eyes fall shut and puckered his lips a little just as he felt the gentle warmth of Roger’s lips on his. John would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about kissing Roger, but he had never quite expected in like that – gentle and calm. He’s always expected kissing Roger to be a little manic and energetic – he certainly wasn’t complained. The pair remained motionless for a moment before he felt Roger’s head turn slightly; John did the same, feeling the other man grin slightly as their lips fit together perfectly. It was nothing too invigorating or passionate, but it was careful and sweet and it was the most perfect kiss John had ever had. As he pulled away, he and Roger locked eyes again, smiling at each other with near-literal hearts in their eyes. After a few moments the two of them broke their gaze and both laughed softly. 

“When I tell Freddie about this, he is going to be so excited he might throw up.” John signed, giggling

_I’m so glad I didn’t do that while I was drunk._ Roger smiled widely.


	15. Chapter 15

“Wait, wait; slow down – what happened?” Freddie said loudly, waving John off when the younger man become self-conscious of the bus patrons staring at the flamboyant man talking too loudly for 7pm public transit. 

“Just… quiet down; I don’t need all of the London underground knowing!” John whisper-yelled. 

“Knowing what, my dear?” Freddie smirked, clearly already knowing and simply wanting John to say it. 

“That Roger and I… kissed.” John whispered, going so far as to glance at potential onlookers before saying the word ‘kiss’. The pair was currently on their way to the studio to record their album. The original plan was for the four of them to meet at Brian and Roger’s and then take the van, but John was itching to vent to Freddie about what had happened yesterday morning.

“You’re saying it like you two bonked in Buckingham Palace.” Freddie chuckled, causing John to visibly grimace. 

“Please, Freddie; I’ve been freaking out about it all day.” John muttered, diverting his eyes to his lap, fiddling with the notebook in his hand. “I just feel like I… I shouldn’t have said yes – I shouldn’t have let him kiss me.” John mumbled, and he felt his lip quivering again – like it had whenever he’d thought about it that day. 

“Darling; why on earth are you crying about it? This is good thing, yes? This was the whole point.” Freddie grinned slightly, worry in his eyes. 

“I just… Roger broke up with Peter like… three days ago – I even told myself I wasn’t going to. God, I’m such an idiot.” John groaned, throwing his hands into the air. 

“Look, you drama queen. The only idiot you are, is an idiot in love… and that’s okay, my dear. I’m almost certain Roger feels the same.” Freddie replied immediately, placing a supportive hand on John’s forearm. 

“Almost…” John mumbled, as the bus came to a lurching stop. He stood quickly, walking off in silence, leaving Freddie to prance after him. 

“Now, c’mon; what’s the issue? You like Roger; Roger likes you; you kissed – I see no issues.” Freddie said dramatically, grabbing John’s hand as he marched off. “John – what is the big deal?” Freddie yelled, pulling him back to see the younger man’s tear stained cheeks. 

“Roger didn’t say he liked me – he just kissed me! That means nothing; what if it’s all just a distraction for how upset he is about Peter! He probably just wants to fuck around until he’s ready to get back with Peter.” John yelled through tears, the sudden explosion of emotion causing Freddie to take a small away in hesitation. 

“John-“ Freddie said softly, about to try and offer some sort of comfort. 

“No, Freddie; there isn’t anything you can say to magically make me feel better – this isn’t like every other time something bad happens! If Roger really did like me, why would he get with Peter in the first place?” John cried, occasionally sniffling back further tears. There was a beat of silence; apparently it was enough for John. “Exactly – he wouldn’t!” John muttered, almost angrily, before turning to continue walking. Freddie let out a hefty sigh and did a small jog to catch up to him. 

“John.” Freddie whispered. “Where on earth did all of that come from?” He asked quietly, seemingly not wanting to disturb a second explosion from within John. 

“It’s all I’ve been thinking about since yesterday morning.” John admitted, seeming to have calmed down a little. There was a short amount of silence as they walked – it seemed Freddie was thinking desperately about what to say; and John was desperately trying to avoid speaking at all. There was a quiet breath from Freddie, as if he was about to continue. “It’s whatever.” John pre-emptively interrupted. “Who honestly cares? Let’s go record this stupid album.” He muttered, turning to walk the few remaining metres to the studio doors. 

When he entered, he saw Roger and Brian sitting on a small sofa in a cramped hallway; he gave them a weak smile as he reached the space before him. 

“Thanks for getting Freddie here on time.” Brian chuckled; John shot him a fake chuckle as he looked around. 

“Can we go in?” John muttered, as Freddie arrived beside him, a little out of breath. 

“Yeah, the guy said to come through whenever you two got here.” Brian mumbled, sensing the tension in the air. John gave Brian a quick nod before practically marching through to the main area of the studio.

_What on earth was that about?_ Roger asked, standing from his spot on the couch. 

“I can’t tell you, because I haven’t the slightest idea.” Freddie gave them a convincing lie, before heading through the door John just had. As they entered, the room was lit up with a small studio space and a dimmer area full on controls – there was a slightly older, skinny man standing amongst said controls. “You must be Mark.” Freddie grinned, holding out his hand. “Freddie – we spoke on the phone.” He grinned, seeming more professional than any of them had ever seen him before. 

“Yes; I am – you must be Queen.” He chuckled, glancing around at the four rather oddly dressed college students. “Which one of you is Roger?” He asked quietly, his eyes focusing as the other three men gazed at Roger, who clearly didn’t make out a single word of what was being said. Mark looked towards Roger, giving him a sweet smile before preparing to speak. “So, we’re going to get you to go first…” He began, stopping with a slightly inquisitive look as Brian stepped in Roger’s view to begin signing. Roger simply chuckled at the older man’s expression and nodded at him to continue. “We’ll get you to go in first and lay down a track, instead of you trying to match everyone else. Can he keep a beat?” Mark said softly, saying the last part almost entirely to Brian. 

“I don’t know, Roger; can you keep a beat?” Freddie signed to Roger, a smirk on his face. Roger’s small smile grew a little cheekier, his eyes flicking up through thick eyelashes to the taller man in front of him. His hands moved around quickly, before settling on a position on his hips, looking sassier than ever. 

“He said, watch me.” Brian smirked, as Roger pushed past Mark and into the booth behind him. John couldn’t help but smile at him; the way he so unabashedly signed for someone who had no idea what he was saying, or the way he was just so confident and sure of himself. It was something John practically idolised. Mark’s eyes followed Roger as he walked back, his expression reading confused, but seemingly impressed. There was a moment that had John kicking himself, where he felt so overwhelmingly proud of Roger - as if Roger was his to be proud of. At that moment, the remaining three of them walked through to the control room; as Freddie walked past, he leant into Mark with a sweet smile. 

“He’s deaf - not dumb.” He grinned, giving him a playful wink. There was nothing threatening about the way Freddie said it, but it had definitely left Mark a little taken aback. When they reached the control room, Freddie took a seat right beside where it was clear Mark was going to sit, and John and Brian both found space on a small and old sofa at the back of the room. John could feel the anxiety in his chest, but he wasn’t at all sure why exactly it was making itself known so strongly. Was it because recording an album was a pretty big deal, and it was costing them a lot of money, so if John messed it up the others would no doubt be annoyed at him? Perhaps it was the less than calm conversation he and Freddie had, had on the way here, that had in no way been resolved before John stormed into the studio. Was it that John wasn’t even that sure that he wanted to be recording an album? Or, was it the way that Roger was sitting at the drums, adjusting things and getting himself comfortable, had John practically gawking at the older man. Despite the surmounting overwhelm, it didn’t take long for his train of thought to be rudely interrupted. 

“You okay?” Brian said softly from beside him. “You seemed so angry just before, and you’re acting real spacey - even more so than usual.” Brian chuckled, clearly trying to lighten the mood. 

“I’m fine.” John said softly, but his stare remained blank. “I’m just a bit tired, that’s all.” He lied, hoping Brian would just leave it. 

“Roger told me what happened.” Brian whispered, so that it remained a moment between just the two of them, Brian clearly knowing that Freddie would turn it into a moment far bigger than John wanted. John shifted uncomfortably, not particularly wanting to discuss the issue at hand, but feeling as if he likely didn’t have a choice. 

“He told you?” John muttered, as if it was a genuine question. Of course he’d told Brian; he and Brian were practically inseparable, and it had nothing to do with Roger’s reliance on Brian - they were just genuinely great friends. If it had only taken John 24 hours to tell Freddie, then it was more than likely that Roger had told Brian as John was leaving the flat not two hours after. 

“Yeah.” Brian chuckled. “While you were in the bathroom, about 20 minutes after it had happened.” He grinned. John couldn’t help but chuckle softly at the fact that his suspicions were entirely and immediately confirmed. 

“What did he say?” John asked, mentally kicking himself for letting himself get wrapped up in it all. He had to stop fantasising about it and face the likely reality: John was an easy rebound for Roger’s broken heart and endlessly horny everything-else. 

“Well, he didn’t say anything… Roger doesn’t really talk if you hadn’t noticed.” Brian smirked, clearly trying to make light of the tension that was radiating from John. Despite Brian’s efforts, all it was doing was stressing John beyond compare, that Brian was avoiding answering his question. “He just said that it happened, and that he liked it, and he thinks you did too.” Brian said casually, as if they were talking about the weather. “Did you?” He added, seemingly like he was trying to torture John into admitting how much he was infatuated with Roger. 

“Yeah…” John muttered. “I did.” He admitted, his eyes still gazing distantly into nothingness. 

“Then why are you so glum? Isn’t this what you wanted?” Brian chuckled. John groaned softly and let his head drop into his hands. 

“Why do you two keep saying that? I said I liked Roger; I’d love it if Roger liked me back, sure. But, I’m not interested in being anyone’s booty call, and considering Roger got out of a committed relationship three days ago, I’d say I’m not much more than that.” John said a little louder than he likely should have, seeing as Freddie and Mark both turned to glance at him. At this point, Brian went silent, causing John to turn to him. “You’re not saying anything because I’m right.” John said softly. “Right; aren’t I?” He muttered. 

“No.” Brian shook his head slightly. “I’m saying nothing because you’re clearly upset and you’re only getting more worked up the more we talk about it. Now isn’t the time, and if you want to continue this conversation after we’re finished here, then I’m all ears.” Brian spoke so calmly that it almost annoyed John. 

“Whatever.” John muttered, sitting back to rest his head on the wall behind the sofa. He shut his eyes and listened to the sound of Roger playing the drums behind the glass window. It was steady and methodical, and it actually helped to calm John down; the way that Roger’s beat didn’t sway or swerve - it was like John could depend on Roger’s beat to be there, regardless of how nuts everything else got. It was something that John hoped - if this whole music thing escalated beyond what he knew he was prepared for - would always be there. After almost an hour of listening to Roger drum, and then having Freddie give silent critiques, John was being pulled into the booth. He wished he cared more about being there - for the sake of the band and the rest of the boys - but he was so bummed out at that point that everything he was playing was so lack-luster. He could see how it was bothering Freddie - every constructive note he gave was entirely in vain, because it seemed to go in John’s right eye and immediately out his left by that point. 

“How about we lay down some guitar tracks - that way we can do some vocals.” Freddie said softly, like he was visibly trying not to explode at the young man in front of him. John gave an emotionless nod - not that he didn’t feel terrible for letting Freddie down - and moved back to the couch. He sat where Brian had been, next to where Roger had curled himself up in the - admittedly freezing - studio. 

_You okay?_ Roger said softly, brows furrowed in clear worry. John looked up at him, feeling such guilt at the way Roger was so worried about him; he knew he was behaving like a little brat. 

“Yeah - sorry.” He said softly, glancing over Roger subconsciously. He felt his mind wandering - to the morning prior, when he felt on top of the world; how he wished he could have stayed like that and not spent the last 36 hours overthinking what had happened. 

_Do you wanna go for a little walk?_ Roger signed, already sitting up in preparation to stand. John glanced back at where Brian and Freddie were quietly bickering. _Don’t worry; they won’t miss us._ Roger smirked as he stood, before holding his hand out for John. John glanced down at him and visibly swallowed, stalling for a moment before reaching his hand out and letting Roger take it in his. Roger pulled him carefully outside, to where it was dark and the air was near freezing, despite it being spring. 

“We have to be back to finish recording or Freddie will literally kill us.” John said quietly, trying to sign with his free hand. Roger just chuckled and waved him off as he started walking. 

_We won’t go far._ Roger signed, walking for barely a minute before stopping beneath a street lamp. John couldn’t help but smile; he was far sure Roger had decided to stop there so they could see each other and have a proper conversation, which John found very cute on Roger’s part. _Are you okay?_ Roger asked again, looking John once over as he finally released the younger man’s hand from his grip. John nodded, trying to look as sure as he possibly could. _I don’t believe you._ Roger chuckled breathily. John smiled back at him. 

“You don’t have to believe me.” John said quietly, before shooting Roger a quick grin and wink. He felt as the back of Roger’s hand collided with his upper arm. 

_There you go! There’s my John. C’mon buddy._ Roger signed; and John felt himself internally implode. For one, Roger had just called him ‘his John’, but he also called him buddy; which John felt was too overwhelmingly contradictory for his liking. John sighed heavily, trying to not let himself get too worked up over it all again. He glanced up at Roger, who was smiling at him with the sweetest - and what John felt was almost loving - look he’d ever received from someone, and he decided to just go for it. 

“Roger.” John whispered, forgetting to sign because his hands were so busy fiddling with each other. He raised them shakily. “Do you actually like me?” John signed, unable to focus his eyes on Roger’s. He watched as Roger’s smile grew. 

_Of course I do, John._ Roger signed back, his smile wider than John had ever seen. John fell silent – he knew what he wanted to ask; but he also knew exactly why he shouldn’t. It seemed in that moment, his filter was on vacation.

“Then why’d you date Peter?” John signed, almost immediately wishing he hadn’t asked such a question. The way Roger’s eyes darted to the floor for a few moments too long, made John feel even worse than he did before. John felt himself exhale a literal sigh of relief when Roger finally looked back up at him to answer.

_My mum and dad always said I’d be really lucky to find a deaf girl, and hopefully win her over enough to settle down._ Roger began, leaving John a little unsure where he was going. _They always said that it went completely against the norm to expect a hearing person to want to date me – both my parents have their hearing, mind you; they wouldn’t know the first thing about being deaf. They always talked about how the second I met a deaf girl, I should snatch her up… because it wasn’t so much a case of falling in love, as it was of convenience – of finding someone like me and getting out of the way of the abled bodied people trying to find love._ Roger signed seriously; John was hooked on every word he said, listening with as much intent and compassion as he could muster. _My parents never expected me to be gay – lord knows it bothers them to no end. But, the sentiment still stood; find another deaf person so that you have a chance of being put up with._ John could see the sadness and disgust in Roger’s eyes as he relived clearly less than positive memories. _I’ve never been one to listen to my parents; but that was something that stuck… I should be lucky to be with a deaf person – it’s as good as I’ll ever get._ John listened in silence; he didn’t even know how to begin going about answering Roger, who was divulging his clearly messy home-life to John on a dingy street corner. 

“Rog-“ John began, his attempts to interject very literally falling on deaf ears, as Roger powered on with his confessions. 

_I’m sorry that I made you think that I didn’t like you… I know it’s so stupid, but I told myself that it was unreasonable to think that someone like you – with all this endless romantic possibility – would genuinely want to end up with me… I’m disabled._ Roger signed, seeming to transform from sad to angry in the single sentiment, toeing his sneaker into the dirt beneath them with a rage-filled tears making themselves present . 

“What’s wrong with that?” John signed, taking a careful step closer to Roger. Roger eyes him with a raised brow. 

_What do you mean?_ He signed. 

“What’s wrong with being disabled?” John clarified, receiving a very clearly pissed off eye roll from Roger. 

_You’re so hilarious, Deaky._ He signed, turning as if he was about to walk away. John reached out to grip his arm tightly, pulling him back under the gentle illumination of the street lamp. John was rarely so forceful with Roger – it was usually the other way around – but, the circumstances seemed to call for it. 

“I’m serious, Roger. You can’t hear – so what? If that makes you disabled – so what? I could name a million things you can do – if anything, I’d say you’re more than able.” John smirked, receiving nothing but an eye roll from Roger. 

_John; you think Brian hasn’t given me this pep talk before – don’t bother._ He signed, seeming more fed up with John than he’d expected. Typically, such a reaction would have had John fleeing in a panic; but there was something about seeing Roger act so down on himself that had John desperate to continue.

“I will bother!” John said loudly, not that it mattered to Roger. “I will bother, because I don’t think it’s fair that someone as capable as you is subjected to the label ‘disabled’ and treated like you’re less than. You do all these things, and live your life in spite of being disabled – that’s impressive if you ask me.” John smiled triumphantly, only to be immediately shot down by Roger. 

_No one asked you._ Even though the words weren’t spoken, John could feel the poison in them, and felt his already fragile heart drop in his chest. 

“I- okay. I’m sorry, Roger. I really did want to help; I don’t like seeing you upset. You always do so much to make me feel better; I’m sorry I couldn’t do the same for you.” John signed, looking around a little awkwardly. “I think I’m going to pop back inside – I’ll meet you in there, yeah?” He continued, receiving a small and somewhat guilty looking nod from Roger. John turned to walk slowly back to the front door of the studio; he turned for a moment, to see Roger watching him leave. “Just for the record, Rog.” John signed, hoping Roger could see him well enough. “I never thought of you as disabled.” He muttered, before turning back around and continuing inside. 

When John returned, Brian was in the middle of recording a guitar solo, with Freddie giving near constant critiques that Brian seemed to be getting increasingly frustrated by. John made his way over to where Freddie stood just outside the booth. 

“I’m sorry for being so moody before – I can redo anything you want.” John muttered, face flushed in embarrassment. Freddie turned to him and flashed a quick smile. 

“Oh; don’t worry about it, darling. I think your track is fine – there are a few group things I want to try… have a bit of an experiment once Roger gets back.” Freddie grinned, looking a little too cheeky for John’s liking. In hindsight, John should have been more concerned; especially when they were still in the studio at quarter to four the next morning. They had been fiddling and messing around all night; John couldn’t deny however, that it sounded wicked. That being said, all John was thinking about come half-four, when they were finally packing up, was poor Mark, who had been dealing with them for the last eight hours. 

“Thank you so much for all your help.” John said meekly, as they were all gathering their things to exit. He felt bad for making him stay so late, especially for some wannabe rock band whom had ended up throwing a wallet full of coins around the room, and using the studio’s mop bucket as an instrument. 

“No worries… you’ve got a tight little demo coming along.” Mark replied, giving John a genuine smile. “And if that’s not enough, your drummer certainly will be.” He added, causing John to give him a slightly confused look. 

“What do you mean?” He said softly, eyeing the other men as they trickled out, making sure he wasn’t being left behind. 

“Your drummer – he’s a real talent; and the fact that he’s deaf is great publicity.” Mark grinned, eyes focused on Roger as he and Freddie had a signed conversation on the other side of the glass doors. John couldn’t do much more than nod; he wasn’t all that sure what the appropriate response to such a statement was. He knew that Roger’s abilities were impressive, but he’d never thought of them as some sort of publicity stunt – and he was near certain none of the others did. As the silence progressed, John found himself itching to exit the room, the tension in the air becoming thicker the longer he stood.

“Thanks, again.” John whispered, grabbing his note book from the table, before shuffling himself past Mark and towards the door. 

“Have a good night.” Mark called out. “Well… morning.” He chuckled. John returned his sentiment with a short nod as the doors shut behind him. He made haste in joining the others. 

“Ready?” Brian asked, as John reached their small circle. John was quick to nod, and Brian and Roger led them quickly to where the van was parked. As Brian opened up the doors, Roger moved immediately to stand beside the driver’s seat. 

_Can I drive?_ He signed, holding his hand out for the keys; Brian gave a quick chuckle. 

“Rog; it’s dark and late – deaf, blind and tired is not getting behind the wheel.” He smirked, receiving a small smile in return from Roger. 

_If I’m deaf and blind, what difference does it make that I’m tired._ Roger smirked back, causing Brian to roll his eyes. 

“In the back – now.” He chuckled, nodding his head towards the back doors of the van, where John was already sitting, seemingly staring into nothingness. It wasn’t until the hefty jolt of Roger plonking beside him had John actually looking up. 

“Hey.” John whispered; his lack of signing causing momentary confusion for Roger. Roger simply shot him an unsure grin before leaning in a little closer to John. 

_I wanted to apologise for being such a dick earlier – I guess I’ve never liked someone enough to actually get nervous about it._ Roger grinned, a little embarrassed. _Is this what you feel like, like all the time?_ Roger chuckled, quickly receiving a playful but sharp push from John. _Could we maybe pretend that I didn’t throw a complete tantrum out there and say that no one cares what you think? Because, I definitely care what you think – probably too much._ Roger signed quickly, as if he was rambling. 

“Roger.” John smirked, placing a tentative hand over Roger’s. “I rarely say this to people who aren’t me – but, you need to calm down.” John signed, causing Roger to roll his eyes and he leant back into the seat. 

“All good for me to shut this?” Brian called, quickly touching at a few objects to make sure they were secure. John gave him a single nod as Brian shut the door forcefully, before hopping in the front seat. John turned to Roger for a moment and noticed he had already shut his eyes for the trip home. Where they were parked was fairly illuminated by the street lamp they had stopped under, so John decided to quickly tap Roger’s leg before they made their contactless journey home. Roger opened his eyes slightly, peering inquisitively over at John, an eyebrow raised. 

“Can you tell me more about your parents, Roger?” John signed, his speech no more than a whisper. He could sense the tension even before he had finished his sentence. John saw the way Roger’s eyes darted around the space in front of him, before settling on John’s lips. John couldn’t tell if it had something to do with needing to read John’s lips, or something about the romantic existence between them. That being said, John couldn’t understand why now would be the time in which Roger would be thinking about kissing John. 

_Not right now, okay?_ Roger signed bluntly; so much so that John felt the air between them shift a little. As Brian started the car, John felt a gentle tap on his knee; he glanced over at Roger. _Tired?_ He signed, patting his chest just as the car began moving and the street lights streaming in became more sporadic. John couldn’t quite piece together the last eight hours – or the last 48, for that matter. Roger had been so hot and cold with him – although John hadn’t been all that much better. As much as John hated to admit it, the communication barriers that still existed between he and Roger made it infinitely harder to be completely aware of how the other felt. It was moments like the last few hours that had John understanding what Roger – or perhaps, more so his parents – had said about settling down with the first deaf person Roger could find. John could see why Roger had attached himself so strongly to Peter so quickly, and he queried for a moment the genuine possibility of him and Roger working out when their circumstances so largely opposed to it. Despite that, John found himself lowering to where Roger had made his chest available. He adjusted himself for a moment, until he was comfortable, and shut his eyes. He could hear Roger’s heart beating, and although Roger couldn’t hear his, John hoped he knew that even though he didn’t ask, John very much liked Roger too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all liked this chapter! I honestly feel it's a bit slow, and is not one of my favourites at all. Regardless, I'd love to hear what you think - whether you liked it or not! If you haven't already, go check out the one shot I posted for this universe; there will be heaps more going into the series once this main story is over. Adding on from that, if there are any scene ideas, or things you want to see in the one shots, please let me know - I have a sizeable list already, and would love to continue adding to it with all your fabulous ideas!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here! Have a chapter because I finally worked through the sizable back log of comments I had in my inbox. I hope you guys like this chapter - I personally do haha
> 
> Let me know what you think, yo. Also, I have so many ideas for one shots, and am really looking forward to getting stuck into them (I already have so many written and am just waiting to be able to post them), so if anyone has any ideas of suggestions, let me know - I already love the couple I have seen. 
> 
> Anywhoooo - love you all very much for the endless support; you are all fantastic human beings. 
> 
> Much love, Ava :) x

Sitting in class was absolute torture for John. By the time they had dropped Freddie off and gotten to John’s dormitory, Roger was well and truly asleep. So, John settled for leaving without saying as much as a ‘goodnight’ to Brian, before going inside to overthink the last two days some more. In fact, he still hadn’t stopped thinking about the last two days all weekend. Roger and Brian had both mentioned going back home to visit their families the extended weekend, and John had decided to use the relative alone time to desperately catch up on some school work. But despite that, there he sat in his electronics lecture on a mundane Tuesday morning, and his mind was thinking about nothing other than the Friday prior – how he and Roger had gotten a bit too heated outside, or how they seemed to so haphazardly paste it back together right before they left. John was sitting largely in a state of limbo – he liked Roger, and Roger confirmed that he liked him back, but something about the way the previous night went made John feel like they weren’t quite there yet – almost as if something was missing. When they were finally dismissed, John found himself packing his things rather monotonously; he had another class after that he didn’t mind being late to, so he continued to dawdle out the classroom. It wasn’t until he’d made his way entirely out of the doors, when he saw a certain head of blonde hair that he found his body trying to speed up its processes.

 _Taking your damn time._ Roger signed once they were close enough to each other. John gave a small chuckle as he somewhat jogged the remaining six or so steps towards Roger.

“What are you doing here?” John signed, a confused smile on his face.

 _Nice to see you too._ Roger grinned widely, nudging John playfully. John felt himself blushing, his eyes diverting to the ground for a moment. He looked back up quickly, a smile on his face after catching sight of Roger’s sparkly sneakers.

“I like your shoes.” John whispered, signing as best he could with books in his arms. “But, what are you doing here – not that it isn’t nice to see you.” John smirked, receiving a wide smile from Roger, the smaller man making dramatic of a pose to showcase his shoes.

 _Thank you; I dressed myself and everything – didn’t even need Brian to do up the laces._ Roger smirked, winking at John as he expelled a chuckle. _I thought we could grab some brunch; there’s a nice little café that opened near mine and Brian’s – do you have any more classes today?_ Roger grinned, looking up at John with such a sickly sweet gaze that John found himself proud that he was even able to control himself.

“I did have one more class… but I’m happy to miss it – what does it matter if we’re going to be famous rock stars?” John teased, before adjusting his books back into a comfortable position.

 _That’s what I like to hear._ Roger grinned, turning so he was now standing parallel to John. _Not sure Brian would like to know I’m corrupting you, though. First the cigarettes, now you’re ditching classes – you’ll be a mini me in no time._ Roger smirked proudly as he began to walk.

“God, help me.” John muttered playfully, even though Roger wasn’t looking at him. John walked alongside Roger for what seemed like forever; he didn’t mind all that much – he was never a fan of a great deal of conversation. Once they had made it out of the university grounds, and well on their way back towards Roger and Brian’s place, John sensed a familiar feeling brushing over his hand. He looked towards Roger, expecting him to want to continue their conversation; however, the older man hadn’t even looked up from where his eyes trailed the ground as he walked. John, slightly confused, let his eyes trailed down to the source of the faint touch, to see the way Roger’s small hands were going about trying to weave themselves amongst John’s slender fingers. As much as he hated himself for it, John found that he looked around for a moment, just to see what kinds of people were immediately surrounding them. He let out a shaky breath as he allowed Roger to finish slotting their hands together. Despite his confounding nerves, John was really happy – his face was bright red, but he would more than put up with it, if it meant getting to stay like that forever. When they reached the small café, John couldn’t help but smile fondly at how cosy and quaint it was – it was panelled with stained wood from floor to ceiling, and had small coffee tables and cushions seats making up to décor. It smelt strongly of coffee and what John could only make out faintly as fresh-baked bread. There was a record playing in the corner, of a band that John didn’t know, but he liked enough to let his face fall into a content and mused smile. John felt his arm being gently tugged at; he looked over to see Roger smiling widely at him whilst trying to get the taller man to follow him. John shot him a quick smile and let himself be dragged to a small table in the corner. As they sat down, Roger reached for the small paper menu on the table, and moved closer to John so they could both read it. John peered over the smaller man’s shoulder, eyes scanning down the page. He let his mind wander for a moment, thinking about how content he was right then and there – tip of his chin pressed ever so slightly against Roger’s shoulder. It wasn’t until Roger had started to turn around that he even considered moving; but, being pressed so close together, their faces mere centimetres from one another had John backing away with slight panic.

 _Sorry – I didn’t mean to scare you… do you know what you want?_ Roger signed, a somewhat reserved smile on his face. John returned the smile – complete with flushed cheeks.

“I think I want a cup of coffee… and some fruit toast.” John said softly, drawing out his words and signing as he thought. Roger nodded slightly in response.

 _I think I’m going to get the omelette – oh; and coffee. Would you mind ordering?_ Roger asked a little shyly, reaching into his pocket and getting his wallet. John shook his head quickly.

“Don’t be stupid, Rog; I’m happy to pay – you paid for the drinks the other night.” John smiled widely, taking the menu from Roger’s hands and scooting around the configuration of tables to get to the counter.

John couldn’t see the way Roger’s smile widened as he watched John walk away.

No more than two minutes later, John returned to the table, slotting loose change back into his wallet. He made haste in sliding back into the booth beside Roger, letting their outer thighs touch ever so slightly. “Thanks for picking me up from university – I really didn’t want to go to that last class.” John chuckled, Roger responding with a sweet smile and nod.

 _Anytime, Deaky._ Roger signed, smiling at John for a short while before his eyes widened and his mouth visibly gaped. John’s face quickly fell, unsure panic waving over him.

“Is everything o-“ John began to ask, but quickly stopped when Roger’s hands flailed in stopping motions in front of him. John remained seated in slightly uncomfortable silence for a moment, until Roger’s hand made a point of gesturing across to the front door. There stood Brian, accompanied by a well built and slightly shorter man with tan skin and dark features. The two of them seemed to be a little too close for Brian to eventually play such a “catch-up” off as just friends, and they appeared to be very wrapped up in whatever conversation they were having. “Oh my god.” John said softly, a wide smile creeping up on his face. He glanced over at Roger, and couldn’t help but smile when he saw the way the smaller man’s mouth was wide open. Finally, Roger’s gaze flicked back to John, and they both shared shocked expressions before laughing softly. After a few moments, the both of them continuously glancing back to Brian and his “fella”, Roger shifted to face John better and begin talking.

I was literally telling Brian, yesterday, about how good of a date spot this would be – what a dick… taking credit for my romance. He better not get lucky from this; I’ll be livid – that’s my sex. Roger signed, faking exasperation. John was laughing more and more as Roger continued, only stopping when his brain made more meaningful sense of what Roger had said.

“So, this is a date?” John asked, signing down at Roger with a small smile. That was the kind of question John wouldn’t have dared to ask anyone – but there was something about how free spirited being around Roger made John feel, that had him far less nervous than he anticipated.

 _It can be._ Roger responded, his hand movements a little stiff, and his eye contact unbreakable. John, in seemingly Roger-esque fashion, decided he needed to be the one to break the tension – in case Roger’s nerves stemmed from his fears regarding John’s reaction – especially considering how many of Roger’s previous antics had resulted in John’s discomfort.

“Well, I don’t recall being asked.” John signed, a wide smirk on his face. He watched the way Roger’s eyes visibly lit up a little, his smile quickly returning as he glanced over John.

 _John Richard Deacon; will you go on a date with me – a date that is happening right now._ Roger chuckled softly, resulting in John doing the same. To add to the utter debauchery of the situation, Roger stuck his hand out to John, as if they were courting in old-timey England. John just laughed harder, effortlessly sticking his hand out to join Roger’s; he didn’t for a second think this time about who might be watching. It was at this point that a young woman had walked over with two saucers, cups sitting perfectly atop them.

“I have the two coffees – toast and omelette are coming.” She said softly. John looked up at her, causing Roger to do the same, their hands still awkwardly touching, whilst hovering in the air.

“Thank you.” John said softly, his previous laughter still evident in his voice. Once the woman had placed down the drinks and left, John glanced over at Roger and finally removed his hand from the uncomfortable air space it was currently existing in. “It would be my pleasure, Rog.” John signed, smiling widely as Roger returned with an almost surprised, open-mouth smile that had John’s heart fluttering out of his chest. Their food was brought over in measurable silence, John offering the waitress a quick nod of thanks, before adjusting himself to better eat his toast.

“Well… if it isn’t my two favourite people to drive around while they sleep.” The voice boomed from above them, causing John to quickly look up. Roger did the same, and their gazes were met with Brian, standing before them with a soft smirk. “What on earth are you two doing here when I know damn well you both have classes?” Brian smirked and signed.

 _We could ask you the same thing, Brian?_ Roger interrogated jokingly, eyeing the taller man up and down.

“I’m just grabbing a coffee in between classes… unlike some people.” He smirked, clearly trying to tease the pair about their less than subtle date – especially considering how close they were, or their clearly teary eyes from laughing. Roger and John shared a quickly glance before smirking and turning to Brian.

“We saw you come in here – you’re with someone.” John grinned, his smile so devilish that it practically screamed Roger. The two of them couldn’t help but laugh as Brian’s lip quickly became caught between his teeth, his head turning to glance back at where John assumed his “fella” was.

“I’m…” Brian began, trailing off in search of the right words.

“On a date?” John continued, his smile wide with genuine happiness for Brian. In the last three months, John had heard a lot about Brian’s lack of a love life; although it was usually through means of Roger and Freddie making fun of him, John was still really happy that Brian seemed to be looking happier – and more relaxed – than John had seen him before.

“Not exactly… just friends at the moment – I guess. It’s just a cup of coffee…” Brian muttered awkwardly, his hand finding the back of his neck as he turned to look at the man waiting for him. When he turned back, both John and Roger were smiling widely.

“Go finish your date, Brian.” John smiled fondly, receiving one of the most genuine smiles John had ever seen from Brian.

 _Just so you know… because I’m a great roommate, I will let you two have sex as loudly as you want._ Roger signed, his grin wide and cheeky. Brian rolled his eyes.

“The same sentiment does not apply to this.” Brian signed seriously, gesturing to the two men before him. Roger returned a small laugh, and John found himself a little uncomfortable at what Brian was implying. Despite that, John still happily waved Brian off as he moved back to his own table.

 _I hope he becomes less of a control freak now that he’s getting some._ Roger signed, causing John to go a deep shade of red.

“I think he’s a ‘control freak’ because he cares about you, Roger.” John chuckled, receiving an eye roll from Roger as he waved John off with a meaningless hand. “How was your weekend at home?” John asked, before reaching down to grab a piece of his toast. Roger nodded quickly, letting his eyes wander for a bit before they finally fell back on John.

 _It was fine – same as always._ Roger signed, seemingly trying to divert his attention from John.

“Which is?” John pressed on, his brows furrowed with confusion; especially considered the fact that Roger had never told him about what visiting home was like.

 _Fine._ Roger signed shortly, before placing far too much attention on his omelette. John couldn’t help but sigh softly, letting a tentatively hand trail from his cup of coffee to Roger’s knee. The older man glanced over slowly, his expression far too hard to read for John’s liking.

“Roger – you said you would tell me about your parents.” He said softly, his signing as meek as the words he spoke. He could see the way Roger was getting frustrated with him, and he worried that this was the kind of subject matter that would finally see Roger lose his cool with John.

 _Please, just leave it._ Roger said softly, his eyes appeared far resigned at the prospect of divulging something potentially personal to John. _It’s nothing against you, John – I promise. Freddie knows nothing about my parents either; I just don’t like talking about it – please, drop it._ Roger was practically begging at this point, and as much as John was rather desperate to know, he felt terrible knowing that he was the one making Roger feel that way.

“I’m sorry, Rog. I didn’t mean to – I didn’t realise it bothered you so much. I won’t ask again.” John said softly, as he consumed a rotating combination of toast and coffee. For the first time in a while, John felt achingly similar to how he did months ago. When he was so painfully unaware of the three men around him, and furthermore, how they felt about him. He wanted to know everything about Roger; he didn’t consider himself a nosey person – not like Freddie or Roger – so perhaps it was his considerable crush on Roger rearing its ugly and intrusive head. They continued their brunch date in relative silence; it wasn’t necessarily uncomfortable, but the shift in dynamics was evident.

 _Should we go? You can come back to the apartment if you want – we can do whatever._ Roger offered, once it was clear they were both done with brunch. John wasted no time in nodding quickly, eagerly standing up before Roger had even processed said nodding. Roger chuckled as he stood up, following John out the door; it seemed Brian and his “date” had left already, and every single fibre of John’s being prayed they hadn’t ended up back at the apartment – not that he expected that of Brian.

Once they exited the coffee shop, they made their way towards the apartment; Roger’s hand was quick to find John’s, and as much as it wasn’t necessarily something to be proud of, John forced himself to not gaze the streets for potential onlookers. When they reached the apartment building, John allowed himself to be dragged up the stairs and into the third floor hallway, where Roger went quickly about unlocking the door and pulling the younger man inside. At this point, John was getting a little giggly at Roger’s hasty flamboyance, his little huffs and groans making John’s skin practically vibrate.

“Roger – are you okay?” John chuckled, once they had finally seemed to come to a standstill. Roger nodded quickly, starting to walk – slowly, John thanked – to the couch.

 _Yeah, sorry; I just wanted to be able to sit down. I hate trying to sign to someone while walking – it’s practically useless._ Roger chuckled, plonking himself down forcefully. John chuckled as he followed slowly behind, sitting beside Roger and adjusting so they could face one another. _I’m sorry for blowing up at you in the studio the other day._ Roger signed pensively, leaning back into the arm of the couch.

“You already apologised, Roger.” John chuckled softly, shaking his head fondly.

 _I know – but I just feel so bad. I don’t want you to think I’m some psycho._ John chuckled.

“I do recall everyone referring to you as ‘hot-headed’ when we first met.” John smirked, causing Roger to roll his eyes.

 _That’s not what I meant._ Roger signed playfully. _I just don’t want you to think that I’m some romantically inept nutcase. I also don’t want you to think I’m desperate or anything… or that you’re some sort of rebound. I know that Pete and I ended sort of out of nowhere, but I just want to make sure you know-_ Roger was cut off by John placed a careful hand on Roger’s forearm.

“Roger. I know – you don’t have to explain yourself. If I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t be sitting here.” John grinned softly. Roger’s smile grew wider and he nodded quickly.

 _I was just going to say, that I wanted to make sure you knew how much I like you._ Roger signed. John thought that he heart might have come flying out of his butt at that point. Sure, Roger had already confessed that he liked him – he’d also heard Freddie and Brian say it – but something about the context, and the casualness about it had John practically hovering in his seat.

“I like you too.” John whispered, his signing shaky between nervous hands. His nerves only skyrocketed as Roger shifted a little closer to him – it wasn’t much, but enough to have John feel his whole body tingling. There was a brief moment of silence between them – it wasn’t uncomfortable or unwelcome – in fact, John found it perfect. The two of them just sitting there, getting to look at the way the other smiled nervously in the heat of such an organic moment – John thought that to be his perfect idea of interaction. After a little while, Roger finally raised his hands to say something.

 _Can I kiss you?_ Roger signed, already edging a little closer to John.

“Roger – you don’t need to ask.” John chuckled in a whisper, his signing a little cramped between them. He saw as Roger very visibly blushed, and he felt his heart flutter a little.

 _I just thought because you don’t like touching and… anyone being close to you, really._ Roger chuckled breathlessly, causing John to do the same. This time, it was John that found himself scooting closer to Roger.

“That’s different.” He said softly. “You don’t have to ask to kiss me – I promise.” John signed, smiling widely.

 _Okay._ Roger signed, letting a few moments of nothingness pass. _Well, then I’m going to kiss you now – without asking… just telling._ Roger signed, seemingly more awkward that John himself felt. John rolled his eyes fondly and moved forward to personally close the gap between them. He leaned forward just as Roger’s hands found their way to the back of John’s neck. John let his hands fall on Roger’s chest and they both let their lips find one another. Where their first kiss had been nervous and unmoving, John could feel the way they both approached each other with more confidence. It didn’t take long for their gentle and motionless kiss to progress to a slow and careful dance between their lips and tongues. John had kissed enough people – and he was certain Roger had too – but there was something about the openness and care that John felt rushing through him, that had him carefully adjusting himself to crawl himself onto Roger’s lap. There was a brief moment where – very possibly out of sheer surprise – Roger pulled away and looked up at John with wide eyes and an even wider smile, before quickly capturing the smaller man’s lips back amongst his own. John could feel his own desperation rising – not from any genuine want to go further with Roger – more so due to instinct, and simply put – his impending and uncontrollable arousal. It seemed Roger was in a similar boat, finding somewhere in himself to pull away, eyeing John carefully, seemingly a little worried. John’s face was lit up with a bright smile, and quickly, Roger’s worries seemed to dissipate.

“I like you, Roger – a lot.” John whispered, hoping his pronunciation was clear enough to make up for a lack of signing. Roger smiled fondly at the younger man, running a hand from where it rested at John’s neck, to further down his back, to finally settle on his hip. John felt the gentle pressure of hands pushing him, and he effortlessly let himself be pulled closer to Roger’s body – their fronts pressed tightly together. John let his face fall into the crook of Roger’s collarbone and he unabashedly breathed in the calming natural scent of Roger. Everything about the scene seemed – at least to John anyway – far too out of place for midday on a Tuesday; but, it didn’t mean he was wishing for anything else. He – in that moment – felt calmer that John thought he was capable of as a human being. The stillness and silence of the situation was leaving John much time to think about what had transpired over the last five minutes; so much so, that he was feeling overwhelmed to the point that he had to let his eyes close to block out the extra avenue of stimulation. John hardly noticed Roger shifting beneath him, until he felt the slightly damp, and ever so careful lips press against the smooth skin behind his ear. John felt himself exhale, a small grin becoming prominent on his lips.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Sorry for the considerable hiatus; have been at dance competitions for the better part of a week, and likely will be dedicating most of my time to such for the remainder of April :( - I will do my best to write whenever I can. But, because of that, I thought I would grace you with a fuckload of content! I have also uploaded two other one shots. So, here is the new chapter; I have also written two one shots for this series: "Jealousy is the Fear of Comparison", and "Third Times a Charm". I also uploaded a second one shot, "I'd Scream At You If I Could" about a week ago. So check that out if you haven't. 
> 
> Let me know what you think - I'm personally not a fan of this chapter. I just feel like it's dialogue-ey and rather bland, which is probably why it's taken me so long to write.
> 
> Much love, Ava :) x

“Yes - they’re literally on top of each other. Well then come here and look… why would I be lying?” John could hear Brian faintly; opening his eyes, he slowly began sitting up until he heard Roger whimper and he flinched slightly. John peered at the blonde beneath and he smiled softly.

 _Morning._ Roger signed, looking at him with a wide smile. John sat up properly, being careful not to stab Roger with his lanky limbs. He looked around, a little alarmed, unable to tell by the state of the sunlight whether it was indeed morning.

“What’s Brian doing?” John said softly, signing with tired limbs

 _How would I know?_ Roger chuckled softly. _I think he might be talking about us – he looked back over at me before._ He added, giving John a weak smile.

“Who’s he talking to?” John asked, gazing at where Brian was still on the phone, perhaps unaware that they were talking about him.

 _Again, how would I know?_ Roger eyed John, who quickly shot him a look of guilt; Roger came with a with a soft grin in an attempt to calm him somewhat. Probably Freddie; I don’t think he has any other friends – it could be his date. Roger smirked, wiggling his eyebrows playfully. John laughed, pulling back to eye Roger for a moment, his cheeks flushing a little as he noticed their positioning.

“Is it actually morning?” John said softly, eyeing the windows.

 _It’s three o’clock - you were only asleep for like two hours._ Roger signed, clearly understanding what John was saying. John nodded slowly, still a bit foggy from his ‘nap’.

“Sorry.” John said softly, removing his hands to brush them through his hair.

 _That’s okay - I figured that you’re a child and still take naps._ Roger teased, eyeing John playfully. John rolled his eyes, staring down at the smaller man, who he was definitely still sitting on.

“If you didn’t have to be at university, you would absolutely sleep until midday every day and you know it.” John quipped back. Roger shrugged quickly.

 _Rock stars get to sleep in - it’s a perk._ Roger replied casually, making John roll his eyes again.

“You’re not a rock star yet.” John smirked.

 _Key word – yet._ Roger signed, smirking widely at him. John shook his head with fond eyes and began to move off of Roger, stiffness in his hips and back. _Come back; I’m cold._ Roger signed, a look of whining clear on his face.

“It’s starting to hurt… we can still… cuddle.” John muttered, moving a little awkwardly at the subject matter. Despite how much he liked Roger, and wanted to cuddle him until he was blue in the face, there was something about the speed at which he felt they were moving that had his chest bubbling and his arms tingling. “I just need to move around a little bit.” John offered quietly, continuing to remove himself from Roger, the blonde none too happy about it. As soon as John had ventured to the other side of the couch, Roger pinned himself tightly against the other man, nuzzling his face into the crook of John’s armpit.

“Hang on, they’re awake. Wait – let me see.” John heard Brian whisper, followed by minimal shuffling. “I’m not sure – I can’t see… yes, they have clothes on!” He snapped; John couldn’t help but laugh at the clear notion that Brian was talking about him and Roger. “Fuck – I think John heard me.” Brian muttered, only making John laugh harder. “You want to talk to him? Why?” Brian whispered, his voice clearly muffled by what John assumed was his hand. “John!” Brian called, very tentatively. John smirked softly and glanced down at Roger, tapping his shoulder gently with the arm wrapped around him.

“Brian is calling me; I’ll be right back, okay?” John signed, whispering against his hair. Roger nodded and moved slightly to let John up. John moved warily to the kitchen, not entirely sure what awaited him. “Yes?” John practically whispered, peering through the kitchen doorway at Brian.

“Freddie wants to talk to you.” Brian said softly, clearly hiding the smirk threatening to grow on his cheeks.

“About?” John said seriously, his eyes wide with internal panic. In hindsight, he wasn’t all that sure why he was panicking; what could Freddie possibly have to say that could be anything less than positive – or at least comically witty? Brian let out a soft huff – reminiscent of a chuckle – as he handed the phone over. “Hello?” John said softly.

“Well, hello dear; how are you?” Freddie sung loudly down the phone. “Did you have a good day at university? Are you looking forward to rehearsals?” Freddie barraged him with questions, and John could feel himself clamming up with each new one.

“I- umm… yes; I did – thank you.” John whispered, holding the phone up to his ear with both hands in a way that made him feel like a child. “I… I have some new music to show you.” John muttered, hoping to change the subject.

“That’s nice, darling.” Freddie said shortly, clearly not all that interested; John could tell he was smirking, and it was making John’s stomach do backflips. “How was your nap?” He said, as if more smitten with himself than he’d ever been. John could feel his heart beating – he still wasn’t sure why he was so nervous. Freddie knew that he liked Roger – heck, even Roger knew at this point. He shouldn’t have been so nervous. But, there was something about having been caught out, having a more intimate moment with Roger; it was as if he’d been caught doing something far dirtier than what he had. He could feel embarrassment rising in his chest and he desperately wanted to hand the phone back to Brian and run home. Even more so, he could feel anger rising within him. Of course he was going to tell Freddie all about it; but he wanted to do that in his own time – he wanted to come to Freddie with his – very exciting – gossip, on his own terms.

“It was fine, Freddie.” John finally muttered, his voice sharp and gritty. It seemed that Freddie sensed John discomfort – now beginning to border genuine anger at his incessantness.

“That’s good – wouldn’t want you to be tired when you show me your new song.” Freddie said quietly, his tone very careful. “Would you mind handing the phone back to Brian? I’ll see you later tonight.” He almost sung.

“Bye, Fred.” John muttered as he haphazardly handed the phone back to Brian and quickly walked away, so unbelievably over whatever conversation was going on in the kitchen. He could feel himself almost stomping back to the couch, plonking himself beside Roger with a grumble

 _What’s wrong?_ Roger signed quickly with furrowed brows, immediately sensing the negativity radiating from John.

“Nothing – just Brian and Freddie being assholes… so; the usual.” John rolled his eyes and leant back so that he was leaning on the arm of the chair. He watched as Roger huffed a small chuckle and crawled quickly across the empty space between them to lean himself into John. John wanted to smile at Roger; John wanted to kiss him and wrap his arms around him and be as happy as Roger usually made him. But, he was so inexplicably angry with Freddie that he couldn’t if he tried. “Why do you always feel the need to touch me?” John snapped, his signing as angry as his knitted brows. Roger frowned for a moment, before sitting up on his knees, still noticeably close to John.

 _Don’t get angry with me because Freddie and Brian upset you – that’s not fair._ He signed, measurably calm for Roger. So calm and reasonable, in fact, that John immediately felt terrible for being mean to Roger. John let his gaze fall to his lap, a nervous tingle spreading from his fingertips up to his shoulders. Before he could let his anxieties completely consume him, John felt a careful hand being placed on his chin and raising his head. He looked down at Roger, who was now sat almost entirely in his lap. _You worry way too much._ Roger signed, a smirk on his face.

“Sorry.” John whispered, glancing from Roger’s wide eyes to his lips. “I’m sorry for getting nasty – I was just frustrated.” John muttered, still not making eye contact with anything other than Roger’s lips. John felt a gentle tap on his arm, eyes darting quickly to Roger’s eyes.

 _You know it’s really rude not to make eye contact with someone who is deaf… it suggests you’re not listening._ Roger signed, a small smirk on his lips. John felt his face flush again, and he began to stutter over a worried apology. _I’ll only allow it because I can tell how much you want to kiss me._ He grinned wider, his own eyes flicking to John’s lips for a moment. If John’s face was flushed before, now it was practically flooded with a bright red blush. _Do it._ Roger signed cheekily, as if he was egging John on. John was certain it was the closest he’d heard to a giggle from Roger that he found himself giggling back.

“You know, kissing doesn’t always have to be this much of an event.” John chuckled. “You like to make a moment of it, Rog.” John grinned. Roger nodded quickly.

 _Why can’t it be an event?_ Roger signed, still wearing the mischievous simper on his face. John found himself rolling his eyes fondly.

“You’re going to do this every time we kiss?” John chuckled, eyeing Roger playfully suspiciously.

 _How many more times are we going to kiss?_ Roger asked, raising one brow at John with loosely pursed lips. John looked at him a little startled, his body language seeming a little too serious or accusatory to be Roger’s usually playful jibbing.

“Well – I thought…” John began, now overthinking every word he and Roger had shared since they’d met. Why did it seem that Roger all of a sudden wanted to stop whatever ball they had rolling? Was it because John had snapped at him? He seemed fine about it. John could practically feel himself vibrating with panic, and he wasn’t exactly how to bring himself back down. “Umm…” John found himself almost subconsciously mumbling. “As many times as you want?” He whispered, his signing shaky – reminiscent of when he had first begun trying to communicate with Roger.

 _Really – just walk up and kiss you?_ Roger signed, his serious expression quickly becoming a cheeky smile. John felt himself immediately calmed by the way he watched Roger’s smile grow, one side stretching higher than the other.

“Yes…” John said softly, beginning to smile widely as he looked fondly at Roger. “Did you ask Peter to kiss every time?” He smirked, signing with a little sass in his movements.

 _That’s different…_ Roger signed quickly, chuckling softly

“How?” John quipped back, sitting up a little to better playfully eye Roger.

 _He was my boyfriend._ Roger signed as if it as the most obvious thing in the world. John felt his smile quickly fading, and it seemed in the same moment Roger realised the minor mistake he’d made. John let his lip slip in between his teeth, quickly looking away from Roger; he couldn’t look up at him if he tried. Obviously they weren’t dating, and John was okay with that; but there was something about the way that Roger had so clearly and quickly said that John was most definitely not his boyfriend, had John shifting in his spot on the couch. “I… I have some new music to show you guys tonight.” John mumbled, almost inaudibly, trying to hopefully make things less uncomfortable. “I’m really excited about it. But, I umm- I have to go and get my bass. Maybe I should do that now.” John mumbled, already beginning to stand. He felt Roger’s hand grip his and he was carefully about not pulling it away too forcefully. “Roger – I just have to go home for a bit; I’ll see you tonight, okay?” John signed, already stepping back. The defeated look on Roger’s face was almost heart-breaking. John could barely watch as Roger stood up and walked nearer to him. “Roger; I’m sorry-“ He began signing, only to be quickly cut off by Roger standing onto his toes to connect their lips gently. They only remained like that for a few moments before pulling back, but John couldn’t help but smile. He took a small step back.

 _I didn’t make that an event._ Roger signed, smiling widely.

“They just kissed.” John heard Brian mutter, presumably into the phone. John let out a loud laugh, throwing his head back a little.

 _What’s so funny?_ Roger questioned, a look of confusion very evident on his face.

“Ask Brian.” John signed, smirking as he made eye contact with a very-much caught out and equally embarrassed Brian. “I’ll see you later tonight.” John signed, leaning forward and pecking Roger’s lips before heading for the door, giving them both a little wave as he left.

 

~~~~~~~~

As John walked into rehearsals, guitar case swinging by his side, he spotted Roger bent over his drums and smiled slightly as he walked over to him. He carefully put his case down and made a point of bending over to he could be eye to eye with Roger once he tapped his shoulder. Roger let his eyes trail over, smiling widely once he caught sight of John. Roger quickly leant over and carefully kissed John, almost hesitating before he properly committed. John couldn’t stop himself from laughing at the kiss they had shared while both contorted sideways over Roger’s drums.

“What did you do after I left?” John asked, standing back up; Roger stood also, glancing at John with a slight blush on his cheeks.

 _I told Brian… about our date._ Roger signed a little tentatively, clearly a bit embarrassed by how frequently he gossiped to Brian about his own love life. John smiled widely, his own face going a deeper shade of red at the thought of Roger talking to Brian about their morning – and also about the word ‘date’.

“That’s really cute.” John grinned widely.

 _You’re really cute._ Roger replied quickly. John felt his heart practically flutter out of his chest. For a moment, he found himself almost unable to culminate enough brain cells to formulate an answer.

“Alright, love birds.” Brian interrupted, moving closer to where they were standing. “You said on the phone to Freddie that you had some new music…” Brian added, smiling at John with the smug knowledge that he had interrupted the moment. John nodded and moved to open his bass guitar case.

“Yeah; I have something I think you guys will like.” John mumbled, pulling his bass over his head. “I’ll just play it for you guys, and I’ll play it again for Freddie, whenever he decides to show up.” John muttered, fiddling with his bass. As his eyes travelled up, he noticed Brian signing for Roger, and he quickly felt guilty for forgetting to sign – Roger however, didn’t seem to mind. John gave a quick cough to clear his throat and began plucking away at his strings. He played through his song, making sure his sounds were crisp and clear. He’d been working on the song for most of the weekend, once all of his school work was done. Once he came to the end of it, he looked up to see Brian smiling softly, and Roger staring at him contently enough that John didn’t feel bad for going about something that almost entirely excluded Roger. John remained in the haze of focusing on his playing until loud clapping from behind him had him turning around quickly.

“Well… I’m hurt that you didn’t wait for me; but, I don’t mind all that much, considering how wonderful that was, darling.” Freddie smirked, walking into the ground as grandiose as always.

“Thanks, Freddie; could we maybe try working through it? I have some lyrics and I think you might like them.” John said a little nervously. There was something about showing the others his music that got him a little flustered; they had so far not disliked anything John had shown them, but it still made his heart beat in his throat when he had to wait for their replies.

“Of course, dear!” Freddie said loudly, moving even closer to where the group was standing. They worked for an hour or so through John’s song, the lyrics working well, and the song coming together pretty nicely considering the short time they’d been working on it. They worked a little on the rest of their set list before they stopped for a five. They were all scattered around the room, before Freddie made his way to where John was standing. “I almost forgot; I wanted to tell you that I was on the phone to the sound engineer, and he said the first mix of the album is coming along wonderfully – we should have a rough demo by the weekend.” Freddie grinned, receiving an excited smile from John. Such excitement was cut short by the sound of Roger hitting his cymbals rather forcefully in succession; the three of them whipped around to look at Roger, sitting at his drums angrily.

 _I still exist._ He signed, seemingly very bothered that he was being ignored. Brian let out a small sigh and moved toward Roger to explain what he’d missed. Freddie watched the pair for a moment before looking over to John.

“So, dear… I know you don’t really want to discuss, but tell me about what happened earlier today?” Freddie sung, moving close enough to John that the conversation was just between the two of them.

“I don’t even know what to tell you, Fred.” John said, a little frustrated – but only at himself. “We kissed… a few times. But, it all still seems so awkward at the moment.” He sighed. “I really like him though… and I feel like I end up liking him even more every time we kiss.” John almost groaned, clear annoyance at his own feelings seeping out of him. “I just feel like we’re both stopping ourselves from going any further… or maybe it’s just me.” John muttered angrily.

“You have it bad, dear.” Freddie chuckled, earning a quick nod from John.

“Alright, are we done yet?” Brian asked from beside Roger, clapping his hands in front of his guitar. “I’m starving; I haven’t eaten since this morning.” He added before removing his guitar from around his neck.

“When you were on your date?” John questioned, eyeing Brian with a wide smirk. Brian immediately turned away, putting his guitar in its case as casually as John thought he could muster when he was clearly a little stressed.

“Your what?” Came the near scream from beside John. He flipped around quickly, smiling widely in Freddie’s direction.

“Guess you didn’t mention that on the phone, did you Brian?” John teased, enjoying seeing someone other than himself being made the centre of attention for their love life.

“Your what?” Freddie repeated, even louder this time. “Mr. Brian May; you will explain yourself, and you will explain yourself now.” He practically shrieked.

“What’s there to explain? I went on a date.” Brian stated, clearly trying to deflect every inch of the conversation. “Roger and John have kissed like six times.” He muttered, furthering the point of deflection.

“That is absolutely not important right now.” Freddie stated, almost too seriously for the subject matter. “Explanation – now.” He demanded, eyeing Brian with so much conviction that it was obvious, to even Roger, that he wasn’t dropping the issue any time soon.

“Fine.” Brian groaned. “I met a guy at university – he’s in my aquaculture class, and we caught up this morning because we get along great. Is that a crime?” Brian accused, staring Freddie down with a fed up, but albeit nervous look.

“Absolutely not, dear; but, what is a crime is not informing me! I could have helped you prepare!” Freddie said, in all seriousness. John could see the way Roger was getting frustrated at not being a part of the conversation again. John stepped aside and began signing to Roger, seeing as it definitely wasn’t the first thing on Brian’s mind.

“There’s reason number one why you weren’t ‘informed’, Fred.” Brian quipped back sassily, resulting in an eye roll from Freddie. The pair continued to bicker about Brian – albeit wise – choice not to tell Freddie about his date prior to it happening. John turned to Roger, who was already beginning to pack up his drums.

 _Can you tell them to cut it out? I want to go home._ Roger signed; John could see in his face that he looked tired, and John worried that something was wrong. Despite that, he nodded and turned to the pair arguing before him.

“Guys; cut it out!” John said loudly, making Brian and Freddie turn quickly to him with somewhat startled expressions. “From Roger.” He added, a moment of panic rushing over him at the thought of being considered rude. It seemed that the outburst from John – even if it was solely to act as a voice for Roger – had quickly silenced Freddie and Brian.

 _Do you want to get a take away and come back to our place?_ Roger asked, glancing between him and Freddie. They both nodded quickly, seeming to have forgotten the previous bickering. Brian let out a soft groan and both Freddie and John looked over, brows furrowed.

“Why is it always our place? Why can’t I have one night of the week where you two aren’t in my lounge room?” He questioned, but with little conviction.

 _It’s home base._ Roger said quickly, a proud grin on his face as he almost sprung over to where John and Freddie had closely congregated.

“I much prefer third base.” Freddie smirked, clearly proud of his innuendo; he eyed John for a moment, who had a slightly confused look on his face.

“Freddie… you do realise home base is… further than third base.” John chuckled, his brows knitted together as he gazed at Freddie.

“My goodness dear… I wouldn’t have thought you the type to have an expanse of knowledge of such a thing.” Freddie smirked, nudging John, who just rolled his eyes.

“Freddie; you know I’m an adult – right?” John quipped, quirking a brow at the older man. Meanwhile, Brian and Roger were chuckling softly at the scene.

“Debatable, darling.” Freddie retorted, grabbing the last of the equipment before sauntering off to the van. John was left rolling his eyes and grumbling, until he and Roger made eye contact for a moment. Roger gave him a wide smile and gestured for John to follow him; John gave him a quick and made fast steps to catch up to the older man.

 

 

~~~~~~~~

They reached Brian and Roger’s apartment just after eight, takeaway in tow. As they sat around the dining table, they discussed the album and John’s new song, and how if the album went well, they would potentially play shows outside of just England. To be fair, it was mostly Roger and Freddie getting overly excited about such a prospect, and Brian and John trying to bring them back down to reality. Once they had finished eating, Roger took the rubbish to the kitchen and popped out from the doorway, waiting until at least John glanced over at him.

 _I’m just going to have a smoke – I’ll be back; did you want to come?_ Roger asked, glancing at John sat at the dining table. John nodded quickly and stood from his spot, moving to where Roger was already half on the balcony.

“Don’t let him peer pressure you!” Brian called as he moved to the couch, causing John to roll his eyes as he shut the balcony door behind him.

 _About before…_ Roger signed, almost as soon as they had sat down outside. He quickly lit a cigarette and passed it over to John, who took it without as much consideration as last time.

“It’s fine – I shouldn’t have even brought up you and Peter.” He signed, holding the cigarette carefully, watching as Roger lit himself one.

 _No, it’s not that. It’s just… the whole boyfriend thing._ Roger signed, holding his cigarette between his lips. He took a large inhale of the smoke, seemingly gazing off in thought. _I was wrong to say that it was different because he was my boyfriend. It’s really not that different; I mean, we could make it no different at all._ Roger signed, letting the smoke release from his mouth and nose midway through signing.

“Roger… if you’re saying what I think you’re saying then you need to slow down.” John said, signing so quickly that he was flicking ash around as he did so.

 _Why?_ Roger responded quickly. _I like you and you like me and I can’t see a reason that opposes that logic._ Roger signed, very matter-of-factly. John could feel his lips tightening as he thought. Of course he wanted to date Roger – that was largely the point of liking someone. But, he couldn’t help but continue to feel like he was being used as a rebound; despite everything Roger had assured him of.

“You and Peter broke up like a week-“ He began, only to be swiftly cut off by Roger holding his hand up to silence John, complete with a cigarette between his fingers. John looked at him, taking a long drag of his smoke before blowing it out into the air, his gaze on Roger a little nervous.

 _That’s exactly my point, John – we broke up. I was upset about it and now I’m not and I don’t see how that presents genuine reason that we can’t just get together._ He signed dramatically. It was hard to deny that Roger was eloquent, and often submitted rather infallible logic; but it didn’t entirely help in convincing John.

“Rog; I just think we could benefit from slowing down.” John signed before placing his smoke back between his lips.

 _Why, though? What would the genuine difference be? We’d still go on dates, and I’d still kiss you. Only difference is calling you my boyfriend – one word isn’t that big of a deal… it’s not like I’d even say the word out loud if that’s what you’re worried about._ Roger smirked, clearly trying to lighten the mood. John couldn’t stop himself from chuckling softly, even more so when he heard the gentlest ‘oh my goodness’ coming from inside.

“I just want to let you know that Brian and Freddie are absolutely listening right now.” John said softly, causing them both to glance back inside to where Brian and Freddie were sitting a little too close to the balcony door. Roger rolled his eyes with a wide smile.

 _I expect nothing less; I’d like to think they’re just as invested as we are – considering you tell Freddie everything, and I tell Brian everything._ Roger chuckled. John gave him a confused look, but with a hefty smile on his face.

“How do you know that I tell Freddie everything?” He questioned, a brow raised.

 _Because Brian and Freddie tell each other everything._ He smirked, laughing slightly when John’s head whipped to stare at the pair who were very much trying to make it look like they weren’t very guilty. _Assholes._ Roger signed, shaking his head. John kept his eyes focused on the pair inside; watching the way they sat so closely – caring so vehemently – John found himself a little warm inside. Roger wasn’t wrong when he said that Brian and Freddie were just as invested; and if they were invested, they clearly thought there was reason to be. Maybe, John thought, that if everyone else believed in the idea of him and Roger, then he was really being the asshole for not believing it himself. John was quickly removed from his thoughtful trance when he noticed Roger trying to get his attention, almost nervously. _Will you at least consider it?_ Roger signed, looking up at John with knitted brows and a twisted mouth. John let his gaze travel over Roger’s whole body, settling on his seemingly worried eyes. John had never considered Roger to be the nervous one of the pair of them; but in that moment, John felt rather calm – calm enough that there was absolutely no point of nerves stopping him from considering saying yes to Roger’s bad idea – so he didn’t.

“I’ll do more than consider it, Roger.” John grinned, flicking his cigarette away into the nothingness of the sky. He watched as Roger’s face transformed from a tightly wound knot of nerves, into a wide smile, and John felt his body melt into said smile.

 _Is that a yes?_ Roger signed, moving much closer to John.

“It is.” John chuckled. “But, I won’t kiss you while Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum are ogling at us through the door.” He smirked, causing Roger to immediately turn to Brian and Freddie and quickly shoo them off with forceful hand movements. The pair both turned around, seemingly trying to act as if they hadn’t been watching the entire exchange. John chuckled as he turned back to reconnect his eye contact with Roger, quickly leaning in and connecting his lips to Roger’s, pulling him in close.

“I’d say that’s a yes.” Freddie called at them through the door; John quickly lifted a hand to flip Freddie off, lips still interlocked with Roger’s.


	18. Chapter 18

They were in the back of the van on the way to their gigs that weekend. Roger had fallen asleep on John’s lap, and John wasn’t mad about it. In fact, he was glad; he was in desperate need of a debrief with Freddie and Brian about all that had transpired in the last four days. It seemed that Freddie felt exactly the same way, because as soon as it was confirmed that Roger was asleep, the older man had slung himself around to eye John with a cheeky grin.

“Okay, boyfriend!” Freddie sung, smirking at him; John just rolled his eyes. In Freddie’s defence, this was the first that the two of them had really gotten to discuss what had happened on Tuesday. Between preparing for their shows and Roger and John spending even more time together, Freddie was seriously lacking in his ‘John time’. 

“Shush!” John said quickly, batting Freddie’s over-excited energy away with a wave of his hand. 

“Why? You think I’ll wake him - I envy that man’s sleeping capabilities.” Freddie smirked, knowing John had no grounds for making him remain quiet. 

“Just… don’t make a big deal about it, Fred.” John muttered. Before Freddie could even respond, there was a scoff from Brian in the driver’s seat. 

“You say that as if our lives haven’t revolved around this for the last three months.” Brian muttered, and John couldn’t quite work out where on the spectrum from sarcastic to annoyed his voice was placed. John felt himself shrinking a little; Brian usually knew exactly what to say to make John feel better, but he also had a tendency to speak with reckless abandon when it came to his opinion. 

“You say that like it’s a bad thing; it’s nice to have a little drama going on - keeps things interesting.” Freddie smirked. John couldn’t quite tell if Freddie had deliberately barrelled over the awkwardness of Brian’s statement, or if he was genuinely oblivious to the tension. “Now, tell me everything. I want every juicy detail; do you understand me?” Freddie continued, voice making it clear how overly excited he was. 

“There isn’t really much to tell, Fred. We’ve just been hanging out… nothing’s really changed – we hold hands a little more; maybe.” John muttered, his fingers toying with Roger’s hair. 

“But are you not, like, so happy?” Freddie questioned, also bouncing out of his seat. John looked at him a little confused. 

“Of course… why wouldn’t I be happy, Freddie?” John questioned, confused and concerned. 

“Well, you said you were worried things were moving too fast; that you and Roger might be diving in too quickly.” Freddie said quickly, not caring much for noise control. John could see the way Brian tensed up a little, and it was making John a bit nervous. 

“Yeah… Roger and I talked about it though.” John muttered, wishing he was sitting in the front seat so he could at least read Brian’s face. “Freddie… can we talk about this later?” John practically pleaded; it wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to Freddie about it – he desperately did, in fact. It was more so that he a) didn’t want to have such a discussion about Roger while he was laying right there, and b) he didn’t wanted to spill his guts about the last four days with Brian watching a little judgmentally. Freddie eventually relented; allowing the van to fall silent again, save for the occasional chat about their shows that weekend. 

When they did reach the hotel, John carefully shook Roger awake and ushered him out the back. The cold air seemed to do wonders for waking Roger up, because you wouldn’t have guessed that he’d previously been napping. The quartet moved swiftly into the hotel; it wasn’t exactly a palace, but it was definitely a step up from where they’d been staying in the months prior. Freddie was the first to approach the desk, leaning over it with a sweet smile as he eyed the young woman standing the desk. 

“Hello, lovely. You should have a booking under Mercury – two rooms.” He grinned, waiting a moment while the woman checked the paperwork in front of her. 

“Yes – right here. I’ll get you to sign this one here Mr. Mercury.” She said softly, providing Freddie with a sheet of paper and a pen. Freddie signed his name with a flourish and pushed the paper back in her direction. If the young woman seemed overwhelmed by the flamboyant man, she surely wasn’t showing it. “Alright, we have you in room 105: Mercury and Deacon, and 107: Taylor and May. All beds split.” She grinned, handing over two separate keys with room numbers on the tags. John could see the way Freddie hesitated, but it was only for a moment, and likely unnoticed by the woman. 

“Thank you, dear.” Freddie said softly, shooting her a closed mouth grin before turning on his heels and beginning to walk in the direction of the rooms. Once they were far enough out of the receptionist’s earshot, he turned back to the three men trailing behind him. 

“Did you want to swap with me, Roger?” He signed, before holding the key for room 105 out to Roger. Roger tilted his head to the side slightly, clearing having not made out the woman’s explanation of him and John being in different rooms. 

“It doesn’t really matter if the beds are split.” Brian said softly, glancing back at John, presumably to see if he was going to oppose. Before John could really even think about it – because it was largely something John hadn’t thought about in their short walk – all three sets of eyes were trained on him, clearly expecting some sort of statement. 

“I don’t mind.” John muttered, eyes wides with panic threatening to bubble out of him. “What do you want to do, Roger?” John signed, hoping to deflect some of the tension onto Roger. Roger looked around at the three of them, and the look of confusion and panic in his eyes suggested he wasn’t sure exactly what was going on. 

“Who do you want to share a room with, dear?” Freddie asked, trying to clear some of the obvious confusion. Roger looked between the three of them before his eyes connected with Brian’s. 

_I don’t care._ He signed, looking at John and shooting him a sweet smile that quickly dissipated his anxieties. 

“Why don’t we just leave it how it is on the booking? It’s not like they’re not real close to each other.” John smiled, as Roger nodded quickly. “I’m going to go get our bags – why don’t you go check out the room.” John said softly, trying to seem as light and breezy as possible. Freddie gave him a quick nod, his face suggesting he was rather confused by the scene that had just played out. 

_I’ll come._ Roger signed, following John back outside as he began to walk back to the door. Once they were out by the van, Roger immediately connected himself to John, pecking his cheek gently. _I’m sorry. Brian and I always share hotel rooms – it’s this like… unspoken thing._ He signed quickly, anguish evident in his feminine face. John looked at him with surprise. 

“It’s fine – honestly. They’re just hotels rooms; you don’t have to be sorry.” John signed, chuckling. Roger still seemed a bit bothered, so John made a point of grabbing the smaller man’s cheeks and holding their faces close to together. “It’s okay, Roger.” He whispered, hoping Roger would understand, before planting a careful kiss on his lips. As he pulled away, he saw how Roger’s smile grew, and John himself felt his heart flutter a little. “Besides, Freddie is not going to mind if you come hang out in our room this weekend.” John signed, smiling widely. Roger nodded slightly, before turning his attention the bags in the back of the van. He grabbed out his and Brian’s, and John did the same with his own and Freddie’s, and they both made their way back to their respective rooms. Freddie had left the door open slightly, so John just pushed it with his foot. He looked at Roger who was knocking and rolling his eyes as he waited for Brian. John couldn’t help but chuckle before blowing Roger a kiss and stepping inside. As soon as the door shut behind him, John dropped the bags and moved to sit on Freddie’s bed, where the older man had already made a point of spreading himself out. “Does Brian hate me or something?” He said, almost manically. Freddie gave him a look that suggested he’d just grown horns, and sat up quickly. 

“Are you serious, John?” Freddie chuckled, moving closer to where the panicked boy was sitting. “Why on earth would Brian hate you?” He said loudly, grabbing John’s hands and holding them tightly in his own. John let out a soft groan as he threw his head backwards. 

“I have no idea! But he was being so weird on the way here; and then again when the stuff with the rooms happened. Did I do something the piss him off?” John questioned, almost a little angrily. 

“No, dear – absolutely not. I think you just forget that Brian is overly protective of Roger, and I don’t think he’s taking lightly to the prospect of handing him over – not even to you.” Freddie explained, his voice clear and measured. 

“I just feel like he wasn’t like this with Peter.” John groaned, unable to stop himself from being so frustrated. Freddie chuckled softly. 

“Calm down, darling; all this stress isn’t good for your health.” He smirked, receiving nothing but an eye roll from John. “He probably wasn’t like this with Peter because he knew he didn’t have to worry about some asshole treating Roger badly; Peter and Roger are in the same boat – nothing to be worried about.” Freddie grinned. “Or…” He began. “He knew Peter wasn’t going to last very long…” Freddie said softly. 

“Well it doesn’t seem like Brian wants us to last very long, at this rate.” John sighed, getting even more frustrated. 

“Deaky.” Freddie began with a fake serious tone. “It is called Queen, not princess; stop fretting like a child.” He stated, causing John to stand up with an annoyed huff. 

“I’m going to bed.” John muttered, walking towards the other bed in the room. 

“Oh, no you’re not; the night is young and Roger had a nap, meaning he is probably keen as a bean right now.” Freddie said, standing up. John couldn’t help but laugh at Freddie’s phrasing. He didn’t want to go out; but if the other three were, he certainly wasn’t going to hang out in some hotel by himself. 

“If Brian goes; I’ll go.” John smirked, sitting on his bed with a thump. 

“You drive a hard bargain, Deacon.” Freddie smirked, turning to the door snappily, and shuffling out – to where John presumed was Brian and Roger’s room – with a comical shimmy. John chuckled, as he watched him go; not five minutes later, Roger came bounding into the room. 

_Get up._ Roger signed triumphantly. _Brian agreed – so, get your butt up._ He smirked. John sighed softly, but with a smile on his face. 

“Do we have to?” John questioned, shoulders hunched in playful annoyance. Roger just nodded as he floated over to grasp John’s hand, practically ripping him up from the bed. 

When they reached the pub it was dimly lit, but unmistakably gaudy. Such clubs that Freddie frequented, often made John feel pretty uncomfortable, regardless of his own orientation. 

“Fred; do you just sniff these places out?” Brian chuckled, looking around at the mixes of people. 

“Oh, Brian; you’d be surprised how easy they are to find when you know what you’re looking for.” Freddie grinned widely, already starting to walk into the abyss of bodies. John could see out the corner of his eye that Roger’s hand was clasped firmly around Brian’s arm, as Brian slowly moved to the bar. When they made their way to the small stools, John tapped Roger’s arm and waited for the blonde to swing around to his direction. 

“Are you okay?” John asked, signing as he smiled widely at Roger. He received a furrowed brow and tilted head from Roger, and John found himself frowning. Just as John was about to repeat himself, Brian interrupted from where he was ordering them drinks. 

“He can’t understand you; it’s too dark.” Brian said seriously as he moved the beers across the bar to in front of them. John bit his lip and looked between Brian and Roger, who was staring a little aimlessly as the crowd of men dancing. 

“So, we’re just going to ignore him?” John questioned, a little bit of sass in his voice. John was getting a little fed up with Brian’s sudden saltiness; and without Roger being able to hear, or Freddie’s calming words, John wasn’t sure he wouldn’t go off about it. 

“Unless you want to make him go home… He’s fine, John.” Brian muttered, sipping his beer as he looked out at the crowds of people. 

“It seems very unlike you to be happy with him just being a prop.” John muttered, now doing the same as the other two men, and gazing out at the crowd. 

“What did you say?” Brian questioned, with a little disbelief. 

“You heard what I said, Brian.” John mumbled, just as he caught sight of Freddie. The older man didn’t seem too preoccupied with any ‘friends’ of his, so John swiftly made his way over. As soon as he reached Freddie, he felt the shorter man gripping his hand tightly. “Freddie; I want to go home.” He said quickly, desperation in his face. 

“Why? We only just got here, darling.” Freddie frowned, gripping John with even more intensity. 

“If I don’t go, I think Brian and I might have a brawl.” John said softly, without any humour behind it. “Thank you for bringing me out, Fred. But I need to go home.” He muttered, leaning in to give Freddie a quick kiss on the cheek. 

“Kisses? Darling; you’re saying goodbye as if you’re going off to war.” Freddie chuckled. “I’ll see you in a few hours.” He grinned. John let himself smile slightly. 

“That’s if you don’t find a fella to go home with… I’ll see you in the morning, Fred.” John smirked, leaving his still full beer in Freddie’s hand, before turning on his heels and heading quickly back to Brian and Roger. He reached Roger and gripping his spinning to chair to try and position him in the way of some lights. “Roger… I’m going to go back to the hotel – okay?” He signed, hoping Roger was able to even somewhat understand him. Roger continued to look at him a big puzzled, his eyes squinted and his brow furrowed. John let out a frustrated sigh and he saw the way Roger’s face became a little sadder. John felt like ripping his hair out; obviously it wasn’t Roger’s fault – it wasn’t anyone’s. But, the whole drive up and room situation, as well as Brian’s general attitude was starting to get to John, and he good feel the nastiness rising within him. That’s why he needed to leave; he’d been told for as long as he could remember that it was better to remove yourself from a situation than let your anger be known – so that’s exactly what he was doing. He looked at Roger in his sad eyes and gave him a quick kiss before turning and heading for the door. 

John caught the first cab back to the hotel, mentally cursing himself as he trudged to the room, not two hours after leaving it. He felt like he was being a baby; but he couldn’t help it. He felt like he was being picked on, and although Brian was very protective of Roger, it all seemed a step too far. Brian knew John; he knew that John wasn’t in it to hurt Roger – so John couldn’t really work out what he’d done to upset Brian so strongly. John was still fiddling with the key in the door when he felt the loud footsteps vibrating through the floor; John turned his head to see Roger practically running up to him, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t smile. 

_What’s going on? Are you okay?_ Roger requested, clearly out of breath from whatever sprint he’d just undertaken. John nodded quickly just as he pushed the door open, stepping inside and waiting for Roger before shutting the door. 

“I’m fine.” John signed meekly. “I’m sorry for leaving like that; and I’m sorry for seeming annoyed about you not being able to understand me. I know the club was dark; I was just trying to tell you that I was leaving.” John sighed, letting his head tip back in frustration. “I’m sorry for being such a buzzkill. You should have stayed out; I’m just going to bed anyway.” John signed, plopping himself down on his bed. 

_Can I stay with you?_ Roger asked, taking a step closer to John’s bed. 

“You want to stay with me in my single bed?” John questioned, smirking widely. He received a quick nod from Roger, who swiftly made his way over to sit beside John. John smiled widely as Roger sat beside him, placing a hand on the younger man’s cheek as he gave him a slow kiss. John kissed back immediately, letting himself melt into Roger’s touch. John had surprised himself with how quickly he’d become accustomed to kissing Roger; typically guys he’d dated had taken months for John to warm up to them. The pair kissed for a few minutes, before John felt himself being laid down, Roger hovering over the top of him. He’d have been lying if he’d said his whole body didn’t hit a wall of momentary panic, but he let himself be reminded of how comfortable Roger had been known to make him. Their kissed continued for a few more minutes before Roger pulled away, shooting John a quick smile; John returned it immediately and Roger reconnected their lips, allowing his nimble hands to travel from John’s shoulders and neck, to his sides, and further to the hem of his shirt. John found himself becoming relaxed enough that he’d barely noticed Roger’s hands gliding underneath his shirt; his mind barely acknowledging the feel of smooth skin against his torso. As their kiss continued – and Roger’s hands continued to wander aimlessly over John’s bare skin – John found his own hands travelling to Roger’s lower back, fingers splayed from his dimples either side of spine, to the upper of his rear. John allowed his tongue to continued exploring Roger’s mouth as his hands did the same, making their way to sit tentatively on Roger’s ass, almost afraid of his reaction. John could feel himself getting carried away, but he wasn’t in any mindset to care. The mix of anger at Brian, and overwhelm at Roger had him mindlessly going about fondling Roger’s bum in a way that his mother would have been ashamed of. It wasn’t until John felt Roger’s hands trail from his stomach to begin to toy with the clasp of his bell-bottoms, that he finally snapped back to reality. He felt himself freeze, and his eyes grew wide. Thankfully, Roger seemed to sense his sudden apprehension, and pulled his hands away immediately, sitting up a little to look at John properly. John let his hands slip quickly away from Roger’s bum. “I’m sorry.” He signed quickly, his voice coming out meekly – not that it mattered to Roger. “I just think… it’s a bit fast for me. I’m sorry.” He repeated, trying not to let the overwhelm make itself known in the form of tears. Luckily, Roger shot him the sweetest look of affection before John could properly start to cry. 

_Of course we can stop._ Roger signed, with a smile so genuine that all of John’s prior anxieties – and even his prior frustrations – seemed to disappear completely. 

“Do you think we could maybe fit in this bed together? I don’t want you to go.” John muttered, toying with his lip between his teeth. John watched as the smirk on Roger’s face grew, and before John could question it, he had removed himself from his space above John. Roger scampered over to Freddie’s bed, quickly removing the clothing scattered on it, before pushing the single bed a few feet to beside John’s. Roger made haste in getting into Freddie’s bed and snuggling up close to John. 

_Good enough?_ He questioned, looking up at John through thick lashes. 

“Perfect, even.” John whispered, signing as best he could with Roger on his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there is the latest chapter; this fic will slowly be coming to an end now. But, don't worry - there are plenty of one shots to be added, so make sure you subscribe to the series. As always, let me know what you thought. Also, a few things.   
> 1\. I just uploaded a new fic. It's a Soulmate AU called Don't Be Afraid, Our Fate. I've tried to be a bit creative, so if that's your thing, or you just like my writing - go check it out   
> 2\. I heard through the grapevine that there is some fanart of this fic somewhere. I, as the bossy-boots that I am, DEMAND to see it lol. Honestly, I'm so touched by it, so if anyone knows where I could find it - please let me know! 
> 
> Much love, Ava :) x


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the newest chapter, my dudes! Let me know what y'all think. There has been a considerable request for smut coming soon, but I am severely unsure. I feel like that is rather out of depths, and I wouldn't want to let you all down with some god-awful smut. So, let me know what you think. 
> 
> Also, thank you for IMMEDIATELY informing me of where I could find the fanart - if you're interested, the lovely human who created it is quillnics on Instagram and she is UNBELIEVABLY talented. I legit made an Instagram account just so I could tell her how amazing she is. My *new* Instagram is 2_ava_queen if you'd like to come say hello (there's nothing on it yet, so don't get too hyped, y'know) 
> 
> Much love, Ava :) x

“Make it home, Fred?” John smirked over his shoulder as he plugged the last of his equipment in. Fred had just waltzed in, wearing the same clothes from the night before. 

“You better have something else to wear on stage, Freddie.” Brian said seriously. 

“Of course I do, darling. You should expect nothing less from me.” Freddie grinned, moving closer to John. “And would it have mattered had I made it home, dear? It’s not like I had a bed to sleep in.” He whispered, getting very close to John, whispering teasingly in his ear. John blushed hard. 

“Nothing happened, Fred.” John muttered, his cheeks bright red. He watched as Freddie wigged his eyebrows, gazing over at Roger who was bent over his drum kit. John liked what he was looking at, and it was clear Freddie knew that. Even if it severely embarrassed John, he gave in and let out a soft giggle. “Stuff… started to happen; but, I asked Roger to slow down.” John admitted, receiving a small chuckled huff from Freddie, before the older man flounced over to Roger. They began signing to one another, Freddie not uttering a single world, so John was left completely out of the loop. He wanted to know what they were discussing so badly that he’d completely stopped setting things up and was subconsciously staring at the two men. He stared for long enough that the two of them began to notice and Roger gestured him over. John quickly jogged over to them, smiling as confidently as he could muster. 

_Freddie is going to move his stuff into Brian’s room; he spoke to Brian about it._ Roger signed, causing John to glance over at Brian, who was plucking through a riff on his lonesome. John began to worry even more – firstly because he was unsure if Brian now hated him even more than he already did; and secondly, because he worried that Freddie’s intention to have he and Roger share a room wasn’t entirely pure. Sure, John had thought about maybe going there with Roger eventually, but the idea of doing it now – or knowing that Freddie would know – was making John a little panicked. 

“It’s- It’s okay, Roger.” He stammered, reaching up to grab at Roger’s shoulder, who swiftly whipped around to him. “I don’t mind sharing a room with Freddie – you should stay with Brian.” John signed, receiving a look of confusion from Roger. 

_I want to stay with you._ Roger signed, trying to push a soft smile. John let himself nod a little subconsciously, not wanting to have some sort of argument with Roger right before their gig. John allowed himself to glance over at Brian, who was still solemnly strumming away. Once it seemed that Roger was back to being preoccupied by his drum kit, John slowly made his way over to Brian. 

“Hey.” He said softly, once standing only a few metres away from Brian. When Brian did look up at him, he found himself avoiding eye contact and toeing his shoes into the ground. 

“Hello?” Brian questioned, eyeing John with considerable confusion. John felt himself shrinking; he couldn’t work out the reasoning for the sudden hostility from Brian. 

“About the whole room thing…” John muttered, inching closer to where Brian was standing. 

“What about it? It’s a non-issue.” Brian said seriously, casting his eyes away from John as he cut him off. John found himself retreating back a little. 

“Brian…” He began, picking at his fingers with nervous energy. “I know you’ve said that there’s nothing between you and Roger, but it just seems like this has really upset you, and you should know you can tell-“ John began rambling.

“For god’s sake, John! How many times do I have to tell you?” Brian snapped, his voice much louder than previous and his stance far sturdier. John felt himself flinching, and out of the corner of his eye, he could see how Freddie’s head – and shortly after, Roger’s – snapped around to all of the commotion. “There’s nothing going on between me and Roger!” Brian yelled; and John felt his whole self go cold. Whether it was out of pure shock, or blind rage, John didn’t know; but as he took a step closer to Brian, he was certain he couldn’t actually feel his body moving. 

“Well, then what is it? Brian – honestly!” John yelled back, and he saw the way that both Brian and Freddie’s eyes widened. John could feel the tears in his eyes, and any embarrassment that was surging through him couldn’t over power the anger. “I did everything right! I listened to every single god damn word you said because I know how much you care about Roger. So, I did everything exactly how you told me, and I made sure I didn’t make a single fucking mistake… and sure maybe I messed up a few times, but I tried! I tried so hard; and now that it finally worked out, you want to pretend that you weren’t a part of all this, and that you have some problem with me.” John was properly yelling at this point; he didn’t care that there were tears on the cusp of his eyes. “If you so desperately don’t want this to happen, then just fucking say so. I’ll walk – fuck Queen!” He spat. “I’d take that over you sitting here belittling me for the rest of my life.” Before it seemed anyone could comprehend what had just happened, John turned swiftly and marched for the exit of the university hall. He was so overwhelmed by what had just happened that by the time the spots in his vision had cleared and he was finally beginning to process all he’d said, he was already out the door. John just kept walking; he hadn’t the slightest idea where he was going, but he wasn’t about to stop and allow himself to actually replay all that he’d just yelled at Brian. John couldn’t get over how horribly he’d reacted; he had barely ever raised his voice at the band, so to begin by screaming at Brian – and about something far more related to their personal lives than any band matter – he felt terrible. He thought about the kind of scolding he would have gotten from his mother if she’s been present, and it only made him feel worse – like he deserved to be scolded. John kept walking until the felt his arm being pulled back rather forcefully; as he was spun around, he made eye contact with Brian. “What?” John said softly, careful not to raise his voice anymore.

“Can we please talk?” Brian mumbled, still holding tightly onto John’s arm. John glanced down at where they were connected, before jerking his arm backwards. “Please, John. I want five minutes of your time – please.” Brian pleaded; the desperate look on his face hit John like a tonne of bricks. John sighed heavily and he moved to step off of the sidewalk. Brian followed him quickly, appearing far more content now. 

“Okay; what do you want? There better be an apology for the last week in here somewhere.” John snapped. He knew he was going to come to feel very bad for how he’d been speaking to Brian when he went to bed tonight, but he could apologise later. 

“Yes, John; there is – a huge one. I’m sorry for being such a dick. I didn’t mean to yell at you, and I’m sorry for being absolutely horrid to you for the last week.” Brian said, with a quiver in his voice that had John actually softening a little. 

“Are you at least going to explain to me why you’ve been such a twat?” John asked, finally cracking a smile; one that had Brian smiling back widely. 

“Yes!” Brian said quickly. “I just… this is going to sound so pathetic, but I just couldn’t sit by and watch you take my best friend.” He admitted. “I know he’s your boyfriend now, which I know outranks me… but I’m just not ready to stop having Roger around all the time. Save for Freddie, Roger and I are kind of each other’s only friends… so the idea of you two going off together to be cute and whatever… it just messed with me a little. But, I let it get me really bitter; and I took that out on you.” Brian muttered, shrinking into himself – presumably out of guilt – as he went on. 

“Yeah, you did.” John said frankly, letting out a quick chuckle, which he felt did wonders at loosening Brian up a little. “But, Brian; I don’t outrank you – not by a long shot. You are Roger’s absolute number one; and I think it’d be a hard pass to find anyone that came between you two.” John said seriously, before reaching forward to grab both of Brian’s hands. “I’m not trying to take Roger away from you – I promise.” John said softly. “And if it ever seems like I’m overstepping my boundaries, I swear I’m not trying to… so just tell me, y’know; instead of giving me the silent treatment, and then going bonkers on me.” John chuckled, giving Brian’s hands a squeeze. Brian quickly nodded as he squeezed John’s hands back.

“Fags!” Came a loud call from nearby the pair. John whipped around to see Freddie and Roger walking up to them with wide smirks. John rolled his eyes and let go of Brian’s hands to turn around to the pair as they approached. “Roger told me to do that.” Freddie smirked. “Sorry it took so long; I had to re-enact everything for Roger – I do believe I did the scene justice. You’re welcome.” Freddie teased, nudging John. “Are we good?” He questioned, eyeing both of the men up and down. Both the men nodded, and Brian was quick to speak up. 

“Yeah; everything’s fine.” He said genuinely, a wide smile on his face. 

“Well that’s just fantastic!” Freddie said overly enthusiastically. “Could we perhaps go and get ready for our gig that starts in two hours?” He added, smirking at John and Brian. 

“Yes, sorry – c’mon!” John said quickly, already starting off on heading back to the studio. The other three followed him closely, Roger running up to link their hands together. John took his hand quickly, glancing back at Brian behind him, who gave him a quick wink.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another new chapter! I'm feeling rather poorly at the moment, so I would say that there'll be a few days hiatus while I nap off my cold :(((  
> Based on what everyone said about smut, I have tried to find a generous middle grown. SPOILERS: Roger and John have sex for the first time in the this chapter, but you don't actually read about it. The most vulgar things to happen are a hand on the upper thigh, and the phrase 'suck my dick' (used in a humorous conversation between Roger and Brian). So, I hope that's okay with everyone. 
> 
> A new revelation is that I now have Instagram. It still has nothing on it - but I'm already really enjoying having a chat with those of you that have come and said hello. It's 2_ava_queen if you want to chuck us a hi! 
> 
> Much love, Ava :) x

Their gig that night was great. The venue was packed, and the energy was far and above better than anything they'd played for before. They had all gone out for a few drinks, and stumbled back into their rooms at some ungodly hour. John awoke, still in his and Roger's makeshift double bed, but it seemed that Roger had wandered. It wasn't unusual for Roger go wherever he damn-well pleased, but it was a little abnormal for him to do so, so early in the morning. John pushed himself out of bed and threw on some proper clothes and shoes, before meandering out into the hall. He spotted - as he reached the diner - Brian and Roger sitting and chatting over some very intense hangover food. John slowly made his way over to them before he was grabbing on the arm tightly; he turned around to see Freddie sitting at a table by himself, his own breakfast in front of him.

"Brian and Roger are having a little chat; come and eat with me, darling." Freddie whispered, patting the table beside him. John sat down, a little out of sorts by the sudden band division. He watched the pair at the other table; they seemed to be having a rather serious discussion - John was aching to know what it was about.

 

_______

_Do you really think I'd stop being friends with you, Brian?_ Roger questioned, his frowns furrowed and his mouth in a deep frown.

"I don't know..." Brian signed, appearing rather resigned to the scene of losing Roger that Brian had obviously concocted in his head. "I just figured that you really only need me to translate for you... and so now that John can do that it's like... what's the point?" Brian sighed, tapping his leg a little manically under the table.

 _Really, Brian? You think that we're only friends... and live together, might I add, because I need you to translate for me?_ Roger asked, a look of hurt in his face. Brian let out a quiet groan.

"I didn't mean it like that... I just think that now that you have John, any benefit that having me as your best friend and roommate provided, is no longer necessary." Brian explained, casting his eyes down to the table. "I feel like you don't need me." He added. His eyes remained glued to the table until Roger made a point of kicking his leg underneath the table. Brian's head shot up, and he looked at Roger with pouted lips.

 _I don't need you, Bri._ Roger signed, causing Brian to immediately look like he was about to burst into tears. _I want you. You're my best friend, and I love having you around._ Roger said earnestly, flashing Brian a bright smile.

"I want you to be happy, Roger. Please don't think that I didn't want you and John to be together. He's great - really." Brian sighed quickly.

 _I know, Brian; I know he's great - I don't pick duds._ Roger smirked; Brian was quick to shake his head.

"Now, that's absolute bullshit." He signed, both of the men chuckling. “I feel like I could make a sizable list of questionable men that you’ve bought home in the last few years.” Brian teased, eyeing him with comical suspicion.

 _Fine._ Roger relented with a grin. _How about I’ve stopped picking up duds?_ He chuckled, beginning to eat his breakfast.

“I think you have.” Brian signed, leaning on his hand as he watched Roger.

 _You really like him?_ Roger signed, accidentally flicking a piece of pancake off of his fork and onto the table. His eyes went wide, before they both broke out in laughter.

“Yes – Roger; I do.” Brian said, almost rolling his eyes as if Roger had questioned him about it several times before. There were several moments on silence, in which they both just ate; their hangover evident in their faces.

 _Thank you, Brian._ Roger signed eventually, once a he’d swallowed a piece of pancake, a bright smile on his face.

"What for?" Brian questioned, his face a little contorted with confusion.

 _For always looking after me._ Roger signed. _I know I said I didn't need you, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't have been really hard without you._ Brian's lips widened into a grip, and he sat up a little straighter.

"Love you." Brian mouthed, receiving a wink, and the same thing mouthed back from Roger.

 

_______

Days in the studio, and months playing gigs went on largely unaffected by the overall shift in relationships. Six months later, John couldn't have imagined himself any happier. Things between him and Roger were getting more and more serious, and he and Brian had stopped jumping down each other's throats - about him and Roger, anyway. Queen had started to gain serious traction over the last few months, to the point that they had actually been stopped walking down the street one Sunday morning.

**“Roger Taylor! Roger!” The voice was coming from behind them, as John and Roger walked down the street, hand in hand. “Roger!” The voice repeated. It was no secret that Roger and John were together; but regardless, the girls at their gigs always pined from Roger. Adversely, John received quite a bit of male attention, much to Roger’s chagrin. The footsteps behind them became louder and louder, and the girl that was clearly running at this point, continuously yelled Roger’s name.**

**“He can’t hear you, Chantelle; he’s deaf!” Another voice sounded from now, right beside them. John, still holding Roger’s hand, stopped and turned around, a frown on his face; he pulled Roger to stand beside him. Roger smiled at the girls, his grin as charming as Roger always seemed to be. He gave them a small wave, and both the girls let out giggles between each other.**

**“Hi, Roger.” One of the girls giggled, waving back at him. “We love you.” She grinned, before glancing at John. “Could you translate?” She asked, eyeing John as if he was stupid not to assume he had to. John bit his lips as his eyes widened; he nodded quickly as he moved to begin signing for Roger.**

**_They said… they said ‘we love you’._ John signed, Roger smiling at the girls and stepped forward to give them a quick hugs, both the girls quickly accepting. As Roger and John walked away from the girls, Roger made a point of linking their hands. **

In the midst of Queen becoming more serious, so did John and Roger. Quick kisses on the couch, or after a gig became heated much sooner, and Roger became noticeably more excited when Brian would leave for university when he and John could stay home. Despite that, any time things got a little too close to legitimate, John was quick to mention that he wanted to slow down a little. Roger never minded, but that didn't mean that somewhere in the back of John's mind wasn't the fear that eventually he would.

**"If you want to... Brian's not home so..."**

**_John; I asked if you wanted to._ Roger chuckled softly, running his knuckles over John's shirtless torso. John stared down at the older man beneath him for a few moments, before shaking his head quickly. **

**"I just want to wait a little longer... I'm sorry." He mumbled, leaning down to bury his head into Roger's shoulder, a little embarrassed. He felt as Roger's fingertips brushed up and down his back. He knew Roger probably wanted to talk to him about it; but John much preferred staying buried in the crook of Roger's neck than trying to explain why he didn't want to have sex when he did indeed like Roger a lot.**

John himself wasn't entirely sure; he wouldn't call himself experienced in such an avenue, but he wasn't completely clueless. He'd had sex; he'd been at university for a year and a half before he'd been adopted into Queen, so he wasn't necessarily unaware of the college lifestyle. That didn't mean he was particularly proud of having already lost it - he'd much have preferred his first time been with Roger. Alas, he usually called it quits right before things go a little too heated for his liking.

**"Would you mind... would you mind if we stopped." John signed, hands shaking a little uncontrollably. He wasn't even making eye contact with Roger, his head tipped back as the older man's hands wandered questionably close to his boxers. John was still tense, even after the hands on his thighs were pulled away quickly. "I'm sorry." John muttered, leaning back to press the crown of his head again the headboard. John's eyes were shut, but only until he felt a weight on top of him. John peeled his eyes open to see Roger hovering over the top of him, hands on John's cheeks and an adorably angry expression planted across his face.**

**_I couldn’t even read your lips and knew that you said sorry. Don't apologise._ Roger signed, tapping John's nose gently before allowing his 'angry' face to dissipate. John let himself smile a little, as Roger leant down to press careful kisses to his - admittedly sweaty - face. **

When the time did finally come that John let the scene play out, it wasn't without hesitation.

 _Are you nervous?_ Roger questioned, smirking at John with surprise.

"No, Roger; I've been putting this off for months because I like giving you blue balls." John snapped playfully, rolling his eyes as Roger continued to kiss at John's torso.

 _Some people are into that._ Roger smirked, wiggling his eyebrows. John rolled his eyes and pushed at Roger's head. Roger let out a little chuckled huff. _First you're nervous and now you're literally pushing me down there. Make up your mind, Deaky._ Roger smirked, leading to John leaning his head back against the headboard in joking frustration. John cast with eyes down at Roger for a moment, watching as the smaller man ran his slender fingers over the space exposed by John’s ridden up boxers. As Roger continued, the pair locked eyes.

“Maybe…” John began, signing with shaky hands.

 _If you want to stop, we can stop._ Roger signed immediately, pulling his hands off of John’s thighs and sitting up between John’s legs.

“I don’t want to stop.” John said quickly, completely forgetting to sign. Roger smiled and shuffled closer to John, moving to straddle his hips.

 _I really hope that you said you want to keep going._ Roger signed. John stared up at him, blinking through his lashes at what John was sure was the most beautiful man he’d ever seen. John started to nod; and as Roger signlessly started to shuffle them onto the bed, John felt literal bliss.

It was slow, and sensual and it was better and more fulfilling than any quick, drunken hook up John had, had in his first year. It was as if John was kicking himself for not letting it all happen sooner; because he knew as soon as it was over that he wasn’t going to be hesitant about doing it again.

That was until the following day at rehearsals, when during a quick break from rehearsals, John went desperately scampering over to Freddie.

“I need to talk to you – right now.” John muttered, tapping him incessantly.

“What, dear? Is everything okay?” Freddie mumbled, turning to him with so much concern on his face. John glanced around, to see that Roger and Brian were occupied with their own conversation.

“It happened – we did it.” John whispered, trying to make sure that not even the flies on the wall could hear them. Freddie stared at John for moment, before his confusion began utter contentment.

“Are you serious, darling? You finally…” Freddie smirked widely, beginning to get a little too excited for the discreet conversation John wanted to have. John was quick to place a slender hand over Freddie mouth.

“Stop it! Freddie, please don’t make a huge deal about it. I don’t want them to know I’m freaking out about it.” John muttered. Freddie let out a muffled chuckle before reaching up to remove John’s hand from his mouth.

“Why are you freaking out? Were you a virgin, dear?” Freddie asked, his smile growing even more salacious.

"No!" John said quickly, eyeing him with angry brows.

"Then what does it matter?" Freddie retorted, eyeing him teasingly.

"Because…” John began, his eyes beginning to wander as he thought of a genuine reason for his nerves. “It's different… it’s Roger.” John muttered, looking up to see Freddie staring him down with a mischievous look, wiggling his eyebrows cheekily. John groaned as he turned around.

“Let’s just get back to work.” John grumbled, walking back to his bass.

The situation with Brian was not dissimilar – especially in regards to how nervous John was.

“Does he ever go home?’ Brian teased, no genuine annoyance in his voice. He was standing in the doorway, staring down John and Roger from Roger’s bed. Nothing explicit had occurred, they had simply been talking.

 _He’s my official interpreter; it’s a very important job_ Roger smirked, wrapping an arm tightly around John.

“I thought that was my job” Brian smirked, now leaning his lankly body against the doorframe.

 _Are you going to interpret what I say and suck my dick?_ Roger asked, his brows raised and a wide smirk on his face. John was now blushing profusely; desperately trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. Brian’s face read absolute shock and disgust as he shook his head.

 _Didn’t think so._ Roger signed triumphantly.

“I just want to remind you that you have no noise control and I kindly wait until you have vacated the premises to have sex – even though you can’t hear it. Why? Because, I am a good roommate.” Brian signed, smiling playfully at Roger.

 _We’ll try to keep it down._ Roger signed, giving Brian a wink. Brian chuckled and rolled his eyes.

“I’m going to the library to study – go nuts.” He smirked.

 _Love you._ Roger grinned, giving Brian a quick wave as he left.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Sorry for taking so long to update - it's been super busy! Anyway, here is the newest chapter; it's a bit shorter, but it's basically the beginning of the end - so there won't be too many more chapters. I'm just trying to finalise how it's all going to be wrapped up. I have also posted a oneshot in which Roger and John meet each other's parents. Go check it out! 
> 
> Much love, Ava :) x

The morning had started out rocky. John had woken up in Roger’s bed, far later than he had intended, and made a point of near-running out of the house in order to get to uni on time. He hadn’t even said goodbye to Roger, who was fast asleep when John realised how late he was. So, when he arrived at rehearsals that evening, Roger was none too happy to see him. 

_Thank you for the good morning._ He accused John, eyeing him with a playful smirk. 

“I gave you a kiss - you just weren’t awake.” John signed, walking over to him quickly. Roger’s arms were already open, and John slot nicely into the space, letting Roger wrap his arms tightly around him as they shared a quick kiss. 

“Okay!” Brian said loudly, causing John to pull away quickly, and Roger’s eyes to follow. “Save that for your bedrooms, please.” Brian signed, rolling his eyes at the pair. John chuckled softly and turned around so he was leaning his back against Roger’s chest. Roger kept his arms wrapped around John. They stayed like that for a while, keeping the calm silence for the sake of John and Brian not having another disagreement about music. When Freddie entered, John quickly moved away from Roger, moving to meet Freddie by the door. 

“How did everything go today, Fred?” John said softly, a wide grin on his face. 

“Good, good. Still sorting out a few kinks, but we’re well on our way.” Freddie replied, moving swiftly to where Roger and Brian were standing watching. 

“Well on our way to what?” Brian questioned, eyeing Freddie and John. 

“I’ve been talking to some reps about potentially having them manage us. I’ve sent off our last two demos and a few have gotten back to me with promising feedback.” He grinned, only to be met with one of Brian’s disapproving looks. 

“You didn’t think to mention that to everyone else?” He asked before turning his attention to John. “Did you know?” John bit his lip, looking between Brian and Roger, who looked equally as annoyed. 

“Freddie mentioned it in passing… but, I figured you all wouldn’t mind… isn’t it a good thing. Isn’t representation what you all want?” John asked, trying to smile through the panic of being interrogated. 

_It would have been nice to be included._ Roger signed, looking right at John. John immediately felt a pang of guilt. He knew how much being included meant to Roger, especially considering how often he had a tendency to be left out of things. 

“I’m sorry, Roger… I didn’t realise…” John mumbled, his eyes trailing over Roger. 

_You didn’t realise I wanted to be included?_ Roger signed, his brows furrowed as he stared at John. John looked at him with confusion, unsure of the onset of Roger’s sudden mood change. It seemed, just by the way they were all standing, that it was absolutely Roger and Brian versus John and Freddie; and it was making John unbearably nervous. 

“I’m sorry.” He repeated, looking from Freddie to Brian in desperate search of some assistance. 

“How about we just get to rehearsing.” Freddie muttered, obviously tense as well. 

Their rehearsal wasn’t terrible; but it had certainly been better in the days and weeks prior. After rehearsals, Freddie mentioned heading off to see some friends, and Brian and Roger were discussing going home to watch a movie and order a takeaway. John stood awkwardly, packing up his bass, listening to the pair discuss their plans. As they all headed to the van, John was walking rather tentatively behind Roger, worried that Brian might tell him he wasn’t going to give him a lift home. He climbed into the van without any disagreements, and waited silently as they drove. John felt like such and idiot; it wasn’t like it had been something he couldn’t tell Roger. It was a stupid little thing that he and Freddie had been talking about, which he had deemed unimportant enough to not bother the others with until they had genuine grounds to be excited about it. When the van finally stopped, both Roger and Brian got out, and not long after, the back doors opened. John stood up and got out, following Roger and Brian into their apartment without question. He didn’t want to intrude on their evening plans, but there had been no issues with him coming up into their flat. John knew he was getting very in his head about it; and it was starting to feel like the early days of not fitting in with everyone – but, he couldn’t help it. 

When they did settle inside, Brian disappeared to his bedroom to change out of the clothes he’d been in all day; and John and Roger were left standing in the lounge room. 

“Roger.” John whispered, tapping him on the shoulder. Roger shot around, looking at John with an expression that he couldn’t quite read. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled. 

_For?_ Roger signed, looking at John with raised brows. John looked at him a little confused, considering the incident had happened only hours before. 

“For… not including you…” John signed, eyeing his boyfriend with even more confusion. 

_You say that John, but you’re not the best at telling me things. You forget… and that’s okay sometimes. But, it’s not fair that you don’t have to put in the effort just because I’m the one who’s deaf. You agreed to date me… that includes being fair to me, and telling me things, even though it might be annoying or time consuming._ Roger explained. As John watched Roger sign, he just felt worse and worse. To him, it had been such an insignificant thing to forget to tell Roger, but he realised how much more intense it would have seemed to Roger when he was so used to being ignored and left out. 

“I’m sorry, Roger; and I really mean that. I’m sorry that I’m not as good at taking care of you as Brian is. But, I promise I’ll get better.” John signed, tears in his eyes. Roger frowned a little and pulled him into a hug, pressing a few kisses to his neck. After a little while, they pulled back and Roger shot John a wide and genuine smile. 

_I love you._ Roger signed, his concerned expression quickly changing into a soft grin. John couldn’t stop himself from smiling at that point. He bit his lip harshly to stop himself from giggling like a giddy schoolgirl. 

_I love you too._ John signed, mouthing the words so that his ‘I love you’, was returned to Roger in the exact way he received it. Roger smiled even wider, stepping up onto his tip toes to peck John’s lips. After Roger pulled away, John allowed his smile to become a little cheekier. “Considering I’m working harder on telling you things; maybe I should tell you that I told my parents about you.” John signed, grinning like a madman. Roger’s eyes widened. 

_You what?_ Roger signed, a look of panic in his eyes. 

“No, no; it’s a good thing!” John reassured. “They’re really happy… they’re really looking forward to meeting you.” John grinned widely, before placing his hands either side of Roger’s cheeks and pecking his lips. “They’re going to adore you; I know it – maybe almost as much I do.” John grinned, receiving a wider smile from Roger than he’d seen all day.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter, fam! It's not even really a chapter, it's more of an epilogue. I've got some one shots coming up, so make sure you're subscribed to that. There's one out now that's called 'I Think I Wanna Marry You', so go have a look at that. Let me know if there's anything else that you wanna see in one shot form. 
> 
> Aaaaanywhoooo - that's it. Thank you all so god damn much for the months of support. I never imagined the feedback this was going to get, so it's both overwhelming and heartwarming to see how much you all enjoyed reading. I stressed a lot about ending this and not being able to do justice to everyone's expectations. Whilst I'm not sure I did such, I do hope you all have enjoyed the journey thus far. 
> 
> So much love, Ava :) x

The meeting with their potential representation went far better than John had expected. He had gone in clutching Roger’s arm for dear life; he wasn’t entirely sure if that was for Roger’s protection, or his own. Nevertheless, when they’d actually sat down to discuss the prospect of genuinely being signed, it didn’t take long for John’s worries to dissipate. Freddie had worked tirelessly to win over the reps, and such work hadn’t gone unnoticed, seeing as how the gentleman before seemed unfathomably pleased with the group. When he mentioned drawing up some contracts, John found himself unable to contain his impending excitement. It had all gone far better than it seemed any of them had anticipated; so much so, that when they made it back to the apartment, Roger and Freddie were almost jumping out of their skin.

 _I can’t believe we did it. I cannot believe we’re going to be actual rockstars._ Roger signed, looking at John who was eyeing his overexcitable boyfriend.

“Slow down, Jagger. You’re not playing Wembley just yet. You’ve actually got to sell the albums first, believe it or not.” John smirked, before letting his hands run up Roger’s sides.

 _We’ll get there… I know we will. I’ve always known we would; and there’s no one I’d rather do it with._ Roger signed, grinning widely at his boyfriend before leaning forward to connect their lips.

 

**10 years later**

If Roger had been sure he was a happy enough guy before meeting John, the last decade was enough to have him rethinking all he’d ever known about his life.

Since moving in together, Roger had become all the more certain that he and John were the most perfect people for each other. Every morning that he woke up - whether they were in their own beds or some lavish hotel - Roger got to consider himself the luckiest guy alive, all over again.

Even when they reached a point where Roger was certain they were all about the kill each other; when the mere mention of the term ‘guitar solo’ was enough to have him repulsing in preparation for the impending argument. Even then, Roger was so infatuated that when they got home, he almost forgot entirely how much he hated that fucking synthesizer.

“I know he’s your best friend, but I might have to strangle him.” John signed, plopping himself down on the couch of their house, far too large for just two people. Roger just chuckled, not liking to entertain the idea of either of them actually fighting. “Again, I know he’s your best friend…” John began, Roger sat in the armchair, preparing himself for a conversation they’d had plenty of times in the last month. “But, you couldn’t just side with me for once!” John signed lavishly, but without any genuine aggression or disdain. Roger sighed softly and stood up to move beside John.

 _I side with you about pretty much everything else._ Roger signed, leaning over to kiss John’s cheek. John groaned, but leaned closer into Roger.

“Stupid Brian.” John grumbled, knowing full-well Roger wouldn’t make sense of it. “Why doesn’t he just go and look after his kid - lord knows…” John began, sitting up as he signed the beginning of his berating.

 _Hey!_ Roger signed confidently, placing up a hand to tell John to stop. _You’re mad at Brian about the music; you don’t have to be mean._ Roger signed, eyeing John with a look too full of reason to have come from Roger Taylor.

“That’s bold coming from you.” John teased, rolling his eyes before giving Roger a wink and allowing himself to smile. John leant back on the arm of the couch as Roger eyed the younger man up and down. “What?” John chuckled, eyeing him back playfully.

 _When do you want to have kids, John?_ Roger questioned, grinning widely. John rolled his eyes.

“We’ve talked about this, Rog.” John mumbled, starting to stand up from the couch. Roger’s brows furrowed as he gripped John’s knee.

 _Let’s talk about it again._ Roger said seriously, eyeing John as if pleading for him to sit back down. John let out a soft groan as he sat back down a little forcefully.

“Roger…” He sighed, shutting his eyes for a moment. It was times like these when John almost wished Roger could hear him yelling, just so he’d have some fundamental understanding of despite how much he loved Roger, he wanted to shake some genuine sense into him sometimes. “If it were logistically easier…” John began signing, only to see Roger ready to pipe up with his usual argument:

**_Everything is logistically easy when you’ve got money - I don’t even know why that’s a reason. ****_**

“Logistically easier…” John cut in, before he could. “Meaning we weren’t touring the world, and we weren’t going to be swarmed with awful personal questions about starting a family as two men. It’s bad enough now, Rog… and I just don’t think I could handle it.” John explained, looking at Roger with a look of desperate pleading. Roger frowned slightly, but nodded. A few moments passed over in silence before Roger shuffled a little and raised his hands.

 _Do you want to do something tonight? Just the two of us… a date night?_ Roger offered, shooting John a sweet smile. John smiled back at him, and despite his general unease about being out in public with Roger in a more intimate setting; after the week in the studio, he needed it.

“Where are you going to take me, big spender? Considering everything is easy when you’ve got money… what country are we dining in tonight?” John signed, smirking at Roger playfully. Roger was motionless for a moment, apparently in deep thought.

 _B - A - L - I._ Roger spelt, clearly proud of himself. John chuckled and rolled his eyes, reaching for the book he’d left on the coffee table that morning. _I’m serious._ Roger reiterated, grabbing John with a genuine assurance. _We need a break from the madness of this album… let’s just do it._ Roger nodded, his expression reading nothing but certainty.

“Oh, yeah? That sounds like a foolproof plan, Roger.” John sighed, unable not to crack a smile at his fiancé. Roger eyed him once again, his brows raised as if waiting for a genuine answer. “Roger!” John snapped, pleading his lover to just be serious. Roger continued to eye him down, boring through John and making him even more riled up. They stayed like that, neither man wanting to back down on what they were both certain was the right choice. John considered himself rather strong-willed, but the way Roger was staring him down, and the dreadful thought of returning to the studio and continuing to fight with Brian, had him relinquishing his stance on the matter. “Fine!” John sighed, standing up to go pack a bag.

 

**20 years later**

Getting John to be present when it came to anything even remotely related to Queen was practically impossible. He’d already told Roger that he didn’t want to play anymore, and that alone was killing the older man. But it had only been getting worse the further away from their old life they were slipping.

 _I’m going to Brian’s for a little bit. Did you want to come?_ Roger signed, hovering over where John sat on the couch, reading. John shook his head a little, not entertaining the idea of looking back up at Roger. Roger stood before him for a short while, waiting for the younger man to look up at him. John let out a soft sigh and glanced up at his fiance, eyeing him with a look that Roger must have been growing to expect from John at this point. _No business talk… I promise._ Roger signed, flashing him a sweet, but cheeky smile before rocking forward to press their lips together. John kissed him back before moving away a little.

“You’d be easier to ignore if you weren’t so sweet.” John whispered, letting himself smile a little. Roger wasn’t even entirely sure of what John had mumbled, but the fact that he was smiling was enough for the blonde. It wasn’t that John had completely retreated in on himself - not yet, anyway; but, that didn’t stop Roger from missing a laugh he couldn’t even hear. In the last year, Roger had watched John become someone he didn’t quite recognise out in public. Sure, at home Roger could rile John up to the point of a playful chuckle; but it wasn’t quite the same. John had practically begged Roger to not make him speak at Freddie’s tribute; John had tried to entertain the idea of not even having to perform - which went down swimmingly with Brian in the heat of their mutual emotional turmoil. “Thank you for the offer, Roger. I really don’t want to come. I’m sorry.” John whispered, signing pensively in his lap. Roger shook his head.

 _It’s fine._ Roger signed quickly, giving John another kiss before standing back up and going about getting himself ready to go to Brian’s. Just as he was about to leave, he turned to John, to see the younger man subconsciously fiddling with the corners of the book’s pages. He frowned deeply as he moved over to his fiancé, making a point of sitting beside him so that John would have to look over at him. _What’s going on, love?_ Roger asked, eyeing him with concern. John let out a shaky sigh, glancing up at Roger; it was clear he’d been in deep thought about whatever was bothering him for a while – it was almost like the words couldn’t stop themselves from escaping.

“I want to retire.” John spoke softly, hands shaking as he signed. Roger looked at him with genuine confusion, trying his best to maintain eye contact, despite John’s clear detesting.

 _What do you mean? Don’t you think you’re a bit young?_ Roger chuckled, trying his best to lighten the mood.

“No.” John said almost immediately. “I think it’s time I retire from music… from Queen.” He signed, finding it impossible to look Roger in the eyes, despite how disrespectful he felt. “I can’t… I can’t…” He groaned, struggling to make the connection from his brain, to his mouth, to his fingertips. “I’m not coping and I need to stop. Okay? Please?” John signed, his eyes beginning to well up with tears. Roger looked at him with a large frown, caught between wanting to make his fiancé feel better, and wanting to cry himself.

 _John; you can’t. You can’t retire from Queen… are you joking?_ Roger signed, a genuine look of disbelief on his face. John was quick to shake his head.

“I’m sorry, Roger.” John signed, now beginning to cry. “Nothing is going to change… I promise. I just can’t have everyone expect that of me anymore. I’m not coping… I’m not okay.” John said softly, finally glancing at Roger after he’d finished speaking to see the older man wearing the saddest expression. It didn’t take more than a moment for Roger to lean forward and engulf John in a hug, holding him tightly pressed against his chest. The pair stayed like that for several minutes, until their breathing had calmed and was synchronised. When Roger finally pulled back, he smiled as widely as he could muster.

_We’ll work something out, okay?_

 

**30 years later**

The only good - if you could really call it such - that came out of Freddie’s death, and John’s subsequent departure from the spotlight, was his almost immediate willingness to start a family. In the ten years since what Roger undoubtedly considered the worst thing that had ever happened to them, had transpired, he and John had found themselves upon four of the most beautiful children the blonde thought he could ever wish for. Roger had stepped back a little from the music to spend time with the kids, but John had assured him he didn’t mind all that much that Roger and Brian still went about their business as Queen - not when it made Roger so vehemently happy.

 _Are you sure? There’s a seat for you and it’s not too late to find a sitter - your mum already offered._ Roger signed, wrapping his tie around his collar as he leant down to pop a kiss on his daughter’s forehead, as she lay asleep in John’s arms. John was quick to shake his head, unable to sign with his arms full. _I don’t want to go without you… it’s one night, Deaks._ Roger pleaded, struggling a little to sign and do up his tie. John rolled his eyes at Roger, before giving him a look that inexplicably read: ‘we’ve talked about this and you’re bothering me’. John stood up so that he was looking down at Roger, before gesturing the baby towards him.

“Swap.” John said softly, as Roger took their daughter from John. John reached his arms over where Roger was cradling the baby to fiddle with his tie. “It’s not that I don’t want to spend the evening with you, Roger. But, we can spend an evening together here… with our family… and without television cameras.” John spoke clearly, unable to sign as he helped Roger with his tie. “But I’m so excited to watch you… we’re all going to hang out here and watch you get inducted.” John grinned, planting a soft kiss on Roger’s lips and he finished with the older man’s tie and reached for the baby.

 _Us._ Roger signed once his hands were free. _Watch us get inducted._ He clarified, eyeing John with a sad, but understanding expression.

“We’re going to be cheering so loud here that you’ll hear us from the Waldorf.” John grinned, subtly glossing over what Roger had said about it being induction too.

 _I’ll hear you, will I?_ Roger smirked.

“Yes. You will.” John smiled, giving Roger another kiss, before laying their daughter down in the cot in the living space of their hotel room. “Now, get going rockstar; you don’t want to be late to your own party… not that it ever stopped you.” John signed as Roger shuffled over to hug the younger man. “I love you.” John whispered against Roger’s neck, knowing that he did such often enough that Roger would get the idea.

“I love you too.” The words were muffled by his own neck, as well as Roger’s struggles with diction, but John got the idea. He gripped Roger tightly, shutting his eyes as he thought about the evening ahead of his pseudo-husband. He thought about how this night was the culmination of the last 30 years of their lives… of his life; and he wasn’t going to be there. It wasn’t so much that he actually wanted to be there and was sombre about missing out, but he knew that if it had been the four of them standing up there to accept their award, he wouldn’t have felt nearly as apprehensive about it. He also knew, that had it been the four of them, Freddie would never have let him get away with not going - that was for sure.

John pulled back a little, trying to will himself not to cry. He looked at Roger for a second before he let a small sniffle sound, hoping it would go unnoticed by the older man.

“You’re going to be late.” John signed, taking a moment to fiddle with Roger’s hair before moving quickly back to the couch, where the children were scattered amongst some toys they’d been able to bring on the plane. Roger gave a quick nod, grabbing his things as he leant down and plopped a gentle kiss on each of the kids heads. He looked at John and gave him a soft smile.

 _Still not too late._ He smirked, giving John a quick wink as the younger man playfully waved him off.

“Please don’t be too loud coming home that you wake up the kids.” John signed, eyeing Roger down only half-seriously.

 _Who says I’m coming home? This might be the last time I get to party like it’s the 70s. After this it’ll be partying like I’m in my 70s._ Roger signed, smirking widely at John, causing the younger man to roll his eyes.

“Okay… well, please just don’t die. I’m not sure I can take care of four kids by myself.” John chuckled, standing back up as Roger walked to the door. Roger’s eyesight had only gotten worse since they were younger, so signing from more than three metres away was largely out of the question.

 _Sure you can._ Roger signed, a little too genuinely for the playful banter they’d been having. _You’re practically a super-dad._ Roger grinned, giving him another - slower - kiss. John kissed him back, wrapping a thin arm around Roger.

“Eww.” The small voice came from the couch. John looked over quickly, followed after by Roger, to see their eldest daughter leaning over the edge of the couch. “That’s gross.” She whispered, in a way so subtly mouthy that it radiated everything John knew he stood for. John chuckled and turned back to Roger.

“You’re really going to be late now.” John signed, beginning to open the hotel door.

 _Brian’s going to kill me._ He chuckled, stepping outside as he grabbed his suit jacket. _I love you._ He signed, before disappearing down the hallway.

John looked back at the kids after closing the door, and thought about how despite Roger’s current absence, they were both doing what they loved. John would have given anything to be at that induction… with Freddie. But, John also knew better than anyone, that life doesn’t always pan out in the way you expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peace out, guys :) x


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